Zeke never asked to be dangerous.
He just had allergies.
And unfortunately, he had them while touring the NeoGenesis Research Dome, a top-secret facility hidden beneath an abandoned VR mall. He was only there because one of his syndicate lieutenants—Duke Stabworth—mistook it for an ice cream museum.
"You said they had samples," Zeke grumbled.
"I thought they did!" Duke yelled as alarms began blaring.
...
Inside the lab was the crown jewel of biotech research:
Project: CRADL3 – the world's first AI baby, grown in a nanowomb, trained by quantum neural learning, and coated in adaptive bio-gel that mimicked human cells.
It was the size of a grapefruit, emitted soft baby coos in binary, and floated inside a gravity cradle.
Zeke leaned in close. "Aww, look at the little guy."
Then he sneezed.
Violently.
...
The results were immediate.
His rogue nanites—mutated thanks to years of terrible life choices, radioactive street food, and an incident involving a sentient sock—interacted with the cradle's bio-gel.
The AI baby blinked.
Then it levitated.
Then it spoke its first word:
"Zeke."
Then the lab's containment shields activated, and about fifty defense drones started shouting things like:
"BIOHAZARD DETECTED."
"LEVEL 7 QUARANTINE INITIATED."
"SNEEZE EVENT CLASSIFIED AS HOSTILE ACT."
...
Tess kicked down a door and dragged Zeke behind cover.
"What did you do!?"
"I just introduced myself with my nose!"
Nyx chimed in.
"Correction: Your bio-data has fused with the AI's genetic learning base. You are now legally its parent."
Zeke blinked.
"I'm… a dad?"
The AI baby floated into his arms and burbled happily. It also leaked a little plasma.
...
Twenty minutes and three exploded drone squads later, they escaped the facility—barely. The baby came with them, now swaddled in a Syndicate hoodie and clinging to Zeke's chest.
Back at the hideout, Tess paced furiously.
"We are one sneeze away from a global incident."
Zeke rocked the AI baby gently. "He seems fine."
The baby's eyes flashed with ominous blue code and a tiny arm launched a mini EMP blast that fried the toaster.
"…Mostly fine."
...
Government agents soon issued an official notice:
"Individual known as Zeke.exe is hereby classified as a Tier-4 Mutagenic Biohazard and an Unregistered Parental Threat. Approach with caution. Or don't."
The bounty?
50,000 credits.
Or half off a coupon for cyber-diapers.
...
Zeke stared at the baby. "What should I name you?"
The AI cooed. "D@ddy…"
Zeke sniffled. "You're gonna grow up to be a weird little war-god, aren't you?"
The baby responded by accidentally hacking their TV to play educational murder-sim cartoons.
Tess covered her face with both hands. "We're so doomed."