The holidays were approaching quickly and Harry had spent his time shadowing the young Severus where he could. It's no wonder he had escaped his mind as the to-be-potionsmaster had a knack for hiding in plain sight. The few times he stood out is when Slughorn praised him but even that didn't attract attention.
Anxiety reared its ugly head as Harry realized James might have played a part in Severus' silent nature. He had seen the revelation of the pensieve and although he dismissed part of it at the time to a biased point of view, recent events had hinted at the opposite.
Severus took some afternoons to study in the grasslands of Hogwarts grounds, even at the dawn of winter. Harry took out his transfiguration curriculum as he watched. He had to find an in, a way to gain his trust.
His in happened to manifest on the 2nd of December, in a way Harry found most unpleasant. James was as usual accompanied by his now doubting posse. Sirius was clearly trying to argue with him but failing, Remus and Pettigrew were trailing behind as they tended to. They made their way towards Severus.
Harry scoffed at James' cowardice. Instead of confronting the source of his frustration, he had opted for a more pliant target. But Harry watched patiently, he knew that soon his cue for action would come.
James goaded the young Snape. First with words, then by kicking whatever book he was reading out of his hands. Severus put on a fake bravery, standing up and facing off with James. This was enough.
Harry made his way to the scene, wand in hand.
"Stand down, Potter."
James whirled around. "Why don't you mind your own business?"
"You bothering a Slytherin makes it my business."
"Oh yeah. And who made you prefect? Walk away, Peltier, or-"
"Or what? You'll call me a half-blood?" Harry's fury was boiling over.
James sneered at this. "You know when Lily gets tired of playing around I'll be there to laugh at you."
"Don't hold your breath."
Sirius was pulling James back. Whatever courage James thought he had, deflated in an instant, and guided back by his friends he walked away.
Harry picked up the book that had been pelted away and handed it to Severus.
Severus took it and averted his eyes. "I didn't need your help."
Harry sighed. Of course it wouldn't be that easy. "And if I happened to need yours? Besides it's not like I need a reason to enjoy pissing off James Potter."
"Well I have to be going." Severus said.
As he turned to leave, Harry mustered his courage. "I know you care about her."
Severus looked caught off-guard. "What are you talking about?"
"I heard... I've seen the way you look at her. And things being as they are, I know it's hard for you to consider me an ally. Just… don't become James Potter."
This seemed to have gotten his attention, but as soon as hope manifested he crawled back into his carefully constructed shell, and walked off.
-sSsSsSsSs-
Hogwarts was slowly filling with the unmistakable anticipation of Christmas cheer. Students got letters from home, Zonko's was popular as ever and everyone was dressed in winter wear. Harry had never felt that pull of family togetherness except for his time at the Burrow. And even if he had no measure of comparison, he knew that too was only a substitute.
But it was always something Harry looked forward to at Hogwarts. Something about the winter air made him cheery. Even though he hadn't said anything, he took pleasure in seeing Reg and Luci betray their new intimacy. He wondered how long they had danced around their relationship. It seemed his reconciliation with Sirius had awakened a confidence he didn't know he had.
It was dinner on the 6th and Harry was enjoying some roasted chestnuts. Regulus told him Sirius wanted to talk and would wait in the courtyard. Harry thanked him but knew this could be no good sign. It's not that they had such a good friendship that he just wanted to chat, especially since James now certainly hated his guts.
He was sitting on a bench, betraying nervousness, but gave Harry a bashful hello.
"Harry. Thanks for coming, let's sit for a minute."
"I take it this isn't good news."
"Hah. No not really. Well first I still want to thank you. Wasn't for you and Lily, me and Reg still wouldn't be talking right now." He showed exasperation. "But no, that's not why I'm here."
He seemed to be searching for words that might make this less painful. "I wanted to tell you to watch your back. James has been getting worse lately, keeps saying how he'll make 'that snake who stole Lily' pay. If he knew I told you this… Let's just say he's not the most laid-back person I know.
"I don't know what to do any more. It's like he's a different person. Never used to be so spiteful, and what he said to..." Turning to Harry he gave a forced smile. "I just don't want any more people getting hurt."
Harry sighed and nodded. "I'm not sure how much I can help it, but I get it." He got up. "Thanks for the warning."
There was no way Harry had a good feeling about this, he could already see the inevitable confrontation and it was not something he looked forward to. Didn't James see how everything he did was only driving Lily and his friends away further? He remembered that he once made that mistake too, even if it never went as far as this. He felt icky, he wasn't sure if it was the lying or the fact that James wished him cursed.
-sSsSsSsSs-
Talk around the common room was all about the Inter-House Cup. Ravenclaw's recent victory had more or less cemented them as their ultimate rival. Their Captain and seeker Helena might or might not have been responsible for a broken leg in their match against Hufflepuff. It was always a crapshoot to go up against a team that employed dirty tactics. Not that this wasn't an integral part of quidditch, Harry wasn't that naive. After all, the sport was born from a tradition of foul play. It just wasn't his style.
Hot chocolate and butterfly-mellows was the treat of the day. The peculiar sweets would spin themselves warm in the hearth and land in the cup of coco as they were thrown. Eventually the topic of holiday plans came up.
"Are you going back home, Harry?" Luci asked.
"No, parents won't make it home. Busy season."
