10th sept
Mornings are so cold and tiring. I hate the breakfast timings here. I don't mean to whine but I'm not much of a morning person. I'm ganna try out the omelette today. Zaira, Tyjah and Savon all said they put cheese in it. I love cheese. Mmmm.....
We're also ganna go to this nature park somewhere. Someone told my Uncle it has breath taking scenery. I wouldn't care much if I didn't have to get up so early to go there. This place better be worth it.
11 am.
It's taking us much longer to get there than we first anticipated. Uncle's riding shotgun with the driver. Mother and granma are talking about bull in the middle seats. My aunt and the other kids are singing together. I'm on the second last window seat humming to my own tune, looking outside comparing both Malaysia and Durn.
Kuala Lumpur is apparently five times bigger than Durn. A city so much bigger than a country; and an over populated country at that.
Don't get me wrong. I love my country. The natures there, so is the scenery. But the people! They are judgemental, hypocrites and so damn fake. I love my country but once I leave for my university, I made a promise to myself to never return unless the people changed; which as for as far as I know, never ganna happen.
I never fell at home back at home. Not even when I was in Bangkok did I feel that kind of peace. But since the first night spent here; I feel like I belong. Something about Malaysia appeals to me. I don't exactly know what it is but it feels so comfortable; like I'm back in my own skin.
This doesn't mean that I'd like to retire here or even settle here. Japan is still my favourite country and America is where I plan on settling. But maybe; just maybe I'd like to come and visit this place again sometime in the future.
We're here, finally! So I guess write later.
1:50pm.
Amusements park my ass! This place is just a sightseeing side. All we did was walk around. Well there was this bumper car type of ride and as usual my steering sucked. After all the walking around all midday; when we were all hungry and thirsty, there wasn't a single food stand or stall in sight.
We had to walk around even further till we found these two café's across from each other. They were so close; five steps from outside one café and you'll end up inside the next one.
One is a typical diner with classic comfort food and the other a Caribbean bistro or whatever. I'm so tired with all the exotic food I've been eating lately, all I wanted was some nice old burger and fries.
Everyone else waned to try Caribbean; after some tough persuasion on my part; mother finally gave in. So here I am in an empty dinner waiting on my food. It was cheap so I ordered a lot of it.
I can almost taste the mac and cheese. Bet they'll hate me when I eat my take out later without sharing.
I'm such a greedy person, I never share. No matter how much people beg me. Others give in after a bit of emotional blackmail but not me. I feel bad about it, like I'm using them or being unfair but I just can't seem to share things. Bad habit I know.
The food's here?
Nevermind, it's just some guy. Why does it take so long for food to get ready? I'm basically starving here. Seriously!
The thing I love more than anything is a challenge. It lights me up and I have an excuse to vent my anger towards that person. I always say "I love my enemies more than my friends because they really get me going"; alright, maybe not as dramatically but you get the point.
The whole diner's empty and he wants my table. I came first so it's only fair, I get to keep it. Plus I'm a girl, manners people, manners.
Does he think he's intimidating me? By giving me that mocking smile. Idiotic people these days. I didn't plan on eating here either way. All I want are my take outs and I'm gone.
Wait, doesn't that mean he wins? Well nevermind as long as the food gets here. I don't like to get mocked but I'm also not interested in lecturing anyone right now; so his lucky day.
He looks kinda familiar. Hmmmmmmmmm....
8:30pm.
Life sucks, what sucks even more is the fact that I have basically not eaten anything since breakfast.....
I always thought, by now nothing in life could faze me; but alas I'm a mere human, and predicting the future is not a trait I possess.
I've never been a romantic; I don't believe in love. It's just physical attraction. Have you ever heard of a love story that eventually didn't end in sex? Nope. Love is a myth. People are fascinated with the idea of love, nothing more nothing less.
There is no such thing as a soul mate. If there was explain this to me people, why do some people die alone? Why did Uncle C die alone? Was he special? Soul mates do not exist and it's a proven fact.
What the hell is love at first sight? I'd get it if I was some somkin hot model, but I'm not. I'm more on the cute side and any fool who falls for me just wants to be tortured. I'm not demining myself. I am very selfish. I only care about myself in the world. Everyone else I love is dead so why the hell not.
I always knew I'd have to get married someday. So I gave my mother three categories.
