Looking into a black void, Alex can feel something, like a hand grasping his shoulder and pulling him back. At first, he expects to wake up in a hospital or something, but after a few minutes of being pulled, he suddenly stops, being thrown onto a... couch?
"What the fuck?"
He looks up, the background around him having now changed into an array of galaxies, glittering around him. The only other things around him are the couch he is on, a large wheel of fortune across from him, and a hovering mug. He is about to stand up when the mug starts to move, lifting up and turning over, its contents being absorbed into the background.
"Wha..."
Before Alex can think any further, the background suddenly shifts, a humanoid shape breaking free from it and taking a step toward him, speaking in an unrecognizable voice.
"So, Alexander James Louis Kirkland, I have bad news for you. You're dead."
Alex feels a shiver go down his back, looking at the entity with a mix of fear, anger, and curiosity.
"How do you know my full name? And what do you mean I am dead?"
The entity sets its mug down in the sky, taking another step toward him.
"Ah, don't talk shit; you have already accepted your death. Now, do you want me to introduce myself, or will you just continue to work on your correct assumptions about my identity?"
With a sigh, Alex nods and stretches his nonexistent body.
"Fine, fine. How exactly can I help you, Mr. Random Omnipotent Being?"
The entity chuckles, somehow being both intelligible and unintelligible at the same time.
"Not really my name, but it works, I guess. Now, all your assumptions are correct; you will be put into another world with some gifts. But before that, do you want to hear what your death brought to your family?"
Alex looks at the entity with raised eyebrows.
"If you are allowed to tell me, sure, go ahead. Did my death at least help Eli and Alice?"
The entity nods its apparent head.
"Yeah, your sacrifice did indeed rescue your loved ones and preserve your family. Unknown to you, both your girls were pregnant. Elizabeth von Graften was in her second month with triplets, and Alice Johnson was in her fourth month with twins."
Staring at the humanoid before him, Alex lets out a soft whisper.
"You're telling me I am the father of five children?"
The entity smiles with its nonexistent facial features, nodding again.
"Yep. Your girls did have some problems obtaining your inheritance because of your brother, but they were helped by Elizabeth's family. After your death, they accepted her and Alice's relationship and allowed the two to stay at one of their mansions. Your two daughters then lived there with your children until they both eventually died in their sleep."
A breath of relief escapes Alex's incorporeal body before he nods and looks back at the entity. "As long as they were happy. Now, what about me? How does this reincarnation/transmigration thing work?"
With a snap, the mug and couch disappear, leaving only the Wheel of Fortune in the space. "Ah, right. Okay, you get three spins for bonus traits, and then you get another spin for the world you arrive in. Any questions?"
Alex looks at the anthropomorphic globe in front of him. "Nah, not really."
The humanoid galaxy claps and points at the contraption next to them. "Well, spin the wheel then!"
With a sigh, he obeys the self-appointed god, grabbing the lever and pulling it down. The wheel starts to rotate, quickly reaching speeds impossible to achieve by any logical means, only to suddenly stop. The arrow at the top of the Wheel of Fortune points directly at the words 'Valyrian Dragonlord.'
The mass of light nods and strokes the beard that just appeared under his chin from nowhere. "Oh, lucky you. You gain above-average physical attractiveness and intellect compared to normal humans, naturally silvery-white hair, naturally violet eyes, a basic talent for Hemomancy and uncontrolled Oneiromancy, advanced talents for Biomancy, Magical Rituals, and Alchemy, immunity to the negative effects of inbreeding, and a naturally high resistance to poison, illness, heat, and fire. On the negative side, you become more likely to develop paranoia, pyromania, nymphomania, schizophrenia, narcissism, or hematolagnia."
Alex nods and responds to the once again beardless being. "I mean, being attractive and smart can never really hurt, nor can the resistances, but I don't think I would trade that in for becoming insane. And how will the magical stuff work if the world I land in has no magic?"
The Incarnation of the Universe shrugs. "You're only more likely to develop mental conditions, not outright guaranteed to. Just hope your world has competent therapists. And if the world you land in has no magic, that's your problem. But I will also give you a free language pack for High Valyrian and a basic explanation of how to make and forge Valyrian Steel."
With a small twitch of his eyebrow, Alex pulls the lever again, and the wheel spins once more at unrealistic speeds, only to come to an instant stop after a few seconds. The arrow now points at the word 'APEX', which is uniquely written in bright red.
Looking up at the dark matter donkey, Alex questions, "Apex?"
The bubble of energy grins and gives him a thumbs-up. "Well, it seems like you're extremely fucking lucky. APEX is one of the best abilities. As the name suggests, it makes you the apex of your species, or, more correctly, your species in a comic book. For a human, that would mean something akin to Batman or Captain America in the physical department, paired with the combined intellect of Rick Sanchez, Hannibal Lecter, and Sherlock Holmes. Then, add a natural talent for anything and everything, and you have what APEX means."
Alex takes in the entity's words and nods, internally celebrating. "Okay, sounds nice to have."
The Big Banger gives him a glare and clicks his tongue. "No, not okay; that is fucking great! Now, spin the wheel again. Just because I have infinite time does not mean I want to see you for an hour."
"You're kind of a dick, you know?" While speaking, Alex once again pulls the lever, watching the wheel spin once more. And, once again, after rotating for a few seconds, it loses all momentum and stops. The arrow points down on the wheel, directly at the words 'Elder Blood'.
The entity stares at the wheel, his empty face somehow expressing shock. "Did you somehow cheat on this? I know you didn't, but your luck is quite frankly insane. Fine, I guess your final trait is Elder Blood. Above-average physical attractiveness, again, heightened dexterity, reaction time, and perception; a naturally longer lifespan and an extremely high talent for all forms of magic, especially spatial and temporal magic. Plus, you get free Witcher training as a bonus, so a lot of free knowledge cramped into your head."
Alex lets out a slight chuckle at the entity's reaction, lifting his hands in mock surrender.
"Hey, don't accuse me of cheating; I am innocent."
Remembering the problem associated with Elder Blood, he drops his hands again.
"Do I get the Wild Hunt after me too? They should be able to track me, right? Also, considering I already have a lot of the bonuses, can you just make me a Witcher, just without the sterility?"
The entity shakes his head. "They would hunt you too, but APEX will fix the problem that allowed them to track Elder Blood usage, so no. Making you an official Witcher would enhance your physical abilities and senses a bit more, give you a more powerful healing factor, and reshape your pupils. So, yeah, I guess I can throw that in as a bonus. Anyway, spin the wheel again to see which world will have to deal with your ass from now on."
With a smirk, Alex turns to the wheel again, raising his eyebrow as he spots the now changed writing on it. He spins the wheel once more, watching it rotate at physics-defying speeds one final time until it loses all momentum and stops at the words 'TES Skyrim.' His mind works to understand the writing for a second before he lets out a laugh. "Fuck yes!"
The entity chuckles and waves towards the wheel, which disappears too. "Ah, don't be so happy; you're not allowed to access CHIM. You will be the last Dragonborn. You do have elven blood, so you will be a Breton, and I will name you a Shezzarine, so none of the Et'Ada will question your abilities. That will mean that you are forbidden from returning to the world after you leave it, though."
Alex nods, accepting the terms with a smile. "Fine, I can accept that, I guess."
The entity claps his hands together. "I wouldn't have cared if you didn't. Now, have fun, Alexander."
With these words, Alex's vision fades again, returning to the pure black void.