Kai followed Hana back to her desk like an extremely well-dressed plague, trailing behind her with the smug satisfaction of a man who had just gotten away with something truly heinous.
Hana, still seething, dropped into her chair and turned her most withering glare on him.
"You," she said, voice low and accusatory, "are a menace to society."
Kai grinned, completely unrepentant. "Why, thank you."
"You tricked me."
"Strong word, Sukehiro. I prefer strategically maneuvered."
Hana huffed, rubbing her temples. "You speak fluent French. You could've handled that entire call by yourself."
"Yes," he said pleasantly. "But where's the fun in that?"
Hana stared at him, waiting for an actual explanation.
Kai exhaled, tilting his head slightly, assessing. "I was testing you."
"Oh, fantastic," Hana deadpanned. "I love spontaneous exams."
Kai ignored her sarcasm. "I wanted to see if you'd burn us down if given the chance."
"…Excuse me?"
"You had a golden opportunity," Kai said, eyes glinting with amusement. "You could've told that client anything. You could've badmouthed us, misrepresented our position, made some ridiculous promise we couldn't keep, and Hasegawa and I would've been none the wiser."
Hana rolled her eyes. "Right, because that's how I want to spend my Friday—committing corporate sabotage before lunch."
Kai leaned against her desk, smirking. "You passed, by the way."
Hana narrowed her eyes at him, unimpressed. "Wow. Six months in and you still don't trust me. I'm hurt, Sato-san."
Kai chuckled. "Nothing personal. I don't trust anyone."
"Lovely," Hana muttered, flipping open her notebook, already done with this conversation.
Then—
"Do you want to sleep with me, Sukehiro?"
-----
Katsuki heard it before he saw them.
A single, utterly deranged sentence that made his entire brain short-circuit for a solid three seconds.
He had been walking past reception, heading back to his office, when the words hit him like a brick to the skull.
His steps slowed. Subtly. Just enough to catch the response.
From his peripheral, he saw Hana barely glance up from her desk.
"No," she said, utterly unbothered.
Katsuki bit back a smirk and kept walking.
Good.
Then—
"Why?" Kai pressed.
Katsuki almost turned back around.
What the hell was this conversation?
Hana sighed, exasperated. "Too many to mention."
"Come on, humor me," Kai said, sounding far too entertained.
Katsuki reached for the door to his office but—fuck it, he needed to hear this.
So he adjusted his grip on his folder and lingered just outside the entrance, pretending to skim through documents.
Hana, sighing dramatically, started listing.
"First of all," she said, tapping her pen against her desk, "you're too pretty."
Kai grinned "…That's an issue?"
"Yes," Hana said firmly. "I don't do pretty. Pretty men are too much work."
Katsuki tilted his head slightly, intrigued.
"Second," she continued, "your hair is too nice."
Kai actually laughed. "What?"
"It looks expensive. Like you use a whole separate shampoo system normal people can't afford."
Kai grinned. "I do."
"Exactly. See? Too much effort."
Katsuki resisted the urge to snort.
"Third," Hana went on, still entirely serious, "you're a schemer. I like my life uncomplicated."
"That's debatable," Kai muttered.
Hana ignored him. "Fourth, I don't trust men with perfect posture. It's unnatural."
Kai tilted his head. "You think good posture is a red flag?"
"Yes," she said without hesitation.
There was a beat of silence before Kai sighed, shaking his head. "Unbelievable. And here I thought we had something special, Sukehiro."
"Tragic," Hana said, completely unmoved.
Kai grinned, but then—because he was a fucking menace—he casually asked,
"What about Hasegawa?"
Katsuki had been on his way into his office.
Had.
Past tense.
Because the second he heard his name come out of Kai's mouth, he found himself stopping again, still half-turned toward his office door.
A second passed.
Then—
"God, no," Hana said, sounding almost offended. "I have standards."
Katsuki's grip on his folder tightened.
Kai—the absolute bastard—laughed.
Katsuki's jaw locked, irritation spiking for absolutely no logical reason.
What the hell did she mean standards?
And why did she say it like that?
Like he was some bottom-tier option.
Like he wasn't the best at everything he did.
Like—what the fuck.
Kai, who was clearly thriving in this chaos, hummed thoughtfully. "You wound me, Sukehiro. But I'm deeply curious—why is Hasegawa also a no?"
Katsuki shouldn't care.
He shouldn't.
And yet—
For some fucking reason, he did.
Hana sighed, stretching her arms above her head, completely oblivious to the fact that he was still standing right fucking there.
"Same problem as you," she said easily. "Too pretty."
Kai grinned. "Hasegawa's pretty?"
Hana shrugged. "He has that whole expensive, scary, high-maintenance businessman aesthetic."
Katsuki glared at the air in front of him.
"Also," Hana continued, "he's exhausting."
Kai snorted. "Fair."
"And," she added, "he's the kind of guy who probably treats relationships like a hostile takeover."
Katsuki clicked his pen so hard the clip almost snapped off.
Kai was laughing now, absolutely delighted.
"You're not wrong," Kai admitted. "But I have to ask—if he weren't your boss?"
Katsuki did not know why he was still standing here.
But he was.
Waiting.
Hana tilted her head, considering. Then—
"Nah," she said. "Still too much effort. If I had to deal with Hasegawa at work and at home, I'd die. That's too much man for one person."
Kai smirked. "So he's too much for you?"
"Literally anyone with a functioning nervous system would agree."
Katsuki's eye twitched.
He had heard enough.
With zero expression, he finally turned, entering his office without another word.
Kai, because he had the survival instincts of a raccoon in traffic, called after him—
"You doing alright, Hasegawa?"
Katsuki slammed his door shut.