Wanting you is about the only thing I can do. No matter what I try you are forever the only one on my mind that I truly care about. Despite what has happened between us in the past, I still couldn't get over my feelings for you. Once you started talking to me again I was determined not to let things go back to how they used to be (i.e. me having feelings for you), but no matter how much I told myself it wasn't going to happen, and how much I told people I didn't feel that way about you, I just couldn't keep my feelings from getting the best of me. I knew that once my feelings came out I would only wind up being hurt again. Every time I was with you I was subjected to seeing you with another guy and I always tried to act as though I was alright with it because we were nothing more than friends. That night I saw you walking outside, when I held you in my arms, was the most painful thing for me at the time. I didn't like seeing you angry and upset, and I didn't want to say what I had to say to you because Julius was there. I felt bad not knowing what to say to you because I was supposed to always know the right thing to say, but I guess at that moment seeing you in person made me choke. The night when CJ and his friends came by while I was there was the second most painful night for me. Being in the room with the person I hated the most at the school was unbearable. I didn't want to show it, but I just couldn't hide it. I just needed to get out of there. When I left you said something that really pissed me off, not because it was bad, but rather because it came from you after everything you've put me through for saying, "I like you." That night as I was leaving and I hugged you good-bye you said, "I love you." Once I heard that my mind was racing and I was speechless. I knew saying it back would only hurt me more, so I didn't, but what troubled me the most was I didn't know the proper way to respond to It. I walked out silently, and yet all I did was go back to my room and think about you some more. No matter what happens, it always leads back to you...
