(CASTIEL'S POINT OF VIEW)
High school was a living nightmare, and getting up in the morning was much worse since I was continually reminded that I couldn't be abnormal the instant I saw my parents' faces.
Nevertheless, I only had a month before I went to college; I'd already had everything set up but time was creepingly reticent, and every day became a never-ending nightmare.
"Hey, Castiel."
I sighed and bit my lower lip. I wish I could be alone so I could hear my fucking thoughts, but there was always someone calling my name from one direction or the other. I raised my head from the school cafeteria desk—it was lunchtime, and the whole place was packed, especially the popular table where I was seated—and was confronted with a set of brown eyes looking down at me and a seductive grin in a uniform. I put on an unauthentic smile. "Hey, Mary."
"It's Maya." She quickly rectified with a faltering grin, and I couldn't care less about her name. "But I don't mind cause you're hot." She put her hands on my desk, bent down, and forced her face closer, huffing her perfume, which I discovered I didn't enjoy the scent of. "I'm throwing a party at my house; you're invited."
I opened my lips to decline, but then I noticed there were many eyes on me. It would seem ridiculous to deny such an invitation as the captain of the basketball team, but I disliked noisy places.
It was exhausting, but I grinned and breathed with difficulty as I leaned towards her face. "You smell nice; it would be pitiful to decline such an invitation."
I stretched out and twirled a strand of her hair around my finger. "We'll be there."
She grinned as if she'd just won a fucking prize; her cheeks flushed as she straightened her stance and cleared her throat. "I will be expecting you then; see you on Friday." She waved and walked away, strutting her hips from side to side.
"Ohhh!" The little throng gathered around the table burst out laughing as they reached out to high-five me.
"Castiel is getting laid!"
I smirked, letting my gray eyes twinkle with mischief. I took one of their fries and stuffed it into my lips. "Definitely," I answered, prompting another wave of applause from the table. If they only knew how horrendous that single word tasted in my mouth.
"Hey, look, it's that creep with silver eyes."
I didn't need to turn to see who they were talking about, but I did as I spun my head like everyone else around the table and watched as Warren strolled into the cafeteria wearing his typical black sweater with the hoodie over his head and a black bag pack on his left shoulder. We observed as he walked up to an empty table with a tray of food from the counter and sat down, oblivious to the intense looks he received from every part of the room. As I watched him bury his face behind his hoodie, an inexplicable knot formed in my throat.
"Let's teach him a lesson." One of the guys offered a suggestion, which was welcomed with acceptance by everyone and it made my stomach churn.
Let's not... I wanted to say anything, but the words died in my throat, cowardly, and I couldn't do anything as they rose and approached his table. It would be strange if I remained behind, so I got up and followed them.
"Hey creep!" The voice was loud and drew the attention of everyone in the cafeteria who was eager for a show.
Warren did not acknowledge being called and simply gazed at his tray.
A palm was slammed on his desk.. "I believe you're not deaf, dorkface!"
Again, the comments were flatly disregarded, and I hoped it would stay that way, but I realized it was a lost cause because soon, Warren's glass of juice was dumped on his head, eliciting gasps and shouts from the audience. It was like they were watching a freak show.
Warren still didn't react, and I bit my bottom lip because I knew more was on the way. It didn't take long before the tray of food was strewn across Warren's body, his collar was grasped to bring up his head, and a set of silver eyes struck back.
"Acting tough, huh? Let's see how long you can last without saying a word." A sinister chuckle emerged as a fist was raised, but I caught it before it collided with Warren's jaw.
"That's enough!" I pushed them away, sheltering Warren from their gaze.
"Are you now siding with that jerk? Are you a creep too?" That turned around too rapidly.
My fists tightened and my eyes narrowed. "If you don't want to be kicked off the fucking team, I suggest you back down now. You had fun, and that's all there is to it!"
They snarled, turned, and returned to our table. I sighed and reeled, and my gray eyes connected with Warren's, and the lump in my throat grew so excruciating that I felt like clawing at it.
Those silver eyes held nothing for me to read. I almost opened my mouth to apologize but bit my tongue, knowing everyone was watching. I turned and walked away.
I didn't return to the table because I stormed out of the cafeteria, humiliation, and guilt coursing through my veins and clutching every nerve in my body.
I walked immediately to the music room, which was always unoccupied due to its little use. I sat down at a desk and reached into my pockets for a pack of cigarettes, slapped a stick into my mouth, and lit it up, letting the foul odor fill the room.
"Not only are you gay, but you also smoke. You will die a billion times if your parents find out."
The exaggeration was entirely appropriate. "Hey, Sage." I addressed the guy in uniform who appeared out of nowhere. He was also enigmatic, finding him in places that were always too unorthodox, and strangely enough, he was my best friend. He was the only one who knew and understood my secret because, well, he was likewise as straight as a circle.
Sage was also on the basketball team, although he seldom spoke with anybody on the team until necessary—at least he didn't have to pretend he liked them. He wasn't as dubious as I was in masquerading his secret. I took a long drag on my cigarette and exhaled through my nostrils. My chest burned.
Sage sat next to me at the desk, lighting a cigarette for himself. "Did your little friends bash Warren again and you couldn't do anything to help or have the whole world know you like getting it in the ass?" He laughed quietly and inhaled the smoke from his cigarette. "It must have been fun to watch."
I finally let out the sigh I'd been keeping in since this horrible day began. "I'm not sure why he puts up with me. I let my so-called buddies ruin his life, and yet..." I faltered, unable to find the appropriate word. I raked my fingers through my hair, desperately wanting to take them out. "I hate myself more and more every day."
"Perhaps you should come out."
"That's a death wish."
Sage shook his head. "Love is sometimes worth fighting for if the other person is willing to do the same. If I had someone I loved, I wouldn't hide it." His voice had an optimistic tone to it.
"Not everyone is as intrepid as you, Sage; I'm a ludicrous wuss. I just want to leave this damn place."
And go far away—a place where no one would find us but when people like my parents existed, a place like that didn't exist.
***
When school hours were over, everyone started leaving the building, but I lingered in the corridor until I saw him. I looked around and noticed that the few kids weren't paying attention, so I dashed toward him, grabbed his wrist, and led him to the restroom, which was thankfully vacant.
I tugged the hoodie off his head once we were alone, but he didn't meet my eyes.
"Plea-se," my voice wavered and he understood my plea as our eyes finally locked. "I'm sorry."
It was always the same damn apology and I was sick of repeating it again and again.
"It's fine."
And what I loathed even more than those damned repetitive apologies were his damned responses, which were always the same because it wasn't fucking alright. "It's not fine."
"I know but you can't do anything about it, can you?"
Those words hit me harder than they should have, and once they did, my tongue became sour and bitter as I realized once more that there was nothing I could do, or I was just terrified because I knew there was something I could do but I would never do it.
Fuck! I despised myself more and more each second.