Morning.
Bright, annoyingly cheerful morning.
Why does the sun insist on rising so early?
And why did I agree to wake up for this so-called "survival exercise?"
I sighed, adjusting my forehead protector lazily as I strolled toward Training Ground 8.
Choji was already there munching on some rice crackers. Ino looked like she hadn't slept a wink — probably spent all night worrying about her hair or whether Sasuke secretly loved her.
"Where's Asuma-sensei?" Ino huffed.
I shrugged, flopping down under a tree and pulling out my notebook.
Not a shinobi notebook.
My real one.
The draft for Hot Springs of Lust: Volume 6.
Word count so far: 42,376.
Last night's scene? Two traveling kunoichi sisters accidentally booked the same room at a hot spring as a mysterious rogue ninja.
Classic.
[Ding!]
[Fan Count: 9,077]
[New Comment: "Wanderer Old Hag-sama! More steamy Kasuma scenes!" — SmokinFan47]
…
That name sounded suspiciously like Asuma.
I shivered.
Just then, a puff of smoke appeared.
"As expected," came Asuma's laid-back voice. "Shikamaru's already napping."
"Not napping," I grumbled, tucking my notebook away. "Just... conserving energy."
He smirked. "Alright, listen up. Today's a survival drill. Your task is simple: steal these bells from me before noon. If you fail — no lunch."
He dangled two tiny bells on a string.
Choji's face paled. "No… l-lunch?"
Ino scowled. "Easy. We'll team up, beat you, and be done."
Asuma bit down on his cigarette. "You can try."
Oh, buddy. You have no idea.
While Ino and Choji argued about strategy, I quietly pulled out my system interface.
[Skill Opportunity Available: 9000 Fans Reached]
Nice.
Time to pick a new one.
Options floated before me:
Fire Release: Ash Pile Burning
Earth Release: Mud Wall
Yin Release: Mind Clone Technique
Hmm.
I stroked my chin.
Asuma loves fire techniques… but Mud Wall would be perfect for pranks.
And Mind Clone? That had 'secretly write novels while pretending to fight' potential.
"I pick Yin Release: Mind Clone Technique."
[Skill Learned!]
A faint pulse of chakra filled me.
No one noticed.
I smirked. Time for a little test.
"Start!" Asuma called, vanishing into the trees.
Ino bolted after him like a lovestruck fangirl.
Choji hesitated. "Shikamaru, what should we—"
"Hide. Watch," I said lazily.
He blinked as I formed the Mind Clone hand seal.
A soft shimmer, and a second me appeared beside me.
It stretched, yawned, and took out a pen.
"What's up, boss?" my clone asked in my voice.
"Volume 6 draft. Finish the scene where Kasuma accidentally falls into the women's bath."
"You got it."
Choji stared, jaw dropped. "W-What…?"
"Clone technique," I lied smoothly. "Advanced stuff. Now help me set this trap."
I scattered a few banana peels, a tripwire made from chakra threads, and a carefully positioned log.
Asuma wouldn't see it coming.
Meanwhile, my clone scribbled furiously in the notebook.
[Word Count: +243]
[Chakra Gained: +243]
Lovely.
An explosion echoed in the distance — Ino must've set off one of Asuma's traps.
Choji swallowed nervously. "We're not helping them?"
I gave a lazy shrug. "Too troublesome."
In truth, I didn't want to risk missing an idea for my next novel arc.
"Maybe Kasuma gets stuck hiding in a towel closet with the two sisters... no, too cliche… or perfect."
[Word Count: +87]
My clone nodded appreciatively.
Another boom.
Then the rustle of leaves.
"Found ya," Asuma's voice drawled from the canopy.
"Now, Choji!" I called.
Choji hesitated, then lobbed a handful of barbecue-scented rice balls toward the approaching sound.
Asuma reflexively dodged — straight into the banana peels.
He slipped.
Triggered the tripwire.
The log swung down and smacked him right in the back.
A puff of smoke.
"Substitution," Choji muttered.
I grinned. "Doesn't matter."
I flicked my chakra strings again — a second tripwire snapped, dropping a net.
This time it caught Asuma mid-flash step.
"What the—?!" he cursed, struggling as the net tightened.
I strolled out from under the tree, hands in my pockets.
"Troublesome sensei," I said with a yawn. "Too predictable."
Asuma scowled from inside the net. "You little… when'd you even set this up?"
"During your whole 'let's start' speech," I said lazily.
Choji cheered. "We did it!"
Even my Mind Clone paused in its writing to clap.
"Dismissed," Asuma sighed in defeat, vanishing the net with a pulse of chakra. "I'll treat you to lunch. All three of you."
Ino limped out from the woods, covered in soot. "What… happened…?"
"Teamwork," I lied.
She groaned and flopped onto the grass.
Asuma gave me a look as we left. "Y'know, Shikamaru… you'd make a dangerous Jonin someday."
"Not interested," I replied, hands behind my head.
But deep down, I was grinning.
Not because of the praise.
Because my system dinged again.
[Fan Count: 9,101]
[New Comment: "Best bathhouse scene ever! Kasuma for Hokage!" — SmokyKasumaFan]
I swear that's Asuma again.
This village…
A total drag.
And yet, kind of entertaining.