I'm standing in a dark, oversized room, barely lit by a few pathetic beams of light sneaking in through the windows. Behind me, the giant hunk of metal—also known as the royal knight—stands like some terrifying guardian of doom.
Why am I here? Oh, nothing major. Just got kidnapped from my house because apparently, the king wants my blood.
Yeah. Totally normal. Perfectly fine. Just your everyday three-year-old experience.
I mean, sure, other kids get bedtime stories, warm milk, maybe a nap. Me? I get dragged into a creepy castle by a walking suit of armor like I'm some kind of sacrificial lamb.
Someone. Send. Help.
I take a deep breath.
Alright, Ryukard. Time to escape. Time to—
"Stay still," the knight grumbles.
Never mind. I'm doomed.
And there he is… King Arthur himself. The man, the myth, the blood-sucking nightmare about to turn me into a walking juice pouch.
What can I do? Scream? Run? Offer him a refund on my existence? Nope, I forgot—I'm supposed to feel honored.
Yeah. HONORED MY ASS!!!
Arthur strides in, all majestic and broody, like he's about to drop the most dramatic monologue of the century. His royal cape swishes behind him, almost as if it has its own ego. Without saying a word, he plops down on a fancy chair in front of me. Then—because apparently, creepy wasn't enough—he casually casts a spell, lighting up the entire room like some villain preparing for his "Now, let me tell you my evil plan" speech.
Oh wow, mood lighting. Yeah, totally reassuring. Not suspicious at all.
Then, in peak vampire fashion, he doesn't speak—nope, not a single word. Instead, he just stares at the knight behind me. One look. One tiny glance. And boom—big, scary knight just nods and walks out like he got a secret telepathic order leaving me alone with His Majesty the Blood Collector.
This is it.
I'm gonna die.
…At least let me write my will first!
Arthur, with all the grace of a man who definitely wasn't about to commit daylight robbery on my bloodstream, gave me a calm look.
"Sorry to drag you here so suddenly… It won't take much time," he said smoothly.
Oh yeah? That's exactly what every villain says before they do something traumatic!
Then, he reached under his royal coat.
My heart stopped.
Here it comes—the legendary sacrificial dagger, the ancient vampiric chalice, the blood-draining artifact of doom!
AHHHHHH—!!!
Wait.
Huh?
He just… pulled out a piece of paper?
I blinked.
Paper?
Not a dagger? No sinister needle? Not even a fancy blood-siphoning magic crystal?!
He placed the deadly document on the desk and casually slid it toward me like it was a tavern bill.
I glanced at him.
Then at the paper.
Then back at him.
Then back at the paper.
What is this? My death certificate? Or am I supposed to write my own will??
Arthur, still grinning like this was some fun little tea party and not a hostage situation, casually said,
"Well, Ryukard, I just need your thumb."
…
HUH?!
HUHHHHH?!
Now he wants my body parts too?!
WHAT IS HE, A VAMPIRE OR A ZOMBIE?! PICK A STRUGGLE, MAN!
If you're gonna feast on me, at least decide if you're drinking my blood or munching on my fingers first!
Somebody send help! I wasn't told this was a meeting with a cannibal!
Forget this—just bring me a regular vampire! At least they have manners!
Arthur, still looking way too casual for someone about to commit a crime against a three-year-old, continued,
"Ah, you see, Ryuk, I was really busy with all the kingdom repairs, handling affairs, and, well… the late king's funeral. But now that I'm finally free—"
Ah, here it is!
Now that he's got free time, he's finally come to feast on a fresh, virgin, three-year-old boy's blood!
No less from a guy whose dad was a dragon!
Wow, dad was a dragon, and now the son is a vampire?!
Totally normal. Just another Normal day in my life, huh?!
Arthur, still smiling like this was a casual tea party and not an attempted murder, continued,
"…As the new king, I wanted to form a pact with the Blackfyre family. Since your dad isn't here, you'll do just fine."
Huh?
PACT?!
No blood?!
What happened to the blood sacrifice?! What about my thumb?! Did he suddenly lose his appetite?!
Wait… what kind of pact is this?!
A pact to drink my blood every day?!
Or worse—
A pact to eat my body parts one by one?!
Oh god, am I gonna be a long-term snack?!
Arthur, still grinning like this was some friendly neighborhood contract signing and not a blood ritual, continued,
"Well, you see, Ryuk, your Blackfyre bloodline has been protecting our Hemsworth family and the kingdom for centuries. Every time a new king ascends, they must form a pact with your family. So, if you don't mind, could you take this needle, prick your finger, and place your thumbprint here on the paper?"
With a completely straight face, he placed a small needle on the table.
Huh?
HUH?! THAT'S IT?!
All this drama, getting dragged out of my house like a kidnapping victim, fearing for my life, and it turns out he just wants a freaking thumbprint?!
WHO THE HELL SAYS "I NEED YOUR BLOOD" WHEN ALL THEY WANT IS A STUPID THUMBPRINT?!
Is the royal knight training so intense that they forget basic grammar?!
I swear, if this is how they phrase things in the castle, I'm shocked they don't have daily heart attack drills.
Ahh, just like my last life… I'm doomed.
Here I am, a 3 year-old, barely out of diapers, and I'm already signing contracts with kings. Why? I just wanted to be a random villager A, living a peaceful, forgettable life! But no, fate saw me and said, "Haha, nah."
My NPC dream is dying before it even lived!
At this rate, I'll be leading armies by age 5 and fighting demon lords by 10! Somebody stop this madness! I just wanna be a background character! Let me run a fruit stand or something!