Crouching in the olive groves at the foot of Mount Olympus, I looked at the protein powder tub with the Jalapenos logo printed on it - swapped for Newton's sun-protected apple pie and system.
"Are you sure this will fix Hercules?" I poked at the hamster system above my head. "That guy can rip a lion!"
"History records that he was distressed by the weight he had gained after completing the twelve trials."
The holographic menu is displayed
"Quest: Help Hercules recover eight abs, unlock the" God of Fitness "achievement, failure causes the host to grow hippo butt"
A sudden cry came from the trees, and the leaves fell fast. We followed the sound to Hercules, who was reflecting at the edge of the stream
His once-upside-down triangle is now wrapped in a life preserver, and his lion-skin girth has three folds.
"It's impossible!
He threw his fist at the rock but got stuck in the crack and couldn't get it out
"I could strangle a Nemea lion..."
"Would you like some Olympus special toner?"
I shook the protein powder bucket. The system suddenly plays gym dynamic music, and the hamster jumps into combat exercise:
"Follow the rhythm, three sets a day!"
Hercules licked the protein powder suspiciously, his pupils turning gold:
"The power! Hotter than the furnace of Hephaestus!" He lifted three tons of rock with his bare hands and began squatting. The ground shook the squirrels away en masse.
Three days later, new miracles were being told all over Greece: Hercules had snapped a boar's tusk with his pectoral muscles, strangled a hydra with his biceps, and finally played the giant Antaeus as a kettlebell.
When he returned to Olympus with his re-carved eight-pack abs, the banqueting hall of the gods was fried.
"Mortal! Give up the secret medicine of God!"
Ares had his spear at my throat, his beer belly trembling under his armor.
I quickly pulled out the modified protein powder:
"Ares Special, triple caffeinated..."
Suddenly a flash of lightning broke the protein powder bucket, and Zeus came down in the clouds with his fat belly:
"Such a creature should be king of the gods!"
He poured half a bucket of powder directly into his mouth, and Thundercloud's belt was split by the swelling belly.
"Warning! Zeus body fat rate broke the critical point!"
System Hamsters explode into hedgehog balls, "Thunder power increased by 300%, but aim reduced to 5%"
All of Olympus is thrown into chaos: a bloated Zeus sneezes and triggers a thunderstorm, Hera chases Apollo for his slimming secret, and Athena uses her shield as a yoga mat.
The man in black suddenly appeared disguised as a fitness instructor:
"His Majesty Napoleon recommends fasting... Achoo!"
Hercules took the opportunity to drag me into the back kitchen:
"Give me ten more barrels! I will challenge the Titans on the night of the full moon!"
"But your tendons will dissolve..."
Before I could finish speaking, he broke Hephaestus's anvil and used it as a dumbbell:
"Now I can lift up the whole underworld!"
That night, Zeus mistook Artemis's moon for a doughnut attack, and lightning struck the Golden Apple Tree garden.
Hercules leapfrogs in the middle of a thunderstorm, lifting the entire Acropolis, his shadow casting on the clouds, gradually growing horns and dragon's tail.
"Host triggers mythological contamination!"
The system hamster spews fire-fighting foam, "Hercules is mythologically mutating!"
I took Hephaestus' tongs and struck the shield of Zeus, and the sound waves shook the thunder. In the stunned eyes of the gods, I threw out the last half of the bucket of protein powder:
"Want the recipe? In exchange for the Fountain of Youth!"
Aphrodite suddenly dipped Eros' arrow into protein powder:
"I want to make Cupid in perfect shape!"
When the little Love grew Schwarzenegger muscles and fired the first arrow, the entire Trojan War history was changed.
The man in Black steals the residue of the formula, and the Napoleon Eagle insignia appears on his robotic arm:
"History will remember today as the first year of the Bodybuilding Era!" Only to get caught in the fat ass as she climbed over the wall, jabbed with a spindle by Hera, who thought she was a peeping Tom.
In the chaos, Hercules' dumbbells tumble down into the earth, smashing into the Peloponnese's new coastline. The hamster system suddenly alerts:
"Medieval dumbbell worship detected! Host gets a Time Gym pass!"
