"This is the worst day of my life." I muttered to myself as I lay there, motionless. Finally, at long last my miserable life was coming to an end. I didn't know what I was supposed to feel in a situation like this. Should I be happy that it's finally over or sad that I didn't do much with it.
My life so far hadn't been eventful, much less exciting. I didn't have anyone important in my life anymore. None of my friends from school kept in touch. Looking back now, being the class clown wasn't the best way to make any deep connections. Hiding behind the mask and all that stuff.
I started slacking off in my studies just to fit in with the "cool kids." Nothing good came out of that. I had fun for a few years, almost got addicted to drugs, and failed miserably in all my exams. Now I work in an entry-level position with an abusive supervisor.
A girlfriend? Those never worked out. They all got bored of me pretty fast. Maybe I should've taken relationships more seriously. Not that it matters now. I'm going to die here, all alone.
My relationship with my parents was even worse. I don't keep in contact with my dad. I honestly don't think he'd care if I died.
"Ugh... I want to die."
Here I am, dying in a fire because I tried to save a little girl. Fortunately for her, she somehow escaped. Unfortunately for me, the exit got blocked off and I got stuck here.
So even my heroism ended up being meaningless.
I was starting to lose consciousness, and memories of my life began flooding in. Is this what they call life flashing before your eyes? There were a few happy moments, but most were sad—some I didn't even want to remember.
It's fine. I'll be dead soon. What's a few more seconds of suffering compared to the 27 years I've already lived?
In the far corner of my eye, I saw something impossible: a small plant growing through the floor. A strange-looking one, too. It shouldn't have been able to grow in these conditions. I'd never seen anything like it before. Not that I'm a plant expert or anything.
This building was already falling apart—it was going to be destroyed sooner or later even without the fire. Just look at the maintenance, or lack thereof.
With one last bit of strength, I reached out and touched the little plant. It felt strangely comforting. Familiar, even. Like something I'd locked away a long time ago.
Suddenly I was six again, sitting in the back of our car. The fire seemed like a distant dream now— something I don't have to face. Even then I knew what I was doing, that this is just wishful thinking and my way of escaping reality by running away to simpler times.
My parents had taken me on a trip to the mountains. I wasn't particularly interested in going, but as a child, you don't get much say.
It was boring the whole way through. Dad was drunk and rambling about things, I don't remember what it was, while Mom nagged me about playing video games during the trip. After what felt like forever, we finally reached our destination—a forest near our hometown.
We walked around for a bit and reached the main attraction a big tree; Something straight out of a fantasy book: massive and majestic. I touched its root, reluctantly. I don't know why but as long I can remember I felt weird around trees and plants, that's why I moved to the concrete jungle after graduating. But that tree felt… different. Something I could never understand till now.
Now I'm all burned up and dying, and I feel that same sensation again.
I feel... life.
Is this what people mean when they say nature heals? Will I come back to life if I keep touching it? Will my burns go away?
I don't know. But I hope so.
I'm terrified of dying. I'm terrified of living, too. But maybe... just maybe, I can keep going. Maybe it'll be alright. Right?
Or maybe it's better if I just die. Honestly, living through all that crap wasn't exactly worth it. I don't want to relive that again.
Why did I even try to rescue that girl? Did I think I'd go to heaven if I did that? Even though I don't believe in that stuff? Heaven and Hell was all here right in front of our eyes. I'm sure of it, because I know I was in hell.
As those thoughts circled in my head, my vision faded.
I couldn't see anymore. My body had given out a while ago, and now, my mind was slipping too. It's a miracle that I survived this long.
I heard the rescue squad's stylishly late arrival as everything went dark.
I passed out—still holding that little sprout in my hand.
And then, I was dead.
I felt stuck. Stuck somewhere unfamiliar like in some small tunnel. It wasn't a comfortable feeling being stuck like this. I felt sick.
Finally, my head came out from wherever I was stuck. I think there's something on my face? I couldn't tell. It's surprising that I can even feel my skin after getting burned like that.
Then I started hearing cries. Actually, calling them "cries" would be an understatement—it was definitely someone screaming.
Am I in a hospital?
I vaguely remember the rescue squad arriving before I lost consciousness. This is a welcome development—I haven't felt this optimistic in years.
As I thought about my survival, the screaming stopped.
And I felt freer than ever. I felt a warm cloth on my face, wiping it gently. It felt nice… but something was missing... something very big and important.
I couldn't move my body.
Well, considering the state I was in, it's a miracle that I even survived. Let's celebrate the small wins.
