My eyelids felt so heavy, and my whole body was so cold that I didn't know what to do.
I was trying my very best to move my body , but all I could do at that stage was shout in my head.
MOVE YOURSELF DAMMIT! YOU DON'T NEED TO DIE NOW AT LEAST, not yet...... please just move...please move you have to live for your parents......please.
But all those internal struggles only managed to twinge my finger a little.
Please, you have to move for them.....for them.....move DAMMIT YOU IDIOT.
Even though I was able to move myself a little , nobody came to help me as they were busy clicking photos rather than rushing me to the hospital.
In the end, I concluded nobody would come to help me since I was bleeding out fast.
All of these reasons were just making me curse at them while feeling how powerless I was , unable to even help myself.
As my end was approaching, time started to flow slowly for me as the last surge of adrenaline had just entered my life began to flash in front of my eyes.
Seeing past memory of my parent's smile, happy moment, and regret of life. But even in my last moment, I remember the work and the scolding of the boss made me laugh, or I have turned crazy laughing nonsensically.
Ha.....ha...a..! So this is the Bystander Effect! I became a perfect textbook example.
With my final moment, I managed to turn my head and look at the person who killed me right there who died being suicidal.
My death is a pretty common type or an uncommon one, but one thing is sure a cruel game has been played by fate upon me. I died just trying to go back home.
Rush hours were ongoing, and people were gathering up like flies waiting for a train to arrive so everyone could enjoy the comfort called home with some suffering.
Within this suffering, I tried to play a sick game of my own just to get a little more comfort to stand in front and get seat in rush hours, but you know what fate planned for me. A random person jumped at me, tackling me and pushing me in front of the slow-moving train with himself even though it wasn't going fast, a slow train can still be dangerous, especially with the limited space beneath it. At that moment, I couldn't help but think, "Why me? Out of everyone?" Though trying to explain the uncontrollable, I came to realize an answer. A young kid, barely 18, is a perfect target for such a crime. Who would choose an elderly person over someone young, who has their whole life ahead of them?
But all this could be me trying to justify my death. Who doesn't even do it? I think everyone does it.
Don't they?...... Yeah it's not relatable, is it?
Now, the state I am in is completely disordered not as a metaphor but in reality.
Even with the train crash and bleeding, I even lost the feeling of sense of pain slowly. It doesn't hurt much, or the feeling itself is slowly withering away. If I were to describe it, it's more like water flowing sensation with coldness, but in this case, it is like blood flowing out with cold sensation.
All of a sudden, I started to feel calm now. Voices of bystanders started to fade away, and the world started to get dark slowly, and with the pain disappearing, calmness and peace started to take over.
Trying to force my eyes open I could almost see myself in a third person view but soon the darkness covers my eyes and authorities came to clear up and declared me dead but I was right there alive that made me feel frustrated. That voice was the last thing I heard, and soon, the darkness covered everything.