Lily knew this wasn't a moment for questioning. The hurt was evident in his eyes and she could only brace herself for whatever was to come.
Harry thought of the best way to say it. How to diminish the pain he was about to inflict, but he couldn't find it, those perfect words. In the end, this was his reaping.
"Do you remember what you told me in the library? About how you thought I looked like James."
His eyes turned to her in fondness. "About how looking into my eyes was like looking into a mirror."
"There's no easy way to explain it, Lily." He moved a lock of hair from his forehead. "Not too long from now, the wizard known now as Voldemort would give me this scar. And as he did he would suffer a defeat that left him barely alive. I was too young to remember when it happened, and you were the one who saved my life, at the cost of yours."
A look of dread came over her face and she couldn't find words to speak.
"I survived because of your love for me. The love for your son." He paused as Lily's face went pale and her eyes shone wet. "But he returned, and when he did he was prepared. His soul was split into seven pieces, we almost managed to take him down, but we made a mistake. That's when I was sent here, blindly into the past with magic guarded at Hogwarts for centuries."
Lily was crying, panting. "You don't know what you're saying. Just stop."
"I'm sorry." He said reaching into his pocket, and took out his cloak.
"That's James'..."
"No, he has his own. You must've figured it out, it's one of the Deathly Hallows. There's not supposed to be another like it."
She had covered her face with her arm, crying into it.
He sighed, tears still in his eyes. "Do you believe me?"
"How – could I?" she whimpered.
"Dumbledore knows. I banked on him figuring it out, but he doesn't really know who I am, all he knows is I came here with a purpose. You can ask him. He gave me safe haven at Hogwarts, but I guess that's over now." He looked down, Lily's distress gnawing at him. "Don't worry, I'll be gone by the morning."
A slap hit him right in the face, jostling his glasses.
"You don't get to do that! Walk out of people's lives like that. Regulus, Sirius, me! I won't let you leave without saying a word."
She took his hand but might as well have been squeezing his heart.
"You need to give me time, Harry. Time to think about this." she pleaded swallowing her tears. "Promise me."
Harry let out a ragged breath, not sure he could take much more of this. "All right. I promise."
She nodded, squeezed his hand between hers one last time and left. His limbo was unbearable.
-sSsSsSsSs-
The bush was thick and heavy, making Harry's legs tangle for every pace. He knew it was after him, he could hear its hissing so clear it rang through his head. His wand was painfully absent from his waist, he was exposed, vulnerable. Feet became heavier and his body sluggish, like raking though muck. It became clear that he would find no escape, only a pitiful death torn apart by gnashing fangs.
He wished someone was here to help him, if only Hermione were here. His legs caught on a vine and he fell, his chest hitting dirt and pushing out the air out from his lungs. Everything hurt. He tried to make it forward, but his body was useless, paralyzed. He cried out, but no sound came out.
The gaping maw appeared above him. Yellow hungry eyes staring back at him and behind it came worse. Riddle's elongated decrepit face grinned horrors at him. "Finally found you, Harry."
The voice extended backwards and past its breath, saturating the very air. "I'll rip you, slice you, boil your blood and grind your bones to dust. And when I'm done, I'll do the same to your sssssweet Lily."
Harry felt sadness envelop him. He was like a rabbit caught in a trap, dead, alone. Falling.
Falling.
Falling.
Harry.
Harry.
"Harry!"
He felt cold sweat all over him. A blurred image appeared in front, a person. He grabbed his glasses from the night stand.
"Reg?"
"Shhh!" Reg sighed. "Pick a good time to have a nightmare, bloody idiot."
He looked at the clock. It was almost four AM, the witching hour. Still confused and fuzzy he put on his clothes in silence. When he was done, Reg pulled him aside in the common room.
"You're real trouble you know that? I'm supposed to give you a message."
"What? What are you talking about?"
Reg sighed. "Well Luci gets woken up, middle of the night by Sarah, Gryffindor girl who's an old friend. Luci risks the boys dorm to wake me up, gives me the message and now here I am."
Harry didn't have the energy for mysteries. "What's the message then?"
"Says to meet her in your secret place. Must've been real urgent, risking detention for a whole army."
