9th spetember'11
9th sept
The day's 9th Sept'11 and the time's somewhere between 2-3 am. I'm currently in Kuala Lumpur at the Westinn Hotel room no.805; a two bedroom one kitchen one dining-living room apartment suit along with my granma, my-mother, my brother, my cousin Zaira along with her two brothers Vai and Tyjah. They are all of Course asleep.
I don't know if it's jetlag or the motor bikes racing outside or the stress of returning back home to face my failure or perhaps it's the humiliation I've been feeling from the beginning of the trip from coming on a trip on my dad's death day to getting it fully paid by my aunt but I just can't bring myself to sleep on time.
So here I am in the middle of the dead night wearing only a bathrobe loosely around myself, while watching a dumb Malaysian soap opera; which by the way has no English subtitle, other than one in another language; which I of Course don't understand.
Today was a long day so I should be dead tired but I'm not. These days I'm feeling so empty. But at the same time the serenity here is inspiring me. Ideas are coming all the time for my novel "The diary of a sleeping queen" . It's an interpretation of my favourite anime Blood+ along with a La corda do'ro primo passo twist so yea I'm increasing the number of guys after her. I'm gonna be the youngest writer ever cuz I wanna get my book written and published while I'm still 13 so I guess I only have roughly less than a month left.
I went off topic yet again; sorry for that but I do have a habit of doing that so might as well get used to it. I really wanna go to the immortal tour in Malaysia but sadly we're not staying that long L.
We did a lot of things today. We had an early start; quite forcefully on my part. We had the breakfast at the hotel as always and then headed to the Pavilion which is right across the road; not joking that close. We didn't stay there for long cuz we had a trip planned for today.
We went to the Genting highlands today; where the adults left us in the amusement park by ourselves, only cuz we were basically locked in there. I honestly didn't mind the sense of freedom I got from hanging around without the adults even if it was with a border. I just had fun running around from here to there on my free will; of Course all of us cousins were moving in a group but still it was great fun.
I didn't get to ride most of the rides cuz of my height phobia. The one ride that I did get on; I ended up standing behind a guy who smoked. I absolutely can't stand the smell of smoke so that was annoying but now that I think about it, I probably met him two more times in the park. I have a crush on him. Wanna know why?
Cuz I have absolutely no resistance towards bad boys which he clearly was. I can't even remember his face, all I can remember is that he was wearing a grey t-shirt and maybe a pair of dark jeans; not sure about the jeans though. Yeah I'm that weak against stupid bad boys but at least he was a real bad boy not the wanna bees.
Another thing that happened to me in the park was kinda awkward. I was waiting on the sweet corns that we ordered and I was getting impatient. I mumbled a bad word under my breath and suddenly the server guy raised his head with this glow in his eyes. Apparently he was also from Durn; the rest was awkward history so I quickly left. I wasn't gonna sit and chit chat with this guy who only knew I was a Durni cuz I called him a bad name so I just awkwardly took my sweet corns and well left....politely.
By the time it was 6 and the adults were done with whatever the hell they were doing and so we were heading back. I waned to visit Urbaneat her boarding school so I insisted we go there on our way back. It was here anyway.
It was really dark by the time we got there. Urbanewas very happy to see us. I just felt kinda empty honestly cuz most of the time it was just us but now everyone was there so I didn't say much; I was also the last one to get out from the van; don't know why I was acting the way I was. I hugged her and all that.
She was really really happy. It was the first time any of her extended family had ever visited her school so yea she was really happy. We didn't stay long. They were having a small Malaysian new year's celebration feast with a few flying lanterns and all that. They asked us to stay but it was getting late and it was a long drive back so we said a quick farewell and merrily went on our way.
I really don't know how they still had the energy or maybe I'm just being a party pooper but my aunt along with all my cousins and my brother went to the twin towers. I came back to rest with my Uncle, granma and Mother.
I slept till around 11 to 12 and then granma woke me up for the Chinese? Well I don't know which cuisine it was but some takeout my Uncle brought for us. I quietly nibbled on some. I'm not that hungry these days.
