Heer
The days were stretching into weeks, and the silence between us was like a cold wall I couldn't climb. I tried, again and again, to break through. To reach him. But each time, it felt like I was just hitting a wall. Carlos was slipping further and further away, and I was left, powerless, unable to pull him back.
I saw the way he looked at me—sometimes with that fleeting softness in his eyes, as if he wanted to be the man I saw in him. But other times, there was nothing but coldness. His heart seemed sealed off from me, locked behind a door I couldn't open.
What happened to the man who had promised me that he would protect me? What happened to the man who had once held me in his arms, telling me that he would never let anything hurt me?
Now, it felt like the only thing I was doing was watching him slowly destroy himself, and I couldn't stop it.
I couldn't stop the endless meetings. The late nights. The business deals that dripped with blood and lies. I couldn't stop the moments when I would see his face harden with something I didn't understand—something darker.
But what hurt the most was how he kept pushing me away. Every time I tried to get close, every time I tried to help, he shut me out more. It was as if my presence was a burden to him.
One evening, after an argument about yet another business deal he had refused to explain to me, I couldn't hold it in any longer. The tears that had been building up for days—weeks—finally spilled over.
I stood in the middle of our living room, my hands clenched into fists, my breath shaky. I couldn't breathe. Couldn't think.
"What are we doing, Carlos?" I whispered, the words heavy in the silence between us.
He was pacing, as he often did when he was upset. His face was twisted with frustration, and I saw the tightness in his jaw, the way his fingers gripped the edge of the coffee table like it was the only thing keeping him grounded.
But I couldn't just sit there anymore. I couldn't watch him spiral.
"Why won't you talk to me?" I asked, louder this time. "Why won't you let me in?"
He stopped abruptly, his eyes flickering toward me with a mixture of anger and something deeper. Something that looked like pain. He ran a hand through his hair, and I could see how his usual composure was cracking under the pressure.
"I'm trying to protect you," he said, his voice low, but there was an edge to it. "You don't understand what this world does to people. What I've done. What I have to do."
I shook my head, taking a step toward him.
"I know what this world does to people, Carlos," I said, my voice trembling with emotion. "I've seen it. I've felt it. But I'm not asking you to protect me from your world. I'm asking you to protect us—to protect us from what you're doing to yourself. I can't stand to watch you destroy yourself like this. And I can't stand the way you keep pushing me away."
He took a step back, his expression hardening again. I could see the walls going up, brick by brick, just as they always did when things got too real.
"You don't get it, Heer," he said, his voice breaking. "I can't be who you want me to be. I can't be the man you think I am. Not anymore."
And there it was. The truth I had been trying to deny. The truth I had feared.
Carlos was lost. And he didn't think there was any way back.
The words hurt more than I expected. I had hoped. I had believed that there was still a chance, some way for him to find redemption. But what if he didn't want it? What if he had already given up on himself?
I opened my mouth to say something—anything—to make him understand. But the words wouldn't come. The fear of losing him choked me, and all I could do was stand there, my heart pounding painfully in my chest.
Carlos's eyes softened for a brief moment, just enough for me to see the raw pain beneath the walls he had built. But then, just as quickly, he turned away, walking toward the door.
"Carlos, please…" I whispered, my voice barely audible as I reached out for him.
But he didn't turn around. He didn't stop.
Carlos
I could hear her. Her voice. The pain in it. But I couldn't stop. I couldn't let myself break down.
I had spent so long building this facade. So long convincing myself that I could handle this—handle everything—that I didn't know how to face her. To face the person I had become.
I had tried to protect her. I had tried to keep her safe from the horrors of my world. But no matter what I did, no matter how hard I tried, I knew that I was slowly losing her.
The anger, the guilt, the self-loathing—it was all consuming. I couldn't breathe, couldn't think without hearing the voices in my head telling me that I was unworthy of her. That I was unworthy of anyone.
"You don't understand, Heer," I said, my voice shaking as I turned to face her. "I can't be what you want. I can't be this man you see in me. Not when I'm drowning in everything I've done."
She stepped closer, her eyes pleading with me.
But I couldn't do it. I couldn't let myself believe that I was capable of redemption.
"You have to," she whispered. "You have to try."
And for a moment, I thought I could. I thought I could take her hand and walk away from it all. But then, the reality of my world, the weight of the blood on my hands, came crashing down.
I wasn't worthy of her love. I wasn't worthy of anything.
Heer
I watched him, helpless. The man I had come to love was slipping through my fingers, and no matter how much I reached out, no matter how much I begged, he kept pulling away.
I didn't understand. I didn't understand how someone could push away the one person who truly cared about them. I didn't understand how love could be so painful, so complicated.
But I did understand one thing: I couldn't let him go. Not like this. Not when he still had the chance to choose differently.
"Carlos," I whispered, my voice cracking. "Please. I'm begging you. Don't do this to us. Don't do this to yourself."
For a long moment, he just stood there, his back turned to me. And then, without a word, he walked out the door.
And I felt my world shatter.
Carlos
The sound of the door closing behind me was deafening. The weight of my decisions crushed me under its enormity. I had lost her. I had lost everything.