I don't remember the exact day we met, but I do remember her pink hairband with a star on it, the way she forcefully snatched my toy truck...but I didn't mind it though, we were just kids back then I was just 3 years old and she was 2.5 when she walked into my life like an angel straight out of heaven.
We went to the same kindergarten, and then the same school, our families grew closer, we were the best of friends, I don't even remember a day I ever spent without her. If someone will ask me when did I fell in love I won't say seventeen, I won't say fifteen, I will say twelve!
Cause that's when I realized she looked the prettiest out of all other girls, when she nervously tucked her hair behind her ear.
It was always her.
Even before I knew what love meant,
Aneesha Mehra! the love of my life was my bestie as she would say, since we weren't even able to spell best friends! We had matching lunch boxes, sat next to each other during class, got scolded by teachers for talking to each other during school assembly. Whenever I fell sick, she wouldn't go to school either, on our first picnic from school she got lost for 10 minutes and I cried so bad as if i would never hear from her ever again in this life, and when the teacher found her sleeping in the backseat of the school bus I hugged her so hard that she almost chocked.
"Zain, leave me!" she giggled. "No. you're stupid. Don't go anywhere again" I cried.
She looked at me, serious for a second, and said, "I'll never leave you stupid".
And just like that I believed her.
When we were in middle school, she was the sunshine of our classroom.
Beautiful, loud, intelligent and what not! She was everyone's favorite; i was quieter, more into books, more into thoughts, but she was my comfort zone, my chaotic yet smart person.
At twelve, something changed, I noticed things I hadn't before.
Like how she laughed differently around other boys our age, or how her voice softened when she was talking to someone she liked.
I didn't liked it, I hated it actually, but I never uttered a word.
Instead, I started collecting red coloured candies from my pack, as those were her favourite.
I started wearing my dad's perfume, because she liked boys who smelled nice.
And I also starts memorizing the way her handwriting curled when she wrote her name.
But I never really tried to express my feelings to her, as I was terrified,terrified of ruining what we had, because even back then I knew one thing Aneesha Mehra! meant everything to me.
We'd go back home together in the same school bus, sharing the same seat.
She'd talk the entire way, about her annoying younger brother, her math test at tution classes, the nail paint she secretly wore last weekend. I'd simply nod and smile and pretend to listen, but all I could think about was how badly I wanted to hold her and and tell her how much I loved her.
One day, while she was ranting about some boy in class calling her "bossy," I remember blurting out, "Well, you are bossy." She stopped mid-sentence, looked at me like I betrayed her. "Zain!" she gasped. "You're supposed to be on my side!" I laughed.
"I am. But that doesn't mean I can't tell you the truth."
She pouted dramatically, crossed her arms, then smiled. "You're lucky I love you."
I froze.
She didn't mean it that way, obviously.
But still... I spent the entire night staring at my ceiling, replaying those five words over and over again. "You're lucky I love you".
God, if only she knew.
That year, our school organized a Christmas carnival, Aneesha convinced me to be her partner for a quiz competition and she promised to treat me with a ice cream if we win.
We won.
She forgot the ice cream.
But I didn't care, because when they announced our names together, she jumped up and hugged me infront of everyone and for the first time I felt seen, felt like maybe, just maybe, I mattered to her, maybe she too felt something. Even now, when I go through those memories, I feel, I always knew our story wouldn't be ordinary.
She was chaos.
I was calm.
But we balanced each other in a way, no other person could.
I was just a kid.
But my feelings weren't.
They were all REAL, They are REAL.
And even now, after all that mess, I still remember the twelve y/o version of myself sitting in a yellow school bus, quietly watching her braid her hair with red scrunchies, thinking... God,i am in love with my best friend!
The only thing about being in love with your best friend is, it never feels like a beginning, there's no dramatic moment, no thunderstorm, no rain-soaked confession under an umbrella.
No Bollywood-style dance in the mountains, no red saree fluttering in the snow while violins play in the background.
It's just.... it was always there, it's been there all along, in the way you remember their favorite colour, in the way your world dims when they are not around.
Aneesha was the center of my universe, and I revolved around her without getting tired.
And of course why would I get tired, she was the love of my life.
Seventh grade roll in by then, new classmates, changing bodies, teenage hormones, and whispers about crushes and "first loves".
Aneesha, as always, thrived in it all. She started getting attention from boys, they'd purposely sit beside her, borrow stationary, offer her extra lunch, laugh way too loudly at all her jokes.
And I? started disappearing into the background. She still talked to me, of course, still saved me the window seat on the bus, still asked for help with maths homework, but something was shifting, and I felt it in my gut.
She was outgrowing the world we built together, and I was desperately trying to hold onto it.
I had started to write diary by then, I was scribbling in it during lunch break, she came to me "what are you writing?" she asked.
"uhh, its nothing" I told.
She snatched the diary from my hand and read it, and thank god I never mentioned her name in it. "whose this girl huhh?" she asked while teasing me a bit.
"maybe she is standing right in front of me" I replied.
"what do you mean?" she asked.
"or maybe she is a hundred miles away from me who knows" I hesitated and changed the topic. Who knows where did I gather this much strength from, but I still wasn't able to confess, she just forgot the whole thing, but I wasn't able to sleep for days after this.
By the time we were thirteen, we weren't just kids anymore.
Aneesha started hanging out with a new girl group, louder, cooler, the kind that used lip gloss and said things like "He's giving main character vibes."
I hated every second of it.
I hated how they'd giggle when she passed by. How they teased her about boys and crushes.
How she blushed and played along.
There was this one guy, Samar. Tall, athletic, captain of the basketball team.
Of course, he liked Aneesha.
Everyone did.
And she... well, she didn't say no when he offered to carry her bag one afternoon.
Didn't stop him when he sat beside her in the library.
I remember skipping football practice that day.
I went home, lay on my bed, and stared at the ceiling fan spinning lazily above me.
Something inside my chest ached.
Like a part of me was slipping away, and there was nothing I could do to stop it.
But I still didn't confess.
Still didn't told her.
Because I still wasn't ready to loose her completely.
Then came the day she showed up at school wearing earrings.
Not big ones.
Just small silver hoops.
But I noticed.
Of course I did.
"Do I look weird?" she asked, spinning around, flashing her dimpled grin.
"You look..." I paused, suddenly shy.
"Different."
"Good different?" she asked
I nodded.
She smiled.
"Cool. Because there's a party next week,Ishita's birthday,You're coming, right?"
"Only if you're there," I said without thinking.
She tilted her head, narrowed her eyes playfully. "You're weird sometimes, Zain."
And yet, she never realized why....