Mikoto looked at the moon from the hospital bed, still using the Mystical Palm Jutsu. The cool breeze through the window was making her long black hair swing playfully.
She lifted her hand that was tousling Hotaru's hair and pulled her loose strands of hair behind her ear.
Mikoto then turned toward Hotaru. His chest was rising and falling with a steady rhythm. The slight frown on his forehead marred his otherwise calm expression. He looked as if he were asleep.
Mikoto took a deep breath, stopped the jutsu, and slowly moved her hand away from his eyelids.
After realizing that Hotaru hadn't woken up—despite her having stopped the jutsu before he told her to—Mikoto exhaled in relief. Then she smiled mischievously as she imagined how funny it would be if he woke up and was angry with her again. At that moment, she looked stunning with that smile, and it was a pity no one was here to witness it.
***
Hotaru was thinking deeply about the quest at hand, about not just how to get out of the hospital soon but also what to do after that. But again, he needed information on the current state of things to make any meaningful plan.
He had turned the system off and had his eyes closed, frowning slightly, so he didn't notice Mikoto stopping the jutsu.
***
Mikoto was staring at Hotaru's face lost in thought.
The slight frown on his calm face reminded her so much of 'him'. Just like the face 'he' would make when he was faced with a difficult problem. Except for his hair color, he looked like a mirror image of 'him'. And his eyes... they held a familiar clarity.
Her expression turned sad once she thought of 'him'. Him. Minato.
Looking at Hotaru somehow reminded her of the past—something she had always been careful not to think about. Yet, in this moment, she couldn't help it. It was hard to forget the warmth of those memories, memories of him.
She had always chased after him telling him that they would get married once they grew up. Even during their days in the ninja academy.
As she grew up, she understood more about the situation of her clan in the village.
A little more time and she knew what was expected of her from the clan. The clan arranged an engagement between her and Fugaku. And to be fair, Fugaku had little choice in that matter as well.
"Minato…" Mikoto murmured in a trembling voice. And her eyes began to mist.
She wanted to confess to Minato. She had always felt that Minato liked her as well, but he never said anything. His bright blue eyes often held a warmth when he looked at her.
So, this time she would make things clear between them. The moment Minato returns to Konoha during one of his short breaks from war, she would do it.
She didn't want to live her life in regret. Thinking of what-ifs and what could have beens.
Her maiden-heart even thought so far that since Jiraiya-sama, the legendary Sannin, taught Minato and—as everyone knew—liked him a lot, things would not be too difficult for them. Maybe even her clan would not be too angry with her since one of them will have a direct connection to the legendary toad-sage.
But fate was once again not kind to her.
She let out a long sigh. Tears started forming in the corners of her eyes.
"Minato…" she whispered, desperately trying to keep her sorrow at bay.
Not even a week had passed since she had steeled her resolve when news arrived—news about Minato's feats in the war. He had accumulated the largest achievements in Konoha's battles against Kumo and Iwa. In fact, he had single-handedly turned the tide of war. His contributions shifted the balance in Konoha's favor.
Therefore, it did not surprise anyone when Minato's name was being considered for the next Hokage.
And this was the nail in the coffin for all her hopes. She knew how much Minato dreamed of being the Hokage ever since they were kids. And of course, she knew what would happen if he married an Uchiha.
Forget becoming the Hokage, he would be closely monitored thereafter. Such a strong person marrying an Uchiha was already pushing it. But he was also a user—the only one at that—of the Flying Thundergod jutsu. She would not be surprised if some of the top brass in the village would want to kill him. He would become too much of a risk for the village.
"Minato…" she choked. Her chest tightened, and she clenched her fists, striving to maintain her composure in Hotaru's presence.
Knowing the implications of her feelings, she couldn't bring herself to confess to Minato. The thought of being the reason his dreams remained unfulfilled weighed heavily on her heart.
She refused to risk his future for the sake of her own happiness. In the end, she chose to sacrifice her joy for his well-being.
As time went on, their lives went in different directions, and she and Minato ended up marrying other people. She had to fulfill her obligations to her clan, so she married Fugaku, while Minato ended up with her best friend, Kushina.
But it was all for naught, as Minato died one year after he became the Hokage in the Nine-Tailed Demon Fox Incident.
"Minato…" escaped her lips as she fought to hold back the tears threatening to spill. But despite her efforts, a few still leaked out, falling softly onto Hotaru's face.
***
Hotaru, who was immersed in his thoughts, was pulled back into reality. He felt something wet on his face and wondered what was going on.
He also noticed that the Mystical Palm Jutsu had stopped and wondered why that was the case. Did Mikoto think he had fallen asleep? Well, he didn't need to access the system for the moment anyway, so it was fine.
It was then.
Hmpf. Huh-huh.
He heard a few muffled sobs and was taken aback. Was someone crying?
And the sobs were coming from very close. He was about to open his eyes and check out the situation, but then he heard something that made him halt.
"Minato… Why…" cried a voice.
And then she sobbed again.
Hotaru soon realized that it was Mikoto's voice. But why would she cry? And why would she take Minato's name while crying?
Hotaru didn't want to wake up and make it awkward for Mikoto, who seemed to be under the impression that he was asleep.
"Minato… If only… I" she choked.
And then more sobs followed.
Moreover, he had a feeling that he would be hearing something very personal to Mikoto if this situation continued—things he was not meant to hear.
Hotaru wanted to actually fall asleep now and not hear anything further. Mikoto had been very nice to him, and he could tell that she cared about him very much by the way she treated and looked at him. Although he didn't know the reason for this, he didn't want to hear things she would rather keep private.
