Glubb glubbb glubbbb!!! Somebody save me!!! Huh?!
"Ryuk, you're doing great!" Mom cheers like she's not actively trying to end me, launching another water arrow at my face—this time, infused with light magic.
Oh, fantastic. Now I'm not just drowning, I'm being blinded while drowning. What's next? Fire magic? Just roast me alive and call it 'training' already!
"MOM! GIVE ME A BREAK!!! I NEED TO—"
Glubbb glubbb glubbbb!
I don't even finish before another wave slams into me. My tiny body tumbles through the water like a sock in a storm. I'm three! Why am I fighting for my life against tsunamis?! Shouldn't I be playing with wooden toys and eating cookies?!
"Ryuk, focus! Feel the mana in your surroundings, control the flow, and—"
"AND DODGE THE ATTACKS???"
Mom claps her hands. "Yes! You're getting it!"
NO, I'M NOT! I'M JUST GETTING BETTER AT SCREAMING UNDERWATER!!!
She beams proudly. "Now, let's add some light magic. A real attack spell!"
Oh great, she's leveling up the murder attempts.
A golden magic circle glows beneath Mom's feet. I barely get a second to panic before a shining water spear comes flying at me.
"MOOOOOOM!!!"
SPLASH!
I get blasted across the training ground, spinning like a thrown ragdoll before belly-flopping into the water. This is abuse. I demand justice. Somebody, ANYBODY, call child services—oh wait, this is a fantasy world, I'm doomed.
Mom places her hands on her hips. "Not bad, but you need to control your defenses better!"
I lay floating in the water, my soul leaving my body. Lady, I'm trying to control my survival first.
And just like that, my training continues...
As I'm drowning yet again, my tiny body thrashing like a fish that made a terrible life decision, I see my life flash before my eyes.
So this is how it ends… not in a heroic battle, not in a legendary duel, but in my mother's overenthusiastic 'training session.
Just as I'm about to accept my fate—
"WAHHHHHHHHH!!!"
Asuna's cry pierces the air.
Mom, mid-cast, freezes. "Oh! Looks like Asuna woke up!"
She immediately turns and runs toward the house, leaving me behind like discarded laundry.
HUH?! LADY, I'M STILL DROWNING!!!
I weakly lift my trembling hand, reaching toward her dramatically as she disappears into the distance.
Aah… my dear, sweet baby sister… Once again, you have saved my life. Truly, I owe you a great debt.
I sink back into the water, eyes filled with gratitude. In my past life, you were my light. In this life… you are quite literally the reason I am not currently meeting the afterlife gods again.
I clutch my tiny fist. Fear not, my beloved sister. In this lifetime, I shall build you a temple! A grand, magnificent temple in your honor!
I then realize… I'm still in the water.
Ah… crap. I still need someone to pull me out.
Ah, no one's here… Guess I'll just get out myself. Piece of cake, huh!
I drag my tiny, drenched body onto land, flopping onto the grass like a fish that barely escaped a net.
"Meow~"
Huh? Oh—Noya! My precious Noya!
She gracefully climbs onto my shoulder, rubbing against my cheek. But as I hold her up, I suddenly realize—
"Wait a second… You've grown. Quite a lot, actually. In just three months, no less! From a tiny furball to… well, a slightly bigger furball."
Her fur has a slight glow now, and I can sense a faint magical aura.
"Hah! Finally, you're showing signs of being something more than just an overgrown lap warmer! A mythical beast in the making, perhaps?!"
Feeling proud, I grin and declare, "Finally, you won't be useless!"
…And just as I say that, Noya flops off my shoulder like a sack of rice, landing on her back with a lazy "Mrrp."
I stare.
"…Ah. I take it back. You're just becoming a spoiled house cat, huh?"
Noya blinks at me, yawns, and stretches like she owns the place.
Yep. Completely useless.
What a joke I've become.
"First, this reincarnation. Then, my perfectly planned NPC life getting ruined day by day. And now, surviving my parents' so-called 'training' and 'bonding' sessions that are just glorified attempts on my life. Wow."
I sit there, drenched, exhausted, and questioning every life decision that led me here.
"This isn't a reincarnation story. This is a slapstick comedy novel, and I'm the punchline."
Noya, still lying flat on her back, lazily flicks her tail. She gets to live the spoiled, carefree life of a cat while I get thrown around like a training dummy.
I sigh, staring at the sky.
Maybe I should've just stayed dead.
It's all because of that Akito Kurogane!!!
"Curse you, Akito Kurogane! Living a peaceful life as a novelist on that planet called Earth while I'm stuck here doing your job for the second time! Do you have any idea what I'm going through?!"
I shake my fist at the sky, as if somehow my rage could reach across dimensions. Noya, meanwhile, just yawns like she's seen this meltdown a hundred times already.
"If I ever figure out dimensional travel magic, I'm marching straight to Earth, kicking down your door, and having a SERIOUS talk! And by talk, I mean throwing you into this world and taking your place!"
I can already imagine it. Me, lying on a comfy bed, sipping tea, writing about some hero's struggles while he gets thrown into tsunamis, whacked with wooden swords, and chased by mythical beasts.
Ah… "A dream worth fighting for."