I waited for everyone to come and finish their showers so I could go last. The bathtub was in the room all my brothers were sharing. I didn't wanna be disturbed so I went last every day and then took a long hot soak in there.
I think this is my favourite part of the whole trip. The calming night baths on bathtubs with nothing but the water and me; of Corse let's not forget the blasting pub music's that can be heard even from the bathroom.
I always lie in the hot water thinking of the future. If one day maybe I can come to such a place alone; mostly thinking about the future. I already have it planned out. I wanna go to a university, become a scientist and then become a great businessman. I wanna sever all of my ties with my family. I hate it, I really do. I hate that no matter what my Mother does; I still love her even though I also hate her. It's quite ironic really; loving the person you hate the most in the world.
I almost forgot to mention, I found a little DVD store in a hidden corner in the pavilion; I know why only always the pavilion? Its cuz it's the closest so we just buy everything from there. It's just convenient that way.
So the store, it's small and I only got a side glance so I'm not even sure if it has anime but I'm really hoping it does. I have some dollars and ringgits saved up. I waned to buy a laptop with that money but I discovered in Bangkok that laptops are far more expensive so I just saved up all the money for anime.
Most people might not get why I love anime so much but it just makes me happy; I know it sounds dumb but for an empty shell like me anything that can even remotely touch my heart is special.
There are three things I care about in the world
Uncle C (Leslie Cheung)
Anime
Nature & Children
These are the only things that can warm my heart and make my walls fall, everything else is just there, not really mattering anymore.
Like I said before, a long day.......goodnight.
8 am.
It is way too fuckin early for me to be writing!
But sadly the breakfast ends at around 9 am so I had to get up early, get my ass dressed and come to the 31st floor for some grub.
I'm not even sure why I'm even writing down every detail; hell! I'm not even sure why the hell I am even writing in a dairy. I have dairies and don't get me wrong, I write in em too but what I don't do is write on a daily basis.
People who have daily journals are people who really need someone to hear em out. I have Uncle C so I have no idea why I'd need to write down everything. I can just tell him stuff and that's all there is.
Oh well, it's not like writing's a bad habit and my dad used to do it all the time so in a way I guess it's a good thing.
I'm at a two people table with Zaira. I ordered an ice tea. I wanna try one badly. Recently I've noticed that I can't tell the difference between too sweet and too bitter. They taste the same to me. That's also a good thing I guess, I am pre-diabetic after all.
I'm strictly following my Thai doctor's advice. Avoiding carbs and only mostly eating protein. Actually I'm following it so strictly because Uncle C forbade it. If he says no then it's a no.
Zaira's sitting across from me talking about lord knows what. I'm not paying attention as usual; I'm not completely ignorant, I know it's about a guy. I've never been the conservative type. If someone wants something, who am I to judge them. I just listen and accept. It has mostly nothing to do with me.
And if I did think whatever they want or are going to do is really that bad I usually just try to make them understand the seriousness of the situation.
I am in no form of the word a good girl or a perfect child. I'm disaster and problem in human form. I even failed my finals. It did bother me, still does but there's nothing I can do about it. Noting is interesting anymore.
The ice tea is here and so are the grownups, might as well eat something before heading out.
1:36pm.
I'm at the Pavilion; let's just call it the mall for short. I'm at some food joint called the Manhattan Fish Market. My aunt's with me. Actually it's just the two of us. The time's around 1:30 pm. We're having lunch.
I ordered some fish & chips and an oreo milkshake. Aunt said the fish and chips here are really good. I went along with it, I didn't argue. Most of the-scratch that, all of the workers here a Durni's so we're getting special treatment.
If a week ago, someone told me I would be alone sitting with my aunt willingly, having a quiet comfortable lunch; I'd have scorned at them. I hated her, even a week ago. All she ever did was judge. But because of a simple gesture of helping me get over my fear of escalators has diminished all of my hatred towards her.