Then I started hearing people talking.
It was strange. I didn't recognize the language—they weren't speaking any language from my region.
Was I in such bad shape they had to transfer me to another country?
Oh—I can open my eyes now.
The light hits them sharply, making me wince.
How bad is my condition? How long have I been asleep to react this strongly to light?
After a little while, my eyes adjust, and I'm finally able to keep them open.
Things are still a bit blurry, but I can make out two people. They seem to be smiling... I think? It's hard to tell.
I tried to speak.
"Uwaahhhh…"
Huh? What? What just… happened?
No, no, no, no. Let's try that again.
I tried to speak again, properly this time.
"Uwaahhhh…"
...No. This can't be what I think it is. Right?
Yeah. That's right. I've reincarnated.
Cue the laugh track.
Hahahahaha.
No, seriously—this blows. Fortunately I'm still a boy, so there's your silver lining. I don't want to have severe body dysmorphia than what I already feel.
Well, it's not like I had any unfinished business in my old life. Starting a new one is great, too. But I wish I didn't have all these stupid memories from the last one.
As I was pondering life, an adult man came and picked me up.
He was handsome, with golden-blond hair. He smiled at me, his emerald-colored eyes focused intently on my face. He's going to make me blush.
Oh my god... Is this my new dad? He's so handsome. I wish I could be that handsome.
He said something. I couldn't recognize the language, but maybe he was naming me? It kind of felt that way, I don't know why.
Then, he passed me to a gorgeous woman—honestly, I've never seen anyone that beautiful in my past life. Her silver hair was a little ruffled, probably from childbirth. Her diamond clear eyes gazed at me with a smile.
I felt strangely safe with her… but also kind of uncomfortable, and it would become apparent why I felt it as she started taking off her top.
And suddenly, what greeted me... was her bare breast.
Wait—no… it couldn't be. You can't do this to me, not while I'm alive. Please kill me again....
After being breastfed, I was tucked into bed.
To think I have to go through that torture for the foreseeable future.
Well, nothing I can do about it now. Guess I'll suck it up—literally.
But something's strange. I saw another woman there,standing there with a big smile on her face. She's getting very intimate with my father. Hugging him and kissing him with a big smile on her face.
Does my father have a mistress?
I hope she won't bully me like in those novels I've read.
I could barely handle one mom in my past life—I'm seriously not ready for a stepmom.
It's been a few days since I reincarnated.
I'm being breastfed constantly. I don't see any other kids—no older siblings, no other babies.
I hadn't noticed it before—probably because I was still in shock from the reincarnation and mentally drained from all the breastfeeding—but it seems like I struck gold.
My family is rich.
Well, considering my dad has a mistress, I guess it should've been obvious that I'm some kind of noble or the son of a wealthy merchant.
Another thing I've noticed: this place feels like it's straight out of some old-timey historical drama.
Well, well, well… look who hit the cliché lottery.
Just throw in some magic, and you've got yourself a textbook isekai setup.
This is getting more ridiculous by the minute.
Haaa… I'm feeling sleepy. I guess even reincarnated souls need naps.
A few more weeks have passed.
Today's good news: I'm not being constantly breastfed anymore. Hallelujah.
Today's bad news: I'm still being breastfed.
My stepmother seems to be making an effort to spend time with me. She doesn't look threatening. I guess she doesn't hate me or anything. But her smiles somehow scares me, like she won't let me go if I cave.
Still, it's probably better not to get too attached—who knows how her attitude might shift once she has a child of her own?
I really don't want to end up as a scapegoat in some twisted noble household power struggle.
That said, she seems pretty close to my mom, so at least immediate drama doesn't seem likely.
…Wait.
Why am I just assuming my mom is the main wife and the other woman is the mistress? I'm getting too ahead of myself here.
I need more intel, but without knowing the language, that's impossible.
Another way is to observe others and look for instances when they're treated differently. But with my body tiring out after just moments of thinking, it's hard to do.
Sometimes, I forget these things and have to work my way back to just... forgetting again.
I've also become more used to being breastfed by my mother.
Is this the downside of being a baby? I don't like it very much. I even feel the sensation of pooping and pissing myself. As someone who was very cleanly in my past life this has been bothering me a lot.
I was always near my mother all the time. She smiles often when there's no one in the room and tries to talk to me about something. It's always uncomfortable to me to not say anything whenever another person tries to talk to me, even if they are complete strangers. So I guess learning this language can be my first goal in this new life.