---
At sunrise, Azure Sky Sect's outer arena was packed.
Disciples, elders, flying ducks, and a traveling melon vendor gathered to witness the duel of the century—or at least the weirdest Wednesday event since the "Exploding Gourd Incident."
Lin Feng stood in the center of the dueling platform, nervously holding a rice spoon. It had a tiny crack in the handle and sparkled with absolutely zero spiritual energy.
"I should've brought a weapon," he muttered.
"You are holding one," Bai Xue hissed from the sidelines.
"It's for rice, Bai Xue!"
She pinched the bridge of her nose. "Then may the rice gods have mercy."
A loud screech shattered the sky as a blood-red crane descended, carrying a tall, grim figure wrapped in battle robes lined with black steel.
He jumped off and landed with enough force to send shockwaves through the tiles.
"I am Wu Tian of Crimson Shadow Sect!" he bellowed. "Champion of Thirteen Slaughters! Breaker of Mountains! And once, briefly, a part-time pastry chef!"
Lin Feng blinked. "Pastry chef?"
Wu Tian growled. "Do not mock my scones!"
Lin Feng raised his rice spoon in surrender. "Never! I respect baked goods."
Wu Tian drew his massive broadsword, black as obsidian and twice as moody. "Then let us fight! And may your ancestors have dental insurance!"
With a roar, Wu Tian dashed forward, sword raised, spiritual energy blazing like a volcano on caffeine.
Lin Feng yelped and threw the first thing he had.
The rice spoon.
It flew through the air, spinning like a humble plastic meteor.
THWACK.
It hit Wu Tian directly on the nose.
The cultivator stumbled. "Ow—what in the name of fiery dumplings—?!"
He tripped on his own momentum, slipped on a loose tile, and face-planted into the arena floor with a tremendous BOOM.
Silence.
Even the melon vendor stopped chewing.
Wu Tian groaned from the crater. "I… yield…"
Lin Feng blinked. "Wait… I won?"
The Flame Duck quacked in triumph, flapping its wings dramatically.
The crowd erupted in stunned applause.
"He defeated the Crimson Shadow Champion with a spoon!" "He didn't even activate a single technique!" "Is this… some advanced form of anti-combat philosophy?!"
Elder Yun stroked his beard. "This young man… he transcends normal cultivation. He is… chaos incarnate."
Lin Feng, dazed, was handed a massive trophy shaped like a flaming skull riding a horse made of clouds.
He held it up. "Does this come with snacks?"
Bai Xue buried her face in her hands.
---
Back in the Sect Hall…
Lin Feng lounged on his absurdly plush elder seat, wearing a new robe embroidered with spoons and ducks.
Bai Xue paced.
"You humiliated the Crimson Shadow Sect. Now they're sending a delegation to negotiate your existence."
"Tell them I come in peace," Lin Feng said, biting into a dumpling. "And also in mild confusion."
A portal suddenly ripped open behind him.
From it stepped a cloaked woman with glowing eyes and a golden spear.
"Elder Lin Feng," she said, bowing. "The Heavenly Bureau of Cosmic Balance has taken notice of your… influence."
Lin Feng choked on his dumpling. "I what now?"
She pulled out a scroll. "By order of the Celestial Accord, you are hereby summoned… to the Divine Tournament of Sects."
Flame Duck dropped its teacup.
Bai Xue gasped. "That's the highest-level competition in the continent! Only monsters and geniuses go there!"
Lin Feng raised a trembling hand. "Do they… serve rice?"
The woman gave a solemn nod. "Only the finest."
Lin Feng stood up, heroic music seemingly playing from nowhere. "Then I accept. For rice. For honor. For… whatever this is."
The Demon King sighed. "We're all going to die, aren't we?"