Zeke had seen many strange things in Neo-Valis.
A vending machine that offered life advice.
A sentient pigeon that spoke only in stock tips.
A guy who wore VR goggles 24/7 and claimed to be dating six AIs at once.
But this?
This took the corrupted cake.
...
In the center of the alley that now served as "Neutral Zone: Byte Bites Holy Grounds," stood a ten-foot statue—rough, jagged, and assembled entirely from discarded circuit boards, scrap metal, and some poor guy's old GPU.
It looked vaguely like him, if you squinted… while on painkillers… and hadn't seen his face before.
Tess blinked. "...It has your posture."
"That's not a compliment."
There was a sudden hum, and the statue's LED eyes flickered to life.
"BEHOLD, I AM ZEKE. I AM ERROR."
Zeke dropped his burrito mid-bite. "It talks?!"
A nearby cultist beamed. "We coded it with your most sacred teachings."
Zeke narrowed his eyes. "I don't have any teachings."
The statue glitched, then spoke again:
"'Never update unless you have to.'"
"'If it ain't broke, it's probably still insecure.'"
"'Thou shalt always carry a backup battery.'"
Zeke turned to Tess. "Okay… that last one's legit."
...
The statue suddenly blasted a low-pitched mechanical chant:
"WIFI IS LIFE. LONG LIVE THE NEON GHOST. WIFI IS LIFE. LONG—"
Zeke held up a hand. "Okay, we're done here."
He tried to walk away, only to trip on a loose ethernet cable. The crowd gasped.
The statue glitched again, then shouted:
"THE GHOST FALLS TO TEACH US HUMILITY!"
Cultists hit the floor in synchronized kneeling.
Tess rubbed her temple. "You sneezed earlier and someone carved it into a motherboard."
"I am living in a dystopian fanfiction."
Nyx chimed in:
"Correction: leading a dystopian fanfiction."
...
Later that night, Zeke sat atop the food truck, eating day-old soy-fries and watching the statue repeat the phrase "BUFFERING DIVINITY" over and over.
Tess climbed up beside him, two cans of synth-beer in hand.
"You know," she said, "this could be worse."
Zeke cracked his can. "I could be dead."
"Yup."
"I could be in prison."
"Technically, we all are. The city's just one giant firewall."
"…I could still be hungry."
She nodded. "That's the real nightmare."
They clinked cans and stared at the glowing skyline.
Then the statue lit up one more time and yelled:
"I AM ZEKE. I WAS BORN OF BYTE. I AM THE PING AND THE PACKET."
Zeke groaned.
"I need to format myself out of this city."