The sky had opened like a wound.
From the edge of a shattered sidewalk, Saitama looked up as alien ships streaked across the sky, weaving between skyscrapers like swarms of metal hornets.
Civilians screamed and ran past him, a woman clutching her dog, a man dragging a suitcase.
Somewhere overhead, Iron Man's repulsors whined as he pulled a sharp turn, plasma bolts lighting up the clouds behind him.
Saitama stood still, his grocery bag swinging in his hand.
Eggs. Cabbage. Udon noodles.
He let out a tired breath.
"Man... every time I try to shop in peace."
The sky erupted in flame as a Leviathan, a monstrous, armored alien worm, tore through a tower in the distance, glass and debris raining down in a shower of sparks.
Chitauri soldiers descended from gliders, flooding the streets like a plague.
And then came Gwenpool.
She burst out of a side alley in a flying leap, her sword glinting in the sun and a massive grin plastered on her face.
"OH MY GOSH IT'S HAPPENING!" she screamed mid-air, landing beside Saitama and spinning dramatically. "This is it! The original, iconic, final boss sequence of Phase One!"
Saitama blinked. "...Huh?"
Before he could question her further, Gwen Stacy flipped down onto a crushed yellow cab, immediately webbing two Chitauri to a lamp post.
"This is bad," she said, eyes darting toward the leviathan. "We're definitely not in Kansas."
Cindy landed behind her, crouched like a panther. "Okay, how do we explain this to Fury again? 'Sorry, Mr. One-Eyed Badass, we kinda... multiverse tripped?'"
Saitama adjusted his bag. "You guys deal with the small fry."
A moment later, the leviathan roared as it came barreling down 42nd Street.
Saitama crouched slightly. Then he jumped.
The street cracked beneath his feet as he launched into the air, a blur of yellow cape and blank expression. The Avengers, locked in mid-battle, paused to watch.
Tony Stark had just fired off a repulsor blast when the screen inside his helmet flickered.
"Whoa," he said. "Who the hell's that guy?"
"Which guy?" Steve grunted over the comms, blocking a Chitauri spear with his shield.
"The one punching up."
Tony zoomed in, just in time to see the bald man slam a fist into the leviathan's chin.
CRACK.
The creature crumpled. Its massive body coiled backward, metal plating buckling like foil. It twisted, smashed through two buildings, and crashed into the Hudson with a seismic thud.
Everyone went quiet for a second.
Bruce, halfway into his Hulk transformation, looked at the screen. "Did that guy just..."
"Yup," Tony replied. "One punch."
"Okay. That's new."
...
Midtown – Ten Minutes Later
The streets were chaos. Fires burned. Civilians were being evacuated. Alien wreckage covered everything.
And amidst it all, Gwenpool was posing dramatically atop an overturned taxi, sword raised triumphantly.
"I claim this realm in the name of comic book cameos!"
Cindy yanked her down by the collar. "Can you not draw more attention?!"
Too late.
A Quinjet hovered above. Rope lines dropped.
Seconds later, Captain America landed in a roll, shield in hand, flanked by Black Widow and Hawkeye.
Thor dropped from the sky like a meteor, lightning rippling off his shoulders. Bruce trudged in behind, still green and twice the size of everyone else.
The Avengers stared at the mismatched group in front of them.
Gwenpool waved cheerfully. "Hi! Big fan of all of you. Except Hawkeye. No offense."
Clint frowned. "None taken...?"
Natasha's gaze flicked to the massive crater where the leviathan had landed. Then to Saitama.
"You did that?"
Saitama nodded.
Steve tilted his head, watching him curiously. "You're not with SHIELD."
"Nope."
"Avengers?"
"...I don't know what that is."
Thor stepped forward, massive hammer still crackling.
"Thou art mighty indeed," he said, gesturing to the ruined remains of the leviathan. "By what power dost thou strike down such a beast?"
Saitama scratched his cheek. "Uh... I do 100 push-ups, 100 sit-ups, 100 squats, and run 10 kilometers every day."
A long pause.
Steve stared.
Tony squinted through his HUD.
Gwenpool leaned in. "It's not a joke. I read the manga. It's real."
Cindy facepalmed.
Bruce looked at the man, then at the bag in his hand. "...Are those eggs?"
"One cracked," Saitama said mournfully. "I hate when that happens."
...
A Few Streets Over – Makeshift Command Center
The group gathered around a S.H.I.E.L.D. projection table hastily rigged up in a coffee shop. Saitama sat awkwardly on a stool meant for toddlers. Gwenpool had stolen a latte.
Fury's face flickered on-screen.
"Who the hell are these people?" he demanded.
Gwenpool waved at the camera. "We're the Multiversal Misfits!"
"We are not calling ourselves that," Gwen Stacy muttered.
Natasha crossed her arms. "They're not hostile. Strange, but... helpful."
"They dropped a leviathan in a single hit," Steve said. "We can't ignore that."
Tony nodded. "I vote we let them stay. At least until we figure out what dimension their fashion sense came from."
Cindy glared. "I'll have you know my suit is custom nanoweave."
"And mine's a cosplayer's dream," Gwenpool said, sipping her drink.
"Do you guys have any idea how you got here?" Bruce asked.
"Nope," Saitama replied.
Gwenpool raised her hand. "Probably author interference."
(No Gwen, you just being paranoid)
"Yeah, sure thing P1anker, can you add more screen time of me and Saitama?"
