Chapter 2: A Reason To Live
Still in a daze I try to stand when I topple over from the added weight on my back. Every detail, every scent, every particle, every sound assaults my senses. The sensory overload must have been too much as I had gone into shock as the last thing I remember is a woman's scream before I blacked out a second time.
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I woke up in a hospital bed with my mind still fuzzy from what I just went through. I look at my back to check if the wings are still there but when I turn nothing appears. Like they never existed. Not even my clothes are ripped from the supposed wings I had on my back.
'Guess that was all a dream,' disappointment creeping in.
'Just when I thought I found something to live for.'
A nurse passing by notices me and calls a doctor to come check up on me.
'Maybe when I'm out of here I'll find a higher place to jump.'
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MAN'S POV
'If only I was there?!'
'Why wasn't I there!?'
'Why …'
I stood over the hospital bed of my son. Just hours earlier I received a call of a boy who jumped off a bridge.
'I am a cop. Me… Dae Moira. My duty is to protect the people. But I failed. I couldn't protect … I couldn't save… Isaac… It wasn't from an outside danger. But a danger within one's self.'
I never want to see something like this again.
"Falling over 20 storey's and coming out with practically no physical injuries. Kid, you're lucky to be alive."
Hearing this, I couldn't help but turn my head seeing the boy who was unconscious like my son wake up. Furthermore hearing how he fell from 20-storey's. It didn't take long to realize he and my son attempted the same thing. One more successful than the other.
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BOY'S POV
The doctor was saying how it was a miracle I was alive. I didn't really pay it any mind.
"Do you have any family members or guardians we can contact? They must be worried sick."
'Family? Guardians? Nope. Neither.'
I look down and the man seemingly understands.
"Alright kid. For now we'll place you in an orphanage. Tell me, how old are you kid?"
"16" I reply
A slight crack appears in the doctor's calm, playful facade. He seemed a bit uncomfortable now.
'Guess I don't look 16 with how small and frail I look'
"16? Well… I guess there's no point in sending you there. Maybe we can arrange for a guardian to look after you or is there anything you want right now?"
Ray knew the doctor was trying to uplift him. It didn't take a genius to figure out why a teen at the age of 16 was jumping off the rooftop of a 20 storey building. The doctor was trailing off about how I should look for a passion or goal, when a nurse came bursting through a room.
"DOC! We need you in Sector B ER RIGHT NOW!"
In an instant the doctor left, leaving Ray alone with the unconscious boy and sulking man.
'He didn't even ask for my name. Just called me 'kid'.'
Was I ever a kid? When did I get a chance to be a kid? Kids are supposed to be pure, innocent, happy, so… full of life. Not an empty shell like me.
Wants? Have I ever lived for any wants? When all my life I had to live of needs, the essentials. There was no room for wants.
That doesn't mean there weren't any. Just no space for them.
'Guess I wasn't important enough in his eyes' I knew it was wrong to think that way. The doctor had other people to save. My case isn't unique. There are hundreds of youths jumping off bridges, buildings, balconies, and cliffs for various reasons. Still, it hurt. Everyone I've ever met has just casted me aside with little regard for my thoughts. My needs.
"Maybe I'm the problem" I whispered
'Maybe I'm too selfish to wish for someone to care about someone as broken as me.'
"Hey, kid."
I looked up towards the man who was still standing by the unconscious boy's bedside.
"Don't think that or even say that"
The man spoke with a slight aggression. In my mind I thought 'another adult is about to chew into me. I hate this. How come everyone who talks to me has a problem with me.'
"I couldn't help but overhear your conversation with the doctor. This might be insensitive of me but… Why?"
I was caught by surprise.
"Why jump?"
'Why does this random man care? What does he gain out of this?'
For some odd reason, I actually humored the man and decided to think before answering.
With the thought of the doctor leaving and how he reminded him of the abandonment he felt he came to a conclusion.
"I… I felt… no… yeah… I think I was just… looking for my reason to live…'
I don't need a dream, a grand goal, or an achievement. No, I wanted something more simple. I wanted a connection. Someone to tell me they cared and I would care back. Not something shallow, but something deep. To be able to connect with someone and protect them as much as yourself. That's my reason to live.
"…Like a connection to keep me going."
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DAE'S POV
The doctor rushed out of the room and I couldn't help but drift my eyes to the boy who was now sitting up and staring at the door.
'His eyes look… hollow' I thought. I was a bit startled to see a boy with eyes as pitch black as the night. Eyes that appeared to be lost and shattered. Soulless even.
I knew I shouldn't have listened in on the doctor's talk with the boy. Looking at him, he reminded me of my son. The one I failed.
For a brief moment I was angered and furious. 'Why is he still around when no one cares for him while my son here has people who care about him but he isn't awake?' I was startled at my own thoughts.
"Maybe I'm the problem," The boy said.
That one sentence turned something in me. Maybe I was the problem too.
I wanted to help this boy as penance for not being capable enough to save my son. I focused too much on why my son made such a decision, why he would give up, rather than thinking how I could've been the cause of it. A 'righteous' cop who rarely shows up for his son and practically left him to fend for his own.
"Hey, kid."
He stared at me with his empty, hollow eyes.
"Don't think that or even say that"
With that he stared at the ground and his eyes seemed to gain a new shade of cloudiness.
'Maybe I was too hasty… Damn… Uhhhhh… I need to change my approach.'
In a lighter tone I questioned.
"I couldn't help but overhear your conversation with the doctor. This might be insensitive of me but… Why?"
His eyes seemed to gain some color when I said that. Before he started staring at the door.
I was thinking I just ended the conversation when he answered.
"I… I felt… no… yeah… I think I was just… looking for a reason to live. Like a connection to keep me going." The boy said that last part in a hushed almost whisper-like tone.
His words hit me like a truck. Did my son think the same? Was he looking for a reason to live or a connection but never got one? Was I that inadequate of a father?
I decided there. I was going to change. And it was going to start with this boy.
'When Isaac wakes up maybe he'll enjoy the change.' I thought, smiling internally.
"Hey. If you want. Why don't I become your guardian?"
The boy looked at him with skepticism.
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RAY'S POV
"Hey. If you want. Why don't I become your guardian?"
That sentence nearly took me out. My mind was already weak from all the emotions coming out right now. I felt vulnerable. I was usually tough and cold on the outside and in. The world had no color. But right now… Shades started appearing. I was uncomfortable, but I didn't dislike it.
'It's probably fake. Every action, every moment, people act in a way that keeps them on top. No way he wants to add a problem like me to his list of worries. He already has an unconscious son, so I can't burden him anymore. He'll say he was joking or maybe he might…'
"I know you might think I'm lacking but hey, I want to change. I may need to learn along the way. But… I can be the connection you are searching for."
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NARRATOR POV
On the surface Ray was looking for a connection. But in reality, Ray wanted a reason to live.
On the surface Dae wanted to help this teen. But in reality he was looking to change for his son when he woke up.
Deep down they both had ulterior motives but I guess ulterior motives aren't all bad when they are for the right reasons.
All Dae got for an answer was a silent stare, but it was enough to understand. Ray's eyes were clear, still empty and hollow, but he seemed to acknowledge Dae's proposition. And Ray didn't dislike it.
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