When Zeus finally cut his waistcoat with thunder, Hercules was using Mount Olympus as a barbell.
I tried to escape with my fountain of youth, but was stopped by Athena's owl, which had a Florentine feral cat collar wrapped around its PAWS, inscribed with sunscreen formula.
"Host triggers cross-temporal spur!"
The system pops up a holographic map, "Next mission: Teach Achilles physical protection with sunscreen on the Trojan battlefield"
I finally looked at Hercules, who was raising a cloud, and on his dumbbell had been carved in small words:
"To a medieval Templar - your abs will light up Jerusalem!"
I grab the Fountain of Youth water bottle and jump into the time vortex, and the system hamster suddenly turns into an olive branch garland:
"Warning! Hercules' protein powder remains in timeline, Medieval bodybuilding Crusades will appear..."
I was hanging from the bottom of a Trojan horse when the sea breeze wrapped sand in my face.
The roar of the two armies below was deafening, and Achilles' bronze chariot raised a cloud of dust -- wait, his armor glowed eerie blue in the sun!
"The host is late!"
The hamster system pops up a holographic alert, "Achilles stole the Egyptian sunscreen formula and is now invulnerable but....
"But what?" As soon as I asked the exit, I saw Achilles slamming on the brakes. With his sunblock covered heels glued to his chariot, Greece's first warrior falls on his back like a flip phone.
"The system, you profiteer!"
I ran and yelled, "Is this sunscreen expired?"
"Side effects are on page 38!"
The hamster proudly pulls out the virtual contract, "Now please treat his feet with olive oil, or the Trojan War will end in laughter!"
In the melee, Odysseus shouted with a bronze trumpet:
"Trojans! We brought sun protection... No, the gift of peace!"
The horse behind him suddenly sneezed -- the Philosophy Cat was scratching its nose with its tail.
Trojan priests in the guise of men in black suddenly enter the city:
"This is a trick of the Greeks! The Trojan horse hides... Achoo!"
His allergy to cat hair triggers a sneeze, and the belly of the Trojan pops out boxes of sunscreen.
Helen poked her head out of the ramparts and the crocodile mud mask on her face suddenly cracked:
"The blue jar! I'll use it to preserve the cheek Paris kissed!"
When the eyes of the whole city focused, I activated the "Eye of Truth".
Tiny words appeared on the sunscreen box:
"Contains Hercules protein powder - face may grow pectoral muscles"
"Stop her!" I knocked Achilles off the wall. The system throws out the maglev board, and I glide across the field on a Greek AD that says "Troy Beauty Salon opening Big Time."
The moment Helen touched the jar with her fingertips, Cassandra, the prophet, screamed:
"The cream will bring more terrible disasters than war! Her beauty will humble the gods!"
It's too late. When Helen put on the sunscreen, her blonde hair turned dazzling blue and her eyes flashed the Milky Way stars. The Trojans turned en masse:
"Fight to protect the beauty of the goddess!"
Achilles' heels grew redder with anger:
"My glory!" He kicked over the horse, sending thousands of sunscreen cans tumbling into the Scamandros River.
The water glowed with a strange blue light, and the horses drank it and grew fluorescent bristles.
"Historical deviation is off the charts!"
The hamster system freezes and twitches, "Trojan horses are evolving into unicorns - Think fast!"
I felt the fountain of youth and poured it into the river, and it reacted with sunscreen.
The river is filled with rainbow bubbles, each reflecting a different time and space - medieval knights attacking cities with dumbbells, Cleopatra applying face masks to the pyramids, Napoleon blasting the Bastille with protein powder.
Suddenly Odysseus grabbed me:
"Stranger, that bottle you just used..." There was a sly gleam in his eyes. "Can you fill the whole river Styx?"
The philosophical cat jumped onto the wreckage of the horse and drew equations in the sky with his PAWS.
Cassandra's bubble of prophecy suddenly materialized, enveloping me and the Man in Black into a space-time rift.
In my last glimpse, I saw Hercules's dumbbells being copied by Trojan craftsmen, and Helen's blue hair was the new Aegean trend.
"Next mission:
Help Da Vinci design a sun resistant aircraft!" The system screams in space-time turbulence, "But first deal with the medieval dumbbell Jihad --"