To drown or to be drowned, there's no difference for me. To drown in my sorrows and misery, or to be drowned by the sorrows and misery I spread.
When I look around all I see is pitch-black darkness filled with bleakness and hopelessness. Maybe it's because I have my eyes shut or perhaps I just don't want to see.
That this darkness is filled with bones and blood. Filled with sorrows and cries of all those who died. The same cycle repeats with no end in sight.
It's better to drown and be at peace than repeat the process filled with endless hopelessness. Where even the cries of help are drowned by the screams of misery.
Day after day, year after year, time after time, and repeating the same life over and over, always struggling with no end in sight.
So when I saw a glimmer of hope, a spec of light I clanged onto it as a drowning man finally found his oasis.
Even knowing that it's a much deeper abyss from which I have climbed out of I still chose to plunge into it.
They say don't peer into the abyss it will swallow you whole but at times you have to plunge into it to get out. No matter how deep it might be if it means an escape from this endless cycle then it's worth a try.
For me who has lost emotions, senses, the awe of life and fear of death nothing else matters more than to escape, it's now an obsession and purpose of life. I have forgotten the joys and sorrows that life has to offer. From a once vigorous burning flame, all that is left is a spark of flame.
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I miss him so much. Its been so long since I felt alive or felt any emotions. I know we can't be together, our worlds are so far apart, different.
He's the light, shining brightly, illuminating everything around, while I'm the darkness, dying everything black. Some would say opposites attract, others opposites repel. But I know that we can't be together anymore. Since the our worlds aren't the same.
they separated on the day i came to this one. only the thought of seeing him has kept me going on. i know for sure that he must be so different from what i imagine him to be.
i have laid myself bare for him to see. yet i know nothing about him. nor him, his thoughts and everything, he is like a mystery that i would like to unravel but am scared to touch.
he will burn my entire being, yet i am still attracted to him.
I'm crazy, i want his attention, his time, his love, his hate, i want him to want me more then he wants himself, crave my entire being into his soul, so that i alone am left in him, and there is no more him.
the love i feel for him isn't pure, its twisted, dark, filthy, full of desire to possess and destroy. i want him to burn for me. crave me, bleed for me. till nothing is left but ashes.
a love so deep I'm not sure whether it will drown him or me. all i know is that either we both survive or only one will be left battered bruised and broken.
my love for him is so deep that i can't live without him, the thought of him not been with me is enough to drive me crazy to burn the world, make it burn in the same fire that I'm burning for his presences.
people call me a crazy bitch, i never denied what i am. if i can't have him its alright. i will make sure no body else can. i will crave myself into him, be it in love, hate or fear, as long as its directed at me that's enough.
him loving me doesn't matter as long as i love him, he can hate me, fear me, loathe me, or love me its his choice. my decision is to make me his number one priority, so that he thinks of me in every breadth he takes, he won't escape this prison just like i can't. he made me like this now he is responsible for the consequences. just because he doesn't remember doesn't mean it never happened , as it did and i remember every single encounter that happened be it in this life or the past ones.
*wakes up gasping from the dream, in which love mattered and kept me afloat from drowning, now even that can't stop me from seeking my destruction*
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Finally we are free from the hell hole *cheers*.
*lets go Sebastian and lucifer we are going to travel*I have travelled it so many times yet it still not enough to explore everything that this world has to offer.
*where we going?* asks Lucifer
*this time lets go visit our enemies for now the dragons* HEHE * he probably would have never thought we would go there!
*lets travel on carriage since i have never been to that place, its already destroyed in most replays. lets go see what that kingdom has to offer.*
leans against the tree while Sebastian goes to get the carriage, lucifer plops to the ground laying motionless probable asleep.
*Are you going to look for him? king*asks lucifer.
the playful smile whipped out of my face, you know its not possible, him and I can never be together, just like you and I can never be together, the last part whispered so lightly that lucifer asks for it to be repeated.
He's dead Lucifer, he died. Even if he was alive it can never be him again.We are going there in order to carry out the necessary preparations before she comes through! This is gonna be the last chance. The world is dying, just like how some of us are dead but still have to go through it, since we made promises, oaths, and vows on the graves of those we killed, sacrificed, and left behind.
I wish he had chosen me at that time, but there are no ifs he chose what he wanted and left me, now its just me drowning, sinking and left behind. The spark he started has long since faded, only the curse of loving him remains.
I should have listened to my first mum when she told me to never make promises, You have to follow through them, now in this world I'm screwed. She used to warn me to never swear oaths because one never knows when you have to carry it out, Funny huh! He escaped yet I'm burning in the pits of darkness, drowning yet never able to pull myself back up.