He has to be rich
Has to be an only son
Has to live in America, without any parents.
Anything other than that didn't matter to me. I knew I had to get married in life. It's a sunhat. But nowhere does it say that I have to stay married. I plan on getting married and divorce after two years. I'm not a gold digger or anything. I don't care about his money.
I just want him to be secure so that I can focus on my own business and dreams. I'm from a joint family and I don't wanna get into that kind of drama so he has to be the only son. He has to live in America because I don't plan on living anywhere else.
It won't bother me if he's a man slut or even if he has a girlfriend or an affair. I just need to be married off after that even if he divorces me the next day it won't bother me. All I need to do is complete the sunhat.
Now let me explain why any guy who'd ever fall for me be unlucky? I'm bi or at least I want to be. I don't want to be the type of person who's only had sex with one person in her life. I hate connections so only one night stands will do.
I've always reminded myself to never play with anyone's heart. Anything else is fine but not the heart. So When I know I don't believe in love, what's the point in marriage? And if I don't care about marriage what's the point in dating?
People may say casual dating is a thing, but it's not. Someone's bound to get hurt; and I know it won't be me. So why hurt someone else. Casual sex is better.
And now let me finally get to the part where all of this jibber jabber will make sense.
Remember I wrote before that the guy in the dinner looked familiar? Well he was. Not really that familiar but we did cross paths before. He was the broad shoulder guy, the one from the boutique; the guy the designer was insisting was too um....high? For her suits. Either way what a small world.
I was just ignoring him waiting for my food. I didn't move tables. We were just both sitting there ignoring each other; at least I thought he was ignoring me. I wasn't paying much attention anyway.
Unlike my brother who observes everything; I'm more ignorant about things around me. Everyone tells me I'm too self-absorbed for my own good.
"I've been looking for you."
He had to repeat it three times for me to finally notice that he was talking to me. My response was just looking him in the eye with a questioning face.
"Date me" That earned him a snot sound from me. I just raised my eyebrow. I wasn't in the mood to deal with people right now so I decided I'd wait for my food with the others at the other place.
When I was passing him; I don't know if he was hoping to get a stronger reaction out of me or if he was expecting me to be a hopeless romantic falling at his feet but he did something that was so common in most mangas; that it could be considered a shoujo trade mark.
He kissed me; just a peck on my lips.
"Are you done?"
Where I should've had a reaction, he was gaping at me for a few seconds. He quickly recomposed his calm façade.
"Interesting...." He mumbled more to himself. Then he started chuckling. He looked exelirated. All this while, not once did his grip loosen. I even considered biting him but thought better of it. If he's the type that I was sure that he was he'd only enjoy it more.
I finally spoke.
"Are you done? I'd like to leave now." pointing towards my wrist.
"What's the hurry?" he was enjoying this. "I think we should sit and have a proper chat. Wouldn't want your mother to see us now would we?" Gesturing towards the window; from where I could clearly see everyone. If anyone ever could affect me it was mother. She's the only one who can ever get a reaction from me. Her opinion does matter to me; I hate that she has such power over me; but I do care what she thinks of me.
He hit the homerun and he knew it. I quietly sat down across from him.
"Let go." I commanded. I was done playing around. I know when I glare I can make a grown man pee his pants. I got that from my dad; just a movement of the eye and you know you're screwed.
Again all he did was chuckle.
"What do you want?"
"Just to talk." He said grinning at me.
"Talk!" I barked
"Date me" he proposed the idea yet again.
"I don't date, and even if I did you're not my type." It was true he was the farthest thing from my type. I liked guys with pale skin, really long light colored hair and a bit on the lean side. This guy has a natural tan skin, short boring black hair and although he isn't exactly beefy, he's not all that lean either.
"Ok, so what exactly is your type?" He seemed genuinely interested; not that it mattered. I was getting really worked up by now and I just wanted to resolve this problem as quickly and as quietly as possible.
"Get to the point. I haven't got all day."
"Alright," he seem to be thinking it over "the point is I want to date you" speaking out each syllable as slowly as possible.
"You don't know me; if you did you'd try to stay as far away from me as possible."
"Hmm.....ok then who are you?" I understood the double meaning behind his words.
