The sun was high.
The cicadas were loud.
And honestly, I was ready for a nap.
But no — apparently, ninja society demands you meet your new team and Jonin leader immediately after graduation. A real drag.
Choji was munching chips beside me as we walked to Training Ground 8, where we were told to wait. Ino was in front, grumbling about how unfair life was.
"I could've been on Sasuke's team," she muttered for the 57th time in five minutes. "Why'd I get stuck with you two?"
"Because fate hates you," I replied without opening my eyes.
"Say that again, lazybones!"
Choji chuckled. "You know, it's not so bad. We're a good team."
Good ol' Choji. Always the peacekeeper.
Meanwhile, I had bigger problems.
[Fan Count: 9,038]
Ever since graduation, sales had spiked again.
Apparently, some readers loved the "young genius ninja forbidden romance" subplot I'd added to Volume 5. Who knew?
Worse, Asuma was one of them.
I still wasn't over that SmokingTiger comment.
And now we had to meet him face-to-face.
My number one Jonin-ranked fan.
Who had no idea I was his beloved 'Wanderer Old Hag.'
My stomach turned.
Maybe I could fake sick?
Too late.
He showed up.
"Yo," came the laid-back voice as a familiar cigarette cloud wafted our way.
Asuma Sarutobi stepped out from behind a tree, hand in his pocket, a book in the other.
It was orange.
I squinted.
Wait a second…
That was Hot Springs of Lust: Volume 4!
I nearly choked on my own spit.
"You're Team 10, huh?" Asuma said, scratching his beard. "Guess you're stuck with me."
Choji grinned. Ino perked up because Asuma was, well — one of those rugged older guys girls thought were cool.
And me?
I was internally screaming.
"Let's sit and talk," Asuma said, plopping down on a log. "Introduce yourselves. Name, likes, dislikes, dreams for the future."
Ino launched into her speech about wanting to be the best kunoichi and marry Sasuke. Choji said he liked food and didn't like bullies.
Then it was my turn.
I sighed. "Nara Shikamaru. I like cloud-watching. I dislike troublesome things. Dream's to live a simple life."
Classic cover story.
Asuma laughed. "You really are a Nara. Alright, I'll tell you about me. Name's Asuma Sarutobi. I like shogi, card games, and… interesting books."
I twitched.
He flashed the faintest smirk and tapped the book's cover.
He knew.
Or… did he?
"Ever read this one?" Asuma asked, waving the book at us.
Ino turned crimson. "P-Pervert!"
Choji laughed.
I shrugged. "Never heard of it."
Bold-faced lie.
Asuma chuckled. "You kids wouldn't get it anyway. Only a true connoisseur appreciates a story like Hot Springs of Lust."
Bro.
He was quoting my own pen name's tagline.
I wanted to crawl into a hole.
"Anyway," Asuma said, leaning back. "Tomorrow, meet here at 8am for your first team exercise."
I perked up.
Exercise? Ugh.
Asuma smirked at our groans. "It's a survival drill. Hope you're ready."
Ino huffed. "Of course! I'll show you I'm the best."
Choji looked worried.
I considered asking if surviving meant surviving the embarrassment of your secret pen name being exposed.
Before I could, my system dinged.
[New Fan: +4]
[Fan Comment: "Chapter 47 killed me, Wanderer Old Hag-sama! Who knew Shiranui Genma could be so seductive!" — KunaiCutie69]
…
I immediately wanted to unalive myself.
Not because of the comment.
But because Genma-senpai, the toothpick dude, was apparently also reading my work.
Konoha was doomed.
I closed the notification.
Asuma stood up, stretching. "Alright, dismissed. See you tomorrow."
As he walked off, I saw him pull out his pocket notebook.
Orange. Well-used.
I swear I saw 'Wanderer Old Hag quote ideas' scribbled in the corner.
This man.
We made our way back through the village. Ino split off to go see Sakura, still grumbling about Sasuke. Choji offered to treat me to barbecue, but I declined.
I needed a nap.
But mostly, I needed to process the fact my Jonin leader was actively quoting lines I wrote at 2am while giggling in my futon.
[Ding!]
Another system alert.
[Fan Count: 9,042]
I grinned.
Maybe I should add a new character based on Asuma. The broody, cigarette-loving mentor with a tragic love story and a secret soft spot for hot springs…
Yeah.
I'd call him 'Kasuma.'
Perfect.
I flopped down on my favorite hill, looking up at the clouds.
"Life's a drag," I murmured.
And yet, I was kinda having fun.