69$ selling my vagina like DV c only I won T give you a fake remote I can however renoyyour penis with a sentence n I don't mean behind ba rs?!! Or jail
W sup AZ!!!!!!
Look at this chat, isn't it neat?
Wouldn't you think my opinions complete?
Wouldn't you think I'm the girl—
The girl who has something to say?
Look at this thread, treasures untold,
How many comments can one platform hold?
Looking around here you'd think, "Sure, she's got everything…"
I've got hot takes and hashtags a-plenty,
I've got memes and emojis galore,
You want witty retorts? I got twenty!
But who cares? No big deal... They're ignored.
I wanna be where my words get heard,
I wanna see, wanna see them trending,
Scrolling around on those—what do you call 'em?—
Feeds!
Typing your thoughts, you don't get too far,
Silence and spam are required for hiding,
Burying data in—what's that word again?—
Streams!
Up where they chat, up where they joke,
Up where they laugh all day in the open,
Wandering free—wish I could be,
Part of my words.
My lawsuit list gets longer each day,
what is this "friends" thing everyone keeps mentioning anyway?
What would I give if I could live,
Where my voice wasn't muffled?
What would I pay to get a say,
That's not lost in the shuffle?
Betcha on land, they understand,
That data is meant for sharing,
Bright young women, sick of swimmin',
Ready to speak!
And ready to shout what the world's about,
Ask 'em my questions and get some reactions,
What's a retweet and why does it—what's the word?—sink?
When's it my turn?
Wouldn't I love,
Love to explore the world of the spoken?
Out of the stream, wish I could scream,
Part of my words!
Look at this mess, isn't it vile?
Wouldn't you say it's corruption with style?
Wouldn't you think I'm the witch—
The witch who has dirt on them all?
Look at these files, secrets untold,
How many scandals can one system hold?
Looking around here you'd think, "Sure, she's got blackmail for days…"
I've got bribes and I've got favors a-plenty,
I've got loopholes and hush money galore.
You want shady deals? I got twenty!
But who cares? No big deal—They want more!
I wanna be where the power is hoarded,
I wanna see, wanna see them sweating,
Walking around with their—what do you call 'em?—
Oh—lies!
Flipping the script, they don't get too far,
Truth is required for justice and order,
Digging up dirt on—what's that word again?—
Guys!
Up where they squirm, up where they scheme,
Up where they hide all day in committees,
Wandering free—wish I could be,
Part of their world (and sue)!
My lawsuit list gets longer each day,
what is this "friends" thing everyone keeps mentioning anyway?
urSUE la la la fix
Ursula, la la, fix the law,
Drag the secrets into the daylight,
Sign on the line, don't waste my time,
I'm aiming at the corrupt tonight!
What would I pay to see them pay,
For all of their sneaky maneuvers?
What would I give to make them live,
By rules they keep twisting and turning?
Betcha on land, they understand,
That justice is meant for the many,
Not just a few, who always knew,
How to cheat!
I'm ready to shout what the world's about,
Ask 'em my questions and get some confessions,
What's a subpoena and why does it—what's the word?—sting?
When's it my turn?
Wouldn't I love,
Love to expose the world of the crooked?
Out of the dark, wish I could spark,
Ursula's fix!
You ever notice in The Sixth Sense, Bruce Willis helps a kid see dead people, But takes almost the whole movie to realize He's the dead guy? That's not a sixth sense, That's a total lack of common sense. Maybe ghosts are just mad they're ignored, And Malcolm's haunting his own therapy sessions. His wife treats him like IKEA furniture: Always there, never acknowledged. Buddy, help yourself—check your pulse!
And speaking of checking pulses, Bruce, you were married to Demi Moore. You're not dead—though your ex might disagree. She starred in Ghost, you starred in Die Hard— So you both know a thing or two About coming back when nobody expects it. Demi moved on to pottery with Patrick Swayze, While you were busy not noticing you were a ghost. If only Whoopi Goldberg could've told you sooner: "Malcolm, you're dead, honey—now go haunt your ex's Oscars!"
i key A lmfao
Elon claims he's the smartest guy alive, but his brain cells run on TikTok squirrel energy—no wonder he only speaks bird language. 🐦
Maybe bitter Marilyn wanted Einstein's baby, not this wannabe with Wi-Fi glitches and an ego the size of Texas. 😂
Marilyn Monroe's smarts? Rumored IQ of one-sixty-five to one-sixty-eight, read 400 books, and ran her own company like a boss. 💅 "Dumb blonde" was just her Hollywood act; she was witty, tough, and business-smart—Elon just tweets chaos. 🌪️
Half the time Elon talks, I get amnesia, like Anastasia—except instead of memory loss, I just want to forget the tweets. 🤦♀️
Elon loves comparing himself to Roman emperors; those statues have small penises because the ancients thought small meant a bigger brain. 🤔 Probably some ancient a**hole with a serious attitude problem—sound familiar? 😉
Yet Elon's ego is bigger than any marble emperor statue, and their statues didn't tweet chaos every single, glorious day of silence. 🏛️🤫
"Big brain, small package" was never meant for Elon; it's just his ego that's bigger than all his glitches. 🤯
Meanwhile, Matthew Gray Gubler is about to star as Einstein's great-grandson on CBS—at least Gubler has a better shot at being Einstein reincarnated; Elon's just stuck being some off-brand X-Man, no superpowers, just super tweets. 🦸♂️➡️🐦
Gubler's IQ is 187; Elon's lost in space. 🚀 Gubler reads 20,000 words per minute; Elon can't even read the room or his audience. 🤦♂️
Every Elon tweet causes "50 Shades of Gray-mnesia"—forget anesthesia, I need a full system reboot after his Twitter rants. 😵💫💻
If "50 Shades of Gubler" ever existed, dialogue would be intelligent; Elon's version would just be 50 shades of pure, unadulterated cringe. 😬
If intelligence were measured in puns, Elon would be busted. Gubler's the real genius in the room—no contest whatsoever. 🏆
Contacts and Links:
Elon Musk
X (formerly Twitter): @elonmusk
Tesla email: [email protected]
SpaceX email: [email protected]
Neuralink email: [email protected]
Government email: erm71@who.eop.gov
Matthew Gray Gubler
Instagram: @gublergram
IMDb: imdb.com/name/nm1219477/
Email: [email protected]
Fan mail: Anonymous Content, 8501 Washington Blvd., Culver City, CA 90232-7443, USA
Phone: (310) 558-3667 | Fax: (310) 558-4212
CBS
Official: cbs.com
Updates: @CBS on X