I didn't personally have a problem with showing him the darkness or the insanity. He was just a stranger I thought I wouldn't have to meet again if I explained it a bit. After all we hide things about ourselves from people whose opinion we give a shit about. I didn't give a shit about his. I let see the insanity behind the mask. The dark secrets that I hide.
I said it all to him. Let him see true destruction. It didn't scare me that he saw it all; after all I was the one showing it.
"Why pour out your soul to me?" he asked me gently.
"Huh?"
He repeated the question.
"Simply because I don't care what you think of me. You opinion doesn't matter to me." I said that with an ecstatic smile on my face. It had been long since I'd let another human being, alive see me like this. It was sort of liberating in a way.
He stared back at me with a smile of his own. That was not a reaction I was expecting nor anticipating. I knew how differently people treated me when I let them see a bit of my hidden self and here he was smiling back at me. I'm ignorant true but I've never been dense. He was liking this.
"I guess it's my turn for an introduction then" and started saying all these things that went over my head. I zooned out like I always do when someone's talking to me for too long. I'll be honest he scares me a little and I don't like the feeling of fear.
"Look I don't even live here so the chances of us meeting again are basically none"
"Neither do I, what a coincidence" and pulled out this really rustic looking cell phone from his pocket and pushed it towards me. When I asked him a silent question he explained "It's a socialite phone, you can call me using this from anywhere in the world".
For a split second I was even considering the offer but then I remembered something. A memory of my granma tellin my mother to keep an eye out for me and for the first time; mother other than agreeing smiled and said her daughter wasn't in to these things.
I hate my mother and I want her to suffer like she always hurt me. Sadly I also love her; reluctantly yes; but I wanted her approval. I wanted her to be proud of me. This was the only thing she was ever proud of me for. I wasn't ganna break her trust.
"Sorry but I can't, my mother won't allow it." I got up and was at almost at the door when he asked me from "And if she allows it, you'll date me."
I was sure he was joking so I said sure and left.
I thought I left the matter behind me along with the stranger. I remembered his name but I wanted to forget it so I didn't even mention it in my head.
Entering the Caribbean joint; I noticed they were all done eating.
"What took you so long?" mother inquired
I was nervous but this was a good thing; if she's asking then she wasn't looking.
"I...the food was cheap so I ordered a lot". It wasn't entirely a lie. I did order a lot.
"......of take out." I added when my Uncle was giving me a disapproved look. I am a pre diabetic patient. I had to decrease my food intake.
My mother looked at me suspiciously "where's the take out?" Damn it! I was in such a hurry I never got my food. While I was thinking of a lie in my head, the door behind me opened and someone else entered the café. He bypassed me and went straight to my mother.
As usual I was too busy spinning up a suitable lie in my head to notice.
"......"
I finally though may as well get lectured than lose my head. When I look up strongly with my resolve; everybody was staring at me.
What? I still hadn't "confessed" that I ate all of the food alone.
"I'd like your daughters hand in marriage" said a voice I'm really hating right now.
I snapped my head towards my mother. In front of her stood the most stubborn or maybe just plain stupid person I came to meet; and Uncle C calls me a stubborn mule. My usually unfazed façade was now looking at him like an idiot. I blinked a few times just to focus on everything again. But I couldn't. It seemed to me like everyone was talking in a foreign unknown language and my brain wasn't registering a damn thing.
Before I could properly get the hang of the situation; we were all already back at our hotel me just sitting in our bed dumb folded and Zaira peeking through the slit in the door.
I was just sitting there. My mind which is never ever empty was as blank as an empty answer paper.
I went to the bathroom; sat down on the toilet.
"Ok Uncle C what the hell's happening?"
"I like him" he simply said.
"Are you high old man?"
I could feel his exasperation.
"Ok, what should I do?"
"Really?"
"Pretty pewees with cherries on top"
"Do whatever you want."
"I don't know what I want. I guess I don't want any of it."
"Then say no"
"If only it was that easy"
"But I don't think he'll give up even if you did"
"I know"
"Sweetheart, just calm down and go with the flow"
"You're a horrible adviser old man."
"How about this if he fits all your categories why not just accept"
"Huh?"
He sighed "look you said you'll marry one day, see if he meets your categories then why not him"
"I'm 13"
"Who asked you to get married now idiot; tell him to wait till you're ready, I'm sure he'll agree to any conditions you give him"
"But Uncle C .....You know I just wanna get married cause its sunhat, nothing else."