Harry rubbed his eyes and let out a deep breath. "Thanks."
Once outside the common room, Harry put on the Cloak of Invisibility to make sure he would get there without trouble. Mechanically following his footsteps to the seventh floor he closed his eyes and wished to see Lily. In front of him appeared a rounded leather-bound door with a brass handle. His heart jumped as he made his way in.
Inside, sitting on a fabric red couch was a tired and reflective Lily, dressed in a red and gold sweater and cotton trousers, her silky red hair bound in a pony-tail. The dim light of the fireplace danced on her features, even with heavy eyes she looked like something out of a painting. The angles of her cheeks were perfect contrasts of dark and pink. Once again he felt sorrow fill him as he imagined the possibility of leaving her behind. She tapped the open space beside her and he sat down.
"I need to ask you some questions." she said.
He nodded.
She closed her eyes and pulled up her legs, rubbing her knee. "If me and James… don't get together. What will happen to you? Will you…" Her voice caught in her throat. "Will you disappear?"
Letting out a deep breath, Harry shook his head. "No. Lies from the Ministry, they got rid of every mention of temporal magic at the same time. Except for Hogwarts' secret library. I don't know much beyond that, Minerva was the one who knew about it, and even she didn't know much."
"Professor McGonagall?" Lily asked in surprise.
"The very same. Good woman, she helped as much as she could."
Lily nodded, pondering something. "And if you succeed. When, you succeed, what happens then?" She turned to look at him. "Will you go back?"
Harry forced a laugh. "Wouldn't know how if I wanted to. This was always a one-way ticket."
"But if you could..."
Thinking of what he left behind, he felt sadness. "I don't know."
"But what do you want, right now?"
"I don't get to want that, I don't belong here."
"You do." She took his hand.
"But you understood what I said. You being you, and me being me."
"Yes."
"And you don't think it's..."
"Weird?" She tentatively laughed. "It's absolutely mental. But all I know is when I saw you there for the first time, when we got to know each other." She shuffled closer. "When we kissed. And kissed again. I know what I felt for you then, I know what I feel for you now. That I can't change."
Harry just sat in silence for a moment at her words. "It doesn't feel real."
"Then how does this feel?" Lily moved her hand to his shoulder and straddled him, meeting his lips in an earnest affectionate kiss. He pulled her close and felt her warmth, her chest, her legs grinding against him. It didn't feel real, but his body was screaming in joy.
Tonight that's where their intimacy stayed, taking pleasure in each other's arms in confidence.
As they sat beside each other she spoke. "Before we go back, I have a surprise for you."
"Thought you'd be sick of surprises."
She snickered and her nose wrinkled in the cutest way. "No, really." She paused and gave him a prideful look. "I'm staying at Hogwarts for the holidays."
Harry sat up. "What?"
"I went to the owlery right after you told me everything."
He was amazed. "I don't know what to say."
"I'll settle for a thank you."
"Thank you." He grinned.
Under the cover of the cloak, he escorted her to the dorms and returned to his. The few hours of quiet he had left, he spent in complete bliss.
-sSsSsSsSs-
Since the night of the duel they had met a few times to talk, Harry had revealed part of his past future and their sessions had been punctuated by wild and all-consuming outbursts of reckless affection. He had marveled at the softness of her skin as he grabbed her hips in the heat of a kiss. She had explored the curves of his muscles over his shirt with languid strokes of her finger. The intoxication of their new love was a constant distraction, a distraction he welcomed like fresh morning air in his lungs.
She had learned about the Marauders, about Remus and Sirius' future. He had left out the tragedy of Pettigrew's betrayal, there was still no reason to act and in Harry's mind he was beyond saving. They had talked of Hermione and Ron, of Minerva, Dumbledore, of the tragedy that befell the Weasleys. By the end she had a rough idea of the turmoil that was appearing on the horizon.
With much protest she had convinced him he would need help, that he couldn't fight this evil on his own. But she was right, he was no one man army, Riddle was not some upstart villain to be caught unawares. He was intelligent, calculating and unspeakably vicious. They would have to fully use Harry's prescience to succeed. But even convinced he could not banish the worry that harm might come to his allies.