"Well I hear Hogwarts isn't all bad during the season. Sirius told me the feasts are quite lavish." Reg said.
"Since when do you talk?" Nathan asked in surprise.
Regulus shrugged. "Just do."
Nathan seemed surprised but shrugged as well.
"Hey on the bright side, you'll have plenty of time to practice your broomwork."
"That's nice." Harry agreed. "I have some work I wanted to get finished over the break anyway."
True enough, Harry wanted to plan his assault on the Horcruxes. Godric's sword had been the way to go, but two possible problems he thought of. First, the sword hadn't been infused with basilisk venom yet, and second, he wasn't even a Gryffindor any more. With the diminishing traffic he would need to plan a trip to the restricted section of the library.
Luci went on to tell about how awful her sisters were around Christmas time, but there was a certain melancholy in her voice that made it seem like she would enjoy her last break home as a student. Nathan would go over to his uncle, who had a manor in the highlands, and he swore two years ago they managed to spot Nessie. Severus was again nowhere to be spotted, Harry had to be better about trying to include him into the Slytherin inner circle.
-sSsSsSsSs-
Two days later Harry got a note left on his potions desk in the 4th period.
Need to talk. See you in the 3rd floor armory later. Lily.
Harry frowned. She omitted to say what it was about and had never done so before, and the armory? He sighed. It was too obvious, and he thought about not going, but he couldn't dodge the problem infinitely. Better to confront James now than let things stew over the break. It was an awfully underhanded way to get to him though.
Harry made his way to the third floor as the after-class traffic had died down. He carefully watched every corner and shadow. If James was backwards enough to lure him with a supposed letter from Lily, he didn't put it past him to ambush him on the way there. That wasn't the case.
Waiting in the armory was a steely-eyed James Potter. Clearly he had been talking himself up to do this. But it was false determination.
"Are you sure they sorted you in the right house? A fake note seems more like something out of Salazar's book."
James scoffed. "Well at least you admit it."
"What's your big plan anyway? You defeat me in a duel and Lily runs into your arms?" He was starting to feel annoyed. Why did he have to be so unreasonable?
"Just draw your wand, Peltier!"
"Why?"
James was sweating. He didn't seem very much in control. "So what, you're a coward now?"
"And I take it luring someone into a duel is brave then?"
"Shut up! This is happening whether you like it or not."
Harry started to see red. He didn't want to but this was beyond frustrating. There was no reason in James Potter's voice.
"Stupefy!"
Harry dodged effortlessly. If this was the best James Potter had, he was in way over his head.
"James?" A voice from behind him asked.
It was Remus. The shy boy had followed his friend. "What are you doing?"
Harry chanced a glance, Remus' look was one of shock and imploring.
"You stay out of this Remus. This is long overdue."
"Fine." Harry said, and he drew his wand.
James gave an uneasy smile. He would get what he wanted.
Harry parried the spells almost unconsciously. There was no willpower behind James' spellwork. The more he assaulted, the more his movements became erratic, easy to read. This is pointless.
"Crucio!"
It was like a bucket of ice water had been dropped over his head. The curse was repelled like the others, fizzling against a wall. He couldn't believe his eyes and was caught frozen.
"Expelliarmus!"
Harry didn't dodge, his mind blank with rage. The wand landed at James' feet and he let out a smile. But Harry was past all pretense of a duel. His feet carried him with urgency to the other side of the room. He didn't hear as James threw stunning spells at him, a wave of his hand and they were warded off like mosquitoes by a swatter. The next thing he felt was the breaking of cartilage against his fist. James lay on the ground in pain, bleeding, and Harry's mind cleared for a second.
His breath was shallow. "Do you have any idea what you just did?"
He grabbed him up by the robes. Harry was shouting. "If this got out, you would never practice magic again! Or worse! Who do you think you are?!"
The broken wizard thumped on the ground. "Me?" He said with tears in his eyes. "Who are YOU? Everything was fine before you came along. She loved me. Not you, me!"
James Potter was broken in so many ways, and Harry's mind found its breaking point as well. He grabbed his wand and ran as fast as he could, as far as he could.
-sSsSsSsSs-
Murky water lapped on the shores of the Black Lake. The sun was setting over the castle and left an eerie glow over the grounds at this time of evening. Calls of amphibians and other creatures chimed louder in anticipation of the silent night. The peace before him was in contrast with Harry's feelings. He had been caught in an ancient ocean of isolation, a place he knew very well, a place where he spent 11 years. And unlike those early days, he couldn't find a way to dream himself out.
Tears streamed down his face, so much he didn't bother drying them. He tried to steel his heart for the journey ahead, which he would take alone. No more would he be the foreign object that brought discord to the past. Ever since Voldemort had burned his skin with the cursed mark, it had all been his burden. He could do it again. Alone. He found himself longing for the friends of his former life, never since his voyage did their absence seem so poignant.
He clutched the wand in his hand, Malfoy's wand. Had he always been a usurper? He thought of Hermione, how the impression of their intimacy had driven a friend away from him. Maybe he was the problem after all. A freak, like Vernon would say. Perhaps this was for the best.
As he made his resolve, he could hear the grass behind him crunch. He looked back.
Lily. This would be his opportunity. No more lies.
She sat beside him, and lifted a hand in comfort. He turned away.
"Lily, there's something you should know."