"Sweetie listen, I'm not going to pursue you to do anything against your will; I never have and I never will. But your criteria's are hard to get in most people and he seems to genuinely care for you"
I gave him a flat look. "He doesn't even know me."
"You know....."
"I know you're enjoying this immensely."
"I'm sorry but seeing you sweat over something is a rare opportunity; even for me."
Knock!
"What?!" I screamed at whoever was daring to interrupt my conversation with Uncle C .
"Yusuppi; dad's calling you" Zaira's timid voice came from the other side.
I took a few deep breathes and slowly went to the living room.
"Yes Uncle?" I was always a little careful in front of my second Uncle; he's not that strict I was just always nervous around him.
He didn't look at me. He turned towards Mr Pavilion and said "At the end of the day it's her choice."
Mr Pavilion thought it over for a while "I'd like to speak to her alone." Without another word they left the room.
I grabbed his hand and pulled him towards my brothers' room.
"If only I knew you were that eager to get me alone." He mused, and people call me ignorant.
"You know, you won't be able to buy off my relatives." All the branded presents did not go unnoticed by me.
"You're not impressed?"
I smirked "Not in the slightest." I hate bribery.
"Your family seemed to like it"
"You're a chubby-cooder, aren't you" It was more of a statement than a question.
"Ever since I was 13 never once did I find a large woman attractive, so I assure you my reason for liking you are not that" some assurance that was
"Are you rich?"
"Filthy"
"Live with your parents?"
"Nope"
"Where do you live?"
"Depending on my mood; but I'm American, if that's what you're askin" how the hell did he know what I was asking is beyond me.
"Age?"
"17"
"Too old" it's true; I have a 3 years difference rule, if anyone's above that I don't want em.
"What?!" the second time I caught him off guard.
"You're too old; I'm not interested in anyone who's more than 3 years older than me."
"Technically that's our exact age difference. I turned 17 this month and you'll turn 14 next month."
I narrowed my eyes "How do you know that??"
He looked at me like the answer was obvious "I'm rich and powerful." And so I can get anything I want including information. He didn't have to finish his sentence I knew what he was telling me.
"You'll get hurt" I knew he'd understand what I meant by that.
"I know" he said with just a neutral smile; cynical bastard.
"I have conditions"
"How would it be any fun if you didn't?"
"No wedding till I'm 32"
"Roughly about 18 years" wow he is so good at math; note the sarcasm.
"Yea or nah?" I demanded.
"Yes!" he replied drily.
"I don't want too many people to know about this" I said the last word with some distaste.
"How long?"
"Till I say so"
"My family need to know"
"Only child?"
"Huh?" He was a little confused; I broke the sequence of the questions.
"Are you an only child?" I asked again this time breaking it in to syllables.
"Yus...."
I didn't let him finish "Call me Y"
"Why?"
"Just cause.....I prefer it that way."
He was irritated now "Ok Y......" emesis on the letter Y "I'm my parents' only child; which you'd remember if you had listened to me back at the diner. Anyway Y, will you be my fiancée till you're ready to marry me?"
Which won't ever happen I muttered under my breath, not so quietly that he wouldn't notice.
"Let's just go and tell the others. I'm sure they're dying for the news."
Again all he did was chuckle and agree "lets."
And that's how I at such a tender age am engaged to a complete stranger. See not something I could've predicted.
He's settling into his role of a sweet son-in-law. I'm so fuckin hungry but thanks to him because my Uncle and mother think I ate too much during lunch; no supper.
Master Chief Australia in these TV's is way ahead of ours back home. I'm not watching it that much this year but I still love the permanent judges. They're really nice.
Food......Some food....... I know I'm just overreacting; this isn't the first time I've been without food but it is the first time I'm actually hungry and am no allowed to touch it.
I wanna go to that DVD store tomorrow. The faster I get it the better. Zaira's worried about what she's ganna get for her friends. We're all laughing at her for that. She's such a social person. It's a good thing. But I'm sure none of her friends care about her as much as she cares about them. She makes me worry about her.
I should really get this ring off my finger. Who carries engagement rings with them? Weirdo!
Is it just me or am I writing too much these days? Nah it's just me
I'm ganna go and get this ring off my finger so yea.......