It was with thoughts of worry that he observed the perfect arch of her back, a drop of sweat running down her neck. She was breathing in shorter bursts as seconds ticked by, the trail of her bound hair moving against her as she did, she was almost at her limit.
As Harry snapped out of his daydreaming, he stepped in front of her to draw the attention of the crystal, the probing exploring its new target with urgency.
"That's enough for today." he said holding out his hands.
She righted herself and they left the stifling oppression of the room. She was leaning on his shoulders as they went outside. He swept the sweat off her brow with his sleeve and put his arms around her waist, tightening his embrace slowly pressing their bodies together.
She sighed. "Can't believe you managed to learn in just two weeks."
"You're doing amazing. You just need some rest and it will come easier. Besides, I had training before, only with Riddle driving me mad drilling his way into my head."
Harry was reminded of Severus again. He would have to tell her eventually, but he hesitated. There was only so much devastating news a person could take, even if that person was Lily Evans.
She nodded and directed her attention to his lower abdomen as if to count individual muscles. Over the passing days a silent agreement had been reached that their intimacy was leading to something they both wanted more every day, and that it would come to a climax during their winter break. It was a slowly growing, crackling fire being fed by two people and he enjoyed every second of it.
"Remus is spending the holidays at Hogwarts again. Heard him talking about it yesterday."
He would make for a formidable ally.
"You think he'd enjoy spending time with us?" A shadow came over Harry's face and she noticed.
She let out an irksome sigh. "You can't keep blaming yourself for what happens to him. James made his own darn choices."
"I know." he said planting a kiss on her brow. "Just feels sort of wrong poaching Remus off him."
"He's not the one trying to save the world."
He smiled and his nose tickled her cheek. "Of course, you're right"
But he couldn't get rid of his hesitation.
-sSsSsSsSs-
Over dinner Regulus had taken to grilling Harry about his indiscreet absences.
"Have a good bit of snogging did you, Harry?"
He shook his head.
"I mean if you wanted to be discreet about it, maybe you shouldn't come in the main hall at the same time, bit of a tip-off."
"I don't know what you're talking about. I just came from the library."
"Oh you filthy liar." Luci said.
"Really, rookie move, I was at the library and there's no way Mrs. Pince would allow what you two are doing." Reg added.
Harry smiled and dug into his meat pie, looking at the two. "So you two were at the library then?"
Luci blushed and Reg quickly pretended the conversation never happened.
"Oh you think you were being subtle?" Harry laughed.
"Fine! Quiet down already, someone could hear you." Reg whispered.
"I heard." Nathan replied in between a mouthful of potatoes, laughing. "And I have to repeat. Did you really think you were being subtle?"
Luci's eyes went wide and she cleared her throat, standing up. "If you'll excuse me."
Reg looked at Harry like he had murdered his cat. As Luci left he just couldn't stop laughing. "Well go on then, Reg. Run after her!"
"I'll get you back for this." Regulus swore as he stood up.
"All right. Better hurry."
Reg urgently left the hall to go look for Luci.
"That was too easy." Nathan said salting another serving.
-sSsSsSsSs-
Lily was furiously busy making notes from a potions manual when she saw Sirius enter the common room.
"Hey." she said casting a quick glance.
She stopped her scribbling when she noticed he was just sitting quietly in an armchair, leaning forward and fidgeting. Taking her time putting her work aside she dragged her legs onto the couch, looking at him.
"Something up?"
He took a moment of contemplation before he spoke. "I'm going back home for the holidays." he answered, still fidgeting.
Her brow furrowed. "Home home?"
He nodded. "Sent an owl to mum. Said I wanted to support Reg as new heir to the family. She said yes."
He released a breath he had been holding. "James didn't take it too well, but I think it's best if he's alone for a while. Give him time to think things over. Besides, I want to help out Regulus."
Lily stood up and went over to Sirius. She gave him a big hug, sitting on one of the arm rests. "That's great. I'm so proud of you, love."
"Thanks. I'm lucky to have you," he said smiling, "how's your man anyway?"
She betrayed a beaming grin.
"That good huh?" He chuckled.
She smiled and patted him on the back. "Well done you big ol' lecher."