"If only I… that day…" she cried out. The sobs were getting louder now.
But it wasn't as if he could fall asleep on command. He was trying. He really was. But no matter how much he tried, he couldn't fall asleep.
Stuck between a shuriken and a kunai, he had no choice but to suffer in silence. He decided to do the best thing he could in this situation: pretend to be asleep to avoid making things awkward for Mikoto, and he would also never speak to anyone about whatever he was about to hear now.
And so, he continued lying in that position without making any unnecessary movements.
***
"If only that day"—sob—"I confessed my feelings to you"—sob—"I wonder if things would have been different." Mikoto sobbed.
By now she forgot all about where she was and who was around her.
"I didn't want to be a hindrance to your dream of becoming the Hokage, but it didn't matter in the end," she said in a low voice. "You died within just one year after becoming one."
Mikoto gently lowered Hotaru's head onto the bed, careful not to wake him.
"In the end, I never found out if you had feelings for me," she cried. "I was so obviously in love with you. And I am sure you liked me as well, but you never said anything."
Mikoto remembered how she would often steal glances at him, only to catch him looking back. They would share a smile before both looking away.
She recalled all the times she had helped him with Fire Jutsus, his weak point. "Thank you, Mikoto-samaaa~…" he would say, playfully bowing while holding her hands, his unusual blue eyes filled with amusement. He wouldn't let go of them for quite some time, leaving her little heart fluttering.
Her expression softened for a moment, but then quickly returned to one of grief.
'Why couldn't he see how I felt? Or he did, but chose to play dumb?' she thought, biting her lip to stifle a sob, as she wrapped her arms around herself.
For a few moments, the only sound in the room was her continuous sobs.
Mikoto stood up from the bed quietly, her movements slow and heavy.
"Sometimes I wonder, Minato," she began. "Sometimes I wonder whether you were not as dumb as you pretended to be. That you knew that being with me meant not being able to become the Hokage…"
Overwhelmed by grief, she sank down until her knees met the floor, her elbows resting heavily on the bed.
"And what's more, you suddenly grew close to Kushina once your name was being considered for Hokage," she continued. "I remember how surprised and happy Kushina was when you finally asked her out after keeping her at bay for many years. Was it because you thought it would be better for the village to keep the Nine-Tails jinchūriki happy?"
Mikoto remembered the moment Kushina approached her, nearly bouncing with excitement as she shared the news of being asked out by Minato. It felt like a kunai had been plunged into her heart and then—
She felt betrayed by Minato. She felt Kushina deserved a friend who could be happy for her. Yet, despite her own feelings, she had to put on a smile for her friend and congratulate her.
—she twisted the kunai deeper into her own heart, deepening the wound. While it would have been easier to break down in tears, she forced herself to smile and congratulate her friend, even as her heart shattered. She could never forget that day.
Mikoto lifted her hands to wipe her eyes before placing one hand over the other on the bed. Her eyes were puffy from crying, and her face was red and streaked with tears.
"Was I nothing more than a stupid girl who was chasing after you?"—she remembered all the times when Minato poked her forehead and she would turn the same color as Kushina's hair—"Was it amusing for you seeing me act like a fool for all those years?" she cried, her voice loud and trembling.
She then rested her forehead on her hands, which were folded on top of the bed. She continued crying, her body shuddering with each sob.
"I hate… you… Minato…"
"I hate… you…"
While she said she hated Minato, her tone was anything but hateful.
"I hate… m—myself…"
"I hate myself f—for… th—thinking about you this way."
Now, her tone finally matched her words—laced with self-hatred.
.
She didn't say anything for a while.
Minutes stretched. Hotaru's fingers twitched under the blanket, cramped from stillness, but he dared not move more, not while Mikoto spoke such heart-wrenching words.
.
Her body continued to shudder, each shudder accompanied by quiet sniffles. She looked pitiful, like a small rabbit lost in a snowstorm.
'What a joke my life has become,' Mikoto thought, the grief overwhelming her. Not only she is now living in regret, but she can't even talk about them to anyone. Even worse, she has to put on a mask of normalcy every day—while her heart was burning with regrets. Today, the mask she wore so habitually cracked, revealing the raw grief beneath, and she herself couldn't understand why.
It took her sometime to gather herself before she could speak again.
"I am sorry…"
"And I love you… M—Minato… I always did… I always will…"
Finally, her voice grew so soft that it was difficult to hear her words; yet, anyone who could listen would know that this time her words came from deepest part of her heart.
"I may never know what could have been, but I will always carry this love with me, Minato. Always," Mikoto choked, attempting to finally stop the flood of her tears.
"I just wish I could see you one more time, Minato," she whispered.
She was still on her knees, hunched over the bed, her head pressing against her trembling hands, the sheets mere inches from her face. Her soft sobs echoed, filling the room with a profound sadness.
It was then.
A hand slowly touched her head, caressing it carefully. Mikoto's heart lurched. There was only one person the hand could belong to—the only other person in the room: Hotaru. The last person she would have wanted to hear what she had just said.
Panic seized her heart, and she felt a rush of anxiety as she thought of all the ways she could explain this to him. Slowly, she raised her head and was met with two clear blue eyes peering down at her, filled with concern. That familiar, intense gaze... that she had thought was lost forever.
She experienced a moment of déjà vu. She had seen those same eyes look at her in the same way many times before, but now were a matter of the past. In that confusion, she forgot all the excuses she had come up with.
Mikoto paused, transfixed by those haunting eyes—eyes she thought she'd never see again—wondering if her wish had been granted and Minato was really here to see her, though it felt impossible.