(...if you behave, i might)
"Aw...."
Everyone turned to her.
"...Don't ask," she added quickly.
...
Nightfall – Stark Tower Rooftop
The city had quieted. Fires were out. The sky was dark again. S.H.I.E.L.D. agents combed the wreckage. Thor's cape fluttered in the wind as he stood at the edge of the rooftop.
Saitama leaned on the railing next to him.
"You strike true," Thor said. "But thy manner is... casual."
Saitama shrugged. "Not really exciting anymore."
Thor glanced at him. "You seek meaning?"
"I just wanted udon."
Thor chuckled. "Perhaps you shall find it in battle."
Saitama sighed. "I'm still hungry."
Down below, Gwenpool started another firework display, and Tony shouted from somewhere offscreen: "Hey! That's not a flare cannon!"
...
New York, still smoldering at the edges, buzzed with distant sirens and the low hum of emergency response drones.
Alien wreckage littered the streets, Leviathan chunks being dissected by SHIELD teams in hazmat suits.
But for one bizarre little pocket of calm in Lower Manhattan, there was... peace.
A battered sign above the window read: SHAWARMA PALACE.
Inside, the Avengers sat slumped around a too-small table, surrounded by chairs that didn't match.
The lights were flickering. The air conditioning was out. And there was a single, determined man behind the counter still roasting meat like his life depended on it.
Saitama sat between Steve and Thor, quietly chewing shawarma like this was just another Tuesday.
Cindy Moon leaned on her hand, poking her food with one chopstick. "It's... good. Surprisingly good."
Across from her, Gwenpool stuffed a giant bite into her mouth. "Mmmph. This is the best crossover meal I've ever had."
"You've had others?" Natasha asked, skeptical.
"Technically no, but I imagined them. Does that count?"
"Absolutely not" Clint muttered.
Spider-Gwen was upside-down on a ceiling beam, one leg swinging lazily as she munched her wrap. "Okay, can someone explain how Baldy over here nuked a giant space snake with one punch?"
Tony, looking exhausted and bruised, finally glanced up from his seat.
"Believe me, we've been trying to figure that out."
Bruce leaned forward slightly. "You're not gamma-irradiated, are you?"
"Nope," Saitama said between bites. "Just trained hard."
"He says that," Gwenpool chimed in, "but he also punched a meteor once and it exploded. Like poof. Gone. One second it was there, the next..."
"I think it was 5 month ago?" Saitama said blandly.
Steve blinked. "Wait, you've destroyed a meteor before?"
Gwen nodded rapidly. "It's in Volume 7!"
"...Volume what?"
She froze. "Oh no. I broke the fourth wall again."
(Writing you is such a headache)
"Aw c'mon bro~, i know you like me, that's why you add me in right?"
(Should've gone for Deadpool instead)
There was an awkward silence.
Saitama reached for the hot sauce.
Thor, contentedly eating his third wrap, grinned and slammed his goblet on the table (even though it was just a plastic soda cup). "A feast after battle! Just as in the tales of old. Midgardian cuisine pleases me."
"Pretty sure you said it tasted like wet cloth earlier" Clint muttered under his breath.
Thor ignored him.
"So..." Steve began, folding his hands. "Now that the city's not actively exploding, what are your plans?"
Cindy looked at Gwenpool.
Gwenpool looked at Saitama.
Saitama took another bite. "I dunno. Go home?"
"We don't have a home," Gwen Stacy pointed out. "His apartment landed in an abandoned warehouse district. The toilet's still stuck to the ceiling."
"It is," Cindy nodded solemnly. "I used the sink this morning."
Natasha looked over at Tony. "Could we house them temporarily? SHIELD containment won't work. They'll just punch through it."
Tony rolled his eyes. "Fine. But if Gwenpool installs another hot tub in my lab, I'm sending her back to wherever she came from."
Gwenpool gasped. "That was ONE time!"
"And it flooded three floors."
"I don't recall it being that bad"
Later That Night
The group spilled out onto the sidewalk. The air was cool, fresh after the burnt ozone of alien warfare.
Steve turned to Saitama. "You really don't want anything?"
Saitama thought for a moment. "If you have udon... maybe."
"We'll put it on the list," Tony said, waving dismissively. "Come by the tower tomorrow. We'll figure things out."
Bruce raised an eyebrow. "Figure out what, exactly?"
Tony smirked. "How a guy with a shiny head and a grocery list took out our final boss before we could even get a team-up shot."
Saitama blinked. "Final boss?"
"It's a whole thing," Gwenpool whispered. "There was even a camera spin..."
They walked into the night, some flying, some swinging, some simply walking, and for the first time in a while, the fate of the world didn't feel quite so heavy.
And somewhere high above, in the still-burning remnants of a Chitauri ship, something small glowed softly... watching them.
But that's a story for later.
.
.
.
.
(Who should i ship Saitama with? I kinda want it feel like in the manga, he and Fubuki, Tatsumaki,...)
"How about me, Gwen and Cindy?"
(Idk about that... you and Gwen are basically the same person, Cindy is just.... Cindy....)
"....let's go with me, i like him anyway"
(Look, i do like you but you're abusing your power too much)
"You gave it to me, i'll use it of course~"
(...you got too much screen time this chap, next one ain't the same)
"WHAT!? No! You meanie!"