Turning 19 and looking back at life and choices that I made as a stupid teenager, I just wish somebody would have stopped me.
I still remember my first relationship, i wouldn't call it love ofcourse, it was so random and so unnecessary.
Vishal Khanna! My First Heartbreak.
How can I forget him, I will never.
I was just a STUPID TEENAGER when he walked in my life.
I was 13, and he was way older than me I'd say somewhere between 21-23.
At that age i didn't even know the exact concept of relationship and what it meant I just knew it was something I was suppose to hide from the world.
Vishal and I met online on an online gaming platform, he was friendly and i was just a teenager, him and i started chatting everyday while playing games, we use to team up and not let anyone eliminate the other, it was fun all fun.
Untill one day Vishal asked me if I had a boyfriend?
"A boyfriend? Well no not yet you know i am a little young for that" i told him
" You sure are young yet so mature, how can someone not fall for you." He tried to explain something, something i didn't even cared about at that age , sure I wanted to be loved more than anything in this world but not the kind he was intending for .
I tried to change the topic, cause hearing someone say that there are people who'll love me was something that just made me feel things , things I didn't know i could feel, love wasn't something i got and you know you desire the things you lack , i had no love in my life not of any kind and i desired it more than anything more than principles and morality.
"Do you have a girlfriend?" I asked him in order to change the topic and also cause i really wanted to know.
"Well...No! Not really!" He lied in a tone that the older me would have understood but what can I say I was just a stupid teenager.
Hearing that he didn't have a girlfriend made me feel a little better, but i wasn't intending to make the first move, he was just too old for me to even think about seeing a future with him.
I was just soo young I knew that atleast, so i didn't tried .
But then one day Vishal told me he was suffering from some sort of illness, a lie I can see it now but not when you are that young and immature with no adult to even care about you or answer your questions, I was raising myself things were different, things were difficult! I was just a stupid teenager.
So i fell for it , i fall for his illness drama! I gave him sympathy, one thing that has always been my enemy, sympathy!
He then told me that he only had a few months to live, huh! Really I was so naive back then I can see it now, with Vishal's drama of only having few months to live i started crying, cause at that time i was a genuine kid who felt like their "friend" would die, if only i would have known where it'll lead me to i would have wished for his death, i would have prayed to God everyday to kill him and when he would have killed Vishal i would have just asked God for proof.
But what can I say I was just a STUPID TEENAGER.
So i believed him and in the heat of the moment he asked me to be his girlfriend, a 21 year old man asked a 13 year old teenager to be his gf? Vishal wanted an answer and i had none, I was so stunned by his question and before i could answer he asked me another question "is it because I am about to die? Is That why you don't want to date me?"
No! No! No! You were a pedo but the younger me didn't know what that was so she just said "No! Vishal I'll be your girlfriend I'll stay by your side till your last breath"
Vishal got so happy and then he started calling me words, words that I use to hear my seniors call eachother like baby , sweetheart and what not ,it was all just so creepy and was going too fast for a 13 year old's brain, i didn't know what he wanted but I knew one thing if i won't stay on call or text with him, he'll just tell me how sick he got or how he puked blood, i use to get so concerned for him, I was failing classes cause i was busy entertaning a 21 year old man, and i had no one to talk to or to tell how all that was making me feel.
One day Vishal wasn't online so I played a game ,alone ,there i found this guy who wanted to be my friend and i needed someone to talk to anyways so I said ok .
His Name was Girish jha , i just didn't know much about him, all I knew was he had some sort of business that he owned, i didn't know why but i never told him about Vishal, and he never asked me if i had a boyfriend or not so i guess it wasn't a big deal.
Well even after Vishal's lies and tantrums, on me not being able to talk to him i stayed, I stayed because after dating him for a month i felt what we had was real, then Vishal asked to meet him and i, I just didn't know where to meet , to me the whole world was new i wasn't allowed to go out i didn't know where to go and where to meet so i told him
"No! Vishal, i can't go out" and he was clearly upset i could tell it by his tone and then he sighed and said "atleast i can get your pictures, right?" Oh yeah pictures, ofcourse, so I sent him some selfies but he got angry "Are you playing with me Aneya? Do you think it's a joke , are you a kid I asked for pictures " umm what was i missing? He asked for pictures and I gave him, right?
Right?
"I don't understand Vishal what do you want?" I asked him in confusion , for some reasons Vishal just laughed and said
"oh Aneya! You are so innocent and cute, listen baby you love me right?"
"Yes" i replied i never thought so I did but i said yes cause he was dying! or so i thought .
"So Aneya why don't you, Maybe, pull you shirt up a little and send me your picture" he instructed me calmly
"Huh?" I was so confused what does that mean why would he request such an odd thing
"Aneya don't think much I won't tell anyone please"
He coughed in between the sentences to make it seem like something that was maybe he really needed
"Okay, Vishu! I'll, I'll, just go drink some water baby"
I said as if I was a doctor curing his illness with some water and my pictures .
Without knowing what I was doing and how it'll all turn out i clicked some pictures very suggestive pictures and sent it to him
He got so happy and said "Aneya you don't know how happy you made me I'll call you in a moment"
And i waited I didn't know what he was doing but when he called me back he sounded soo relaxed
"Aneya baby you are the most beautiful girl in the world" it was his first time calling me beautiful i don't know why I liked it.
The sound of beautiful made me happy and it became our ritual, I used to send Vishal my pictures the kind he liked and he just compliment me , I loved getting complimented by him, or anyone honestly!
Then one day him and i were on video call and he made me talk to his friends, their smiles were creepy and their words were, weird! as I grew older i realised they were lustful but the younger me even without knowing anything just felt awful! i felt like crying, why didn't Vishal took a stand for me?
My mind was completely devastated by his actions but then he said it wasn't a big deal and I was overacting and said i should forget about that.
He then started acting as if nothing happened he started loving me again , Vishal loved me and that's all I ever wanted, And at the same time Girish became my friend too, he was nice and sweet he even called me beautiful without even any pictures ,But then asked for the pictures too just like Vishal and said " Aneya don't you love me? To show me you trust me and that you love me I need your pictures, that's the sign of love" i didn't know if i was suppose to send him those pictures or not but I did, when I use to take pictures for Vishal i use to send it to Girish too.
He use to say things like he don't care, how many people I talk to or whatever I do, as long as I love him; once he even found out about Vishal but said he forgive me I was just a kid and that he loved me and to make him happy I was suppose to send him my pictures you know, cause that's how you show love!
love was such an easy word for those 21-25 year old pedos , they use to toss this word around for their creepy desires , i wish I knew it sooner , i wish somebody would have stopped me, I wish I had someone to understand me.
But I was just a STUPID TEENAGER wanting to be loved and i did everything in my hand to be loved.
But one day Vishal stopped complimenting me after those pictures I use to send, he stopped saying I love you frequently, i started crying about him in front of Girish, Girish thought Vishal was just a loser and i should just be with Girish.
One day Vishal didn't picked up my call, the whole day I was crying and sobbing, for love? Or Maybe for attention.
Then he called me the next evening and said
"Aneya i am so done with you , and I love someone else and we have been dating for months, so I am leaving you now "
Leaving me was it that easy ? To just leave me ?
I was so easily replaceable i didn't thought that but maybe i wasn't all that, I was just a STUPID TEENAGER!
A teenager who got her heartbroken for the first time.
It felt awful it felt weird it hurt not just my heart but i could feel the pain physically too.
I was so heartbroken but i couldn't tell anyone so I just went to Girish, telling him I left Vishal for him.
And then Girish jha...