Now I don't hate her nor do I love her. I just care about her because she's family and I'm only here for four more years.
She isn't that bad and that's all that matters. I'm tired of hating people anyway. The foods here so yea.....
3pm.
I just got back from the mall. My aunt dropped me off. I was feeling lightheaded so I asked her to let me go back to the hotel but she refused to let me leave alone and so dropped me off at the main entrance.
On our way back we checked out a little body care shop. It was a nice enough place. I brought back a few perfume samples. God they smell nice. I like vanilla the best. We also checked out a nice skincare and cosmetic shop. I loved the place because they were playing Uncle C 's song.
I'm not alone at the suit, Zaira came back with me. I think I'll just rest up for a bit and then maybe head out a little later.
A while back. A few hours to be exact; I bought a few clothes that aunt thinks are absolutely of horrible material. She wants me to get refunds. I'm fine with that. What bothers me the most is the fact that they are all allowing me to go and change it alone.
That maybe normal for more than 3 quarters of the world but for us it's not. I'm happy to do it. I like alone time with my Uncle C and also myself. There is a curfew of Corse. I have to get back before sundown. That's fine by me but this is just plain weird.
9pm.
I'm having supper at nando's with just us cousins. The women are probably at the Manhattan Fish Market or pizza hut and my Uncle, god knows where he is. I didn't order anything too hot fearing I won't be able to handle it.
Everyone chose the medium heat other than Vai; he's such a show off. He went with hot; not too hot just hot. We're all drinking coke and laughing about talking or arguing about this and that. I'm scared what Zaira's ganna do later; she really gets crazy after drinking coke.
Now's a very inappropriate time to write but I have to express my views about what happened a few hours ago.
So I packed all the clothes aunt waned me to return in a small duffle bag and went on my way. I bought the clothes from a small boutique; near the mall and the hotel but not beside either.
I went in, handed the bag to a sale's girl; asked for refund. She didn't argue about not talking it back or no refund, nothing like that. She said she'll just check it and then she started taking out the clothes like a possessed person.
I was puzzled for a bit but then I just let her do her thing. I looked out the door and saw a guy passing by. He had nice broad shoulders and a nice tan skin. I could tell he was well toned from his ripped biceps. He was tall roughly about 5"11 to 6 feet. He was wearing a white buttoned up short sleeved shirt with a grey vest and some grey dress pants.
What really attracted my attention was his conversation with the owner. They were going to the back. She kept repeating the same thing over and over "Our suits are not worthy of you". I thought that was extremely strange for the designer to say that but I didn't sweat over it for too long. It wasn't any of my business.
Not a few minutes did that guy leave, the sales girl gripped my wrist and dragged me to what I'm presuming was the storage area. She told me to stay put.
She left without saying another word. It didn't take long for me to figure out what was wrong. The whole shop was on lockdown and the police were checking for ID's. I would've been able to get away if I didn't look so damned Chinese.
I tried to escape quietly but sadly got caught. A guy helped me out by saying I was with him. He was a nice enough guy. He helped me through the whole ordeal and left even before I could thank him.
He was a redhead; totally my type; lean, tall, pale and a redhead at that. I never got his name......
Luckily the sales girl did give me a full refund. I don't know what I would've said if I had to come back empty handed after taking so long.
Zaira just asked me "Yafeena, whatcha writing?"
"Just stuff never mind me, what happened to that guy you were talking about? Your best friend?"
That's all it takes for my airheaded cousin to lose focus. I'd rather hear about a boy from her school than tell her about what's really bothering me. Anyway it was just a thing that happened, nothing to mull over.
I should really start eating.
11pm.
Those conniving thieves! They never told us about the service charges! They basically played us! Plus the moderate wasn't even spicy and Vai's one was only a little hot. Cheaters!
Either way, our fault. It's 11:45 so I guess good night; I'm ganna hit the bath; Man why am I always so god damn horny! It is so frustrating to know that you're the only one who feels the heat while all the other girls never even come close to experiencing it agh!