Ezekiel arranged for me to meet Zane's family three days later. I was supposed to go the very next day but I could not summon the courage. I don't know what his family would think of me. To an extent, I am the reason their Zane is dead. I was hit with a huge wave of survivor's guilt. Why did he die and I did not? At least we were in the same car together.
Ezekiel said it was not my fault and I should not beat myself up for Levi's actions, which still do not make any sense to me. He helped me muster the courage to face Zane's family.
He arranged the car. He did not use his regular car and the one he arranged for me was not registered in his name. The windows were also tinted so as to maintain privacy. He insisted on coming with me and even offered to come in the house with me for emotional support but I told him I need to do this on my own and here I am sitting across from his mother who has her head covered with an hijab, his brother and a little boy in a one story apartment.
The house looks homey and there is barely a space in the wall not covered with pictures. Ranging from pictures of his mother, Zane, his brother and a man I assume is their father to pictures of them individually at different ages and events to pictures of Zane and the little boy and a beautiful hijabi that I assume is his wife.
His mum has not stopped crying and his brother has not stopped glaring at me. I guess I deserve it. The boy who can't be more than three years just plays with his toy car albeit silently; as if he understands the somber mood.
"I am so sorry for your loss Mrs Abdul. I wish I could go back in time, trust me. I wish I could take it all back."
She sobbed quietly and I felt the pain in that single sob stab me in my chest.
"His name was Uzain. He was bullied in school when he was younger and decided to start going by Zane. Because it sounded "cool". Cooler than Uzain." She laughed a little amidst the tears.
"He was really happy when he started working in your house, you know. He had just gotten married to Zainab and the pay was good. He didn't even want to marry her yet. He said because he did not have the resources to take care of her." She pauses.
"Zainab gave him an ultimatum." She continues. "She said to either marry her or she'll leave. She loved him and was ready to support their marriage if need be. He got married to her and immediately got the job. He was so happy. He believed Zainab brought him good luck. Looking back at it, maybe it is bad luck. Because see where the job landed him."
My eyes welled and my lips quivered.
"Zainab died when she gave birth to Malik. Uzain was so broken. He wanted to quit. He started bringing up excuses. It was then he told us that his boss was not kind and he only kept it from us because he wanted to care for Zainab and didn't want us to worry. Then, you came. And he decided to stay. Not only for Malik but because work also got better."
"And now my Uzain is…" she paused and broke down all over again probably because she realized all over again that Zane is no longer here. Tears rolled down my eyes as I could not hold them in anymore.
"I don't know what to do. Maybe to thank you for making his final years bearable or hate you for being the reason he is no longer with us. With his son." She looks at Malik and pain flashes through her face.
"What are you even doing here? My brother already sacrificed his life for you, do you have to rub it in our faces?" My mouth opens and closes on its own trying to find a way to tell them that it is not my intention to rub it in their faces but I can't find my voice. "This is his son. Who you've now successfully made an orphan. Thank you." He claps his hands together in front of him. Another painful sob wracks through Mrs Uzain and even I can't stop my tears now.
"Please leave. You are upsetting her." Zane's brother said. His eyes were red and filled with unshed tears. He probably wants to stay strong for his mother and not cry in front of her.
I nod my head and pick up my bag. I turn to the door and take shaky steps towards it.
"Miss…" I almost did not hear her. Her voice is low and croaked from crying. I turn around and she has her hand clasped in front of her like she is saying a prayer "thank you for coming." I just nod and mouth "thank you" back to her knowing I can't trust my voice if I decide to use it.
I leave the house and walk to where the car is parked. It is like Ezekiel saw me because he steps out of the back and goes to the other side to open the door for me. He helps me in before getting back into the car.
He does not say anything to me. He just looks at me.
"Do you know he has a son?" I ask him with tears in my eyes. "He left a son behind. He does not deserve this. He was always so careful and did routine checks on the car." I break down completely in tears and feel a hand wrap around me. Ezekiel holds me and lets me cry.
I pull myself together and clean my tears messily.
"If Levi is really behind this, he needs to pay."
Ezekiel sits up not even sparing a glance at the mess I made on his suit.
"What do we need to do?
"We need to wait for him to make a move."
"Why?" I ask.
"Because any move we make gives us away. Especially you. We can use Levi's actions against him, we just need to wait for him to do something. Patience needs to be our strength."
That makes sense.