DOMINIC
The walk back to the estate was silent, each step between us feeling like a thousand pounds of tension. Lena's posture was stiff, her hands still clutching the cardigan as if it could shield her from the storm swirling around me. I could feel her glancing up at me occasionally, but I kept my gaze forward, too afraid to look down and see the concern in her eyes.
When we finally reached the steps, I stood there for a moment, gathering myself. The door to the estate loomed in front of me, and I felt the weight of the day pressing down harder. The council meeting, the questions, the doubts... and now this. I couldn't seem to shake the feeling that I was losing control of everything, even with her.
Lena stopped just a few paces behind me, her voice soft but steady. "Dom..."
I turned to face her, almost feeling like a punch had landed in my gut at the sound of my name from her lips. She looked at me, eyes steady, lips pressed together like she was holding back something. Her brow furrowed slightly, and that sharp edge of fierceness I loved was there, barely veiled under her usual softness.
"You're upset," she said, her voice calm but firm.
I swallowed, the words burning at the back of my throat, but I didn't speak right away. I didn't want to admit what I was feeling—what was really eating away at me. But I couldn't keep hiding from her. Not anymore.
I exhaled sharply, my temper flaring again, more from frustration than anything else. "I'm fine." The words were clipped, but it didn't feel like the truth. Nothing about this situation felt like the truth.
Lena didn't let me brush her off. She took a step closer, her eyes never leaving mine. "No," she said softly but insistently. "You're not. You're—" She hesitated, biting her lip, trying to figure out the right words. "Look, I know I've not known you very long, but it's like every day, every hour gives me whiplash with your moods being all over the place. I don't understand. Are you always like this? Evan made it seem like you were–" she floundered, "even keeled, I guess."
I didn't know how to explain it, how to lay out the mess inside me that made me feel like I was on the edge of something dark and uncontrollable. How to tell her that I was feeling things I'd never felt before, that being near her made everything sharp and strange. That I was terrified of losing her, of not being enough, of her seeing me as a monster—something to fear, to run from.
I swallowed hard, trying to force myself to be the leader I was supposed to be, the Alpha. But she wasn't just some pack member to manage; she was my mate. That bond between us was overwhelming, suffocating, and every time she looked at me, it was as if the universe was putting a mirror in front of me, showing me things I wasn't sure I was ready to see.
I took a step back, running a hand through my hair, trying to think of the right words to make her understand. "It's the bond," I finally said, my voice rough. "It's complicated. Wolves grow up seeing mate bonds, experiencing them second hand and, if they're lucky enough, they eventually find their mate."
She tilted her head, the confusion in her eyes still there, though I saw a flicker of something—curiosity, maybe. "The bond?" she repeated, repeating the words slowly as if she was testing them.
I looked down at her, hating the weight in my chest, the vulnerability that was creeping up on me. "When you find your mate, there's this connection. A bond that ties us together. It's not something I can control, not something I can just turn off." I paused, unsure of how to continue. "I feel everything. Every damn thing. It's like I'm on fire, but I don't know if I'm burning for you or because of you." I laughed bitterly, trying to lighten the air, but it came out wrong. "I don't know if that makes sense."
Her eyes softened, her expression shifting. She wasn't pulling away from me—no, instead, she was leaning in, as if she was trying to understand me, trying to see through the wall I was building up. I didn't deserve her kindness, not when I couldn't even explain what was wrong with me.
I took a deep breath, willing myself to keep going. "I'm trying to keep it together. For the pack. For you." My gaze flicked down to her hands, still gripping the cardigan like a lifeline. "But it's hard. It's hard when everything inside me wants to pull you close, to protect you. And it's hard when I'm still figuring out how to let you be your own person while also being this... this force in your life. I don't know how to do it, Lena."
Her brow furrowed slightly, as if she was piecing the puzzle together. "So you're saying that's why you're angry?" She stepped a little closer, her voice barely above a whisper, her tone full of something like understanding. "Because I... I didn't know how to help, how to... be the mate you want?"
"No." I shook my head, finally meeting her eyes. "I'm angry because I don't know how to be the man you need. I'm angry because this bond makes me feel like I'm losing myself in it. And I'm not sure if you feel the same. Not sure if you feel anything like I do." I let the words hang in the air, heavy and raw.
Lena didn't speak immediately. Instead, she stepped closer, closing the space between us, her presence warm and comforting in the cold tension that had built between us. "I'm still trying to understand," she said softly, her voice steady, unwavering. "But you're hurting, and I know that I don't want that."
Her words hit me harder than any fight with the council. I'd been trying to protect her, trying to hold on to whatever part of myself I could, all the while asking her to give in and accept the bond when I was fighting, too.
But she wasn't asking for distance right now. She wasn't asking me to be perfect. She was asking me to be real. To let her in.
"I don't want to push you into the bond," I admitted, the words barely a whisper. "I just—" I exhaled sharply, running my hand through my hair again. "I just don't want to lose you. I don't want to screw this up."
Her fingers brushed against my arm, gentle but sure, like she was grounding me. "Thank you." She took a long moment, her hand wrapped around my bicep before finally saying, "I really don't want to hurt you."
I stared at her, the storm inside me finally starting to quiet, and for the first time in what felt like forever, I believed her. And in that moment, I realized I didn't need to have all the answers—not yet. What I needed was to stop fighting what was happening between us and to trust in the bond.