The skies above the Abandoned Sect turned gold.
Not golden like the sun or divine light—golden like overcompensation.
A radiant sword-shaped flying vessel cleaved through the heavens. Trumpets blared. Petals rained. A hundred cultivators in matching white robes screamed:
"BEHOLD! YOUNG MASTER JIN WEN HAS ARRIVED!!"
Wei Yun, sipping his morning spiritual soup, squinted up.
"Why is that flying ship shaped like a flexing peacock?"
Crutchy replied, "Compensation."
Ning Yao chimed in, "Overwhelming narcissism."
Pan-Pan just threw a rock at it.
The sword-vessel landed with excessive glitter. A youth in pure white robes (with golden shoulder pads bigger than his ego) stepped off. His hair sparkled. His eyebrows did kung fu. His eyes radiated the light of judgmental elders.
"I am Jin Wen," he announced. "First Young Master of the Radiant Blade Sect. Peak of Core Ascension. Future Dao Saint. Romantic lead in three dramas. I've come… to inspect this backwater dump."
Everyone blinked.
Xu Liang: "So we're doing the arrogant thing early?"
Mu Yao: "Please. We're overdue."
---
Jin Wen sneered at the tower. "Is this a sect or a condemned amusement park?"
Wei Yun, smiling politely: "Yes."
Jin Wen pointed at the soup pot. "And that? You train with soup?"
Crutchy: "It's 73% broth, 20% sarcasm, and 7% spiritual mushrooms. You wanna try it or cry about it?"
Jin Wen drew his sword, which literally sparkled. "I challenge you to a duel! I cannot allow a sect of peasants, soup-chefs, and fashion criminals to exist under the same heavens!"
Mu Yao: "Soup chefs? YOU DARE!"
She summoned the Wok of Flaming Judgment.
---
> [System Mission: Humiliate the Young Master Without Killing Him (Yet)]
[Bonus Objective: Use soup.]
The battlefield was set. Jin Wen floated in midair, surrounded by blinding golden qi. His sword hummed with the power of overhyped destiny.
Wei Yun cracked his neck. "Disciples. We're trying something new: Tag Team Arrogant Slapping. Let's go."
1. Mu Yao hurled flaming broth straight at Jin Wen. He cut it in half—only to find noodles clinging to his face. "Ugh! You dare use carbohydrates against me?!"
2. Pan-Pan whistled once. A hundred bamboo skewers shot up and turned his sword into a kabob. Jin Wen screamed, "You pierced my divine blade?!"
Pan-Pan: "Nice shish kebab, bro."
3. Xu Liang tripped and fell. Somehow triggered a spiritual mine under Jin Wen. Explosion. Drama. Jin Wen's left eyebrow caught fire.
4. Crutchy kicked his shin with a mop.
Finally, Wei Yun stepped in.
He summoned his signature move:
"Dao of Unstoppable Shamelessness: Verbal Critique of the Cultivation Elite."
"Your aura is flashy, but your heart is shallow. Your swordsmanship is decent, but your ego is tragic. Your eyebrows try too hard. And your aura smells like scented laundry qi."
> [CRITICAL HIT TO PRIDE!] [Jin Wen's Arrogance has dropped by 80%. Ego Collapse Incoming!]
Jin Wen screamed, "I… I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE PROTAGONIST!"
---
> [System Update: You Have Defeated a Young Master!]
[Rewards: 200 Sect Reputation (Infamy), 1 Golden Arrogance Core, and 3 Cultivation Bureau Lawsuits.]
Jin Wen lay in a pile of noodles, spiritual broth, bamboo, and shame.
Wei Yun stood over him. "Next time, bring better insults and maybe a soul. Until then—get lost."
Jin Wen's attendants scooped him up and fled in a glittery trail of defeat.
---
Just as the sect began celebrating with spiritual dumplings, the tower's warning sigil flashed.
Ning Yao blinked all thirteen of her eyes. "There's… something buried under the sect."
Pan-Pan: "Buried treasure?"
Mu Yao: "Buried danger?"
Crutchy: "Buried debt?"
Wei Yun smiled. "Let's find out."
They descended into the hidden chamber under the tower. What they found was… a sealed coffin. Glowing. Buzzing. Trembling with strange qi.
And carved into the top was a message:
> "DO NOT OPEN UNTIL ARC 2. LOVE, PLOT."
Naturally, they opened it anyway.
And inside…
Was a cultivator.
Floating. Glowing. Bound in chains of divine law.
His eyes opened. He looked around. Then calmly said:
"…Did I miss lunch?"
---
End of Chapter 5.