Morning in Goblin Swamp.
I woke up to a familiar notification:
[Notice: Pregnancy Progress – 3 Confirmed]
[New Skill: Improvised Weapon Mastery Lv.2]
Still no fireball.
But now I could club a man to death with a wet fish if necessary.
Progress.
Then Ma Grugga stormed in.
Again.
"FROG PROPHET, YOU WATCH TOADS!"
I blinked.
"…why?"
"Because you Frog Prophet."
Of course.
Can't argue with logic like that.
The Toads
They weren't normal toads.
No.
These were Swamp Boomtoads.
A rare species that puff up when angry… and explode.
Like living grenades.
Covered in warts.
There were five of them.
Each the size of a melon.
All glaring at me with soulless, murder-hungry amphibian eyes.
System pinged.
[Quest: Babysit the Boomtoads]
[Reward: 100 EXP + Potential Partner (???) Bonus]
I didn't like how it said 'Potential Partner' after babysitting grenades.
But fine.
Problem 1: They're Horny
Boomtoads croak when happy.
Explode when angry.
And apparently… mate by headbutting each other.
The moment I turned around, two of them started headbutting.
BOOM
Small explosion.
Mud everywhere.
I staggered up, covered in slime.
System:
[Toad Casualty: 1/5]
Crap.
Problem 2: Hungry Boomtoads
I tried feeding them swamp bugs.
They demanded roasted swamp bugs.
I can't cook.
So I improvised.
I threw a bug into a nearby firepit.
It caught fire, shrieked, and turned crispy.
I tossed it to a toad.
It croaked happily.
Didn't explode.
Success.
Four more to go.
Then one of them ate a lit torch.
Its throat glowed.
I panicked.
Used Bubble Shield around it.
BOOM
Bubble contained it.
Skill MVP.
Problem 3: Mudnut's Revenge
While juggling suicidal amphibians, Mudnut and his Rockface goblins showed up.
He pointed at me.
"THIEF! GIVE BACK SHINY ROCK!"
I held up a toad.
"COME ANY CLOSER, I'LL THROW THIS."
He hesitated.
Then Blib (his idiot brother) threw a stick at me.
Big mistake.
The stick bonked the toad.
It puffed up.
Everyone dove for cover.
BOOM
Half the swamp turned to soup.
System pinged.
[Quest Complete: Babysit Boomtoads]
[Reward: +100 EXP]
[EXP: 230/1000]
[New Partner Option: Mudnut's Sister, Groba the Tree Hugger]
I blinked.
"…how?"
System:
'She thinks you're brave for playing with Boomtoads.'
Goddammit.
Aftermath
The swamp reeked of burnt mud and amphibian guts.
I returned to camp, charred, covered in warts, with one surviving Boomtoad under my arm.
Ma Grugga looked pleased.
"Good Frog Prophet."
System pinged.
[Skill Unlocked: Amphibious Intimidation Lv.1]
Now apparently I could scare animals.
Not a fireball, but it'd have to do.
That Night
I lay on my moss bed.
System pinged.
[Notice: Pregnancy Progress – 4 Confirmed]
I groaned.
"…this is my life now."
Boomtoad croaked next to me.
I stared at it.
"…if you explode in my sleep, I swear I'll roast your ghost."