I thought my life was ending the first two months after knowing. The third month I was numb. Then it finally clicked. I needed to heal and I wasn't going to do that stuck here. It needs to end and I don't need to wait for it to happen when I can take action. Four months ago in January I found that the man I loved for 3 years had changed. Now change isn't always a bad thing, but the thing that changed him sure wasn't a good thing. You see, a year back he got a new coworker at work. They had lots in common and so when they became friends I wasn't scared that she was a woman, nor was I scared that things would go awry in my relationship. Then the change. Less time together, no more good morning and good night kisses, sneaky phone calls and messages, basically all the typical red flags. At first I brushed it off, I mean come on, we all do. Then the slamming truth came when I got the message from his other work friend. Others had picked up on their closeness and were concerned things were happening behind my back. It grew to the point of not being able to brush it off. If I'm being honest I knew it was coming awhile back and maybe if I had acted before things would have been different. I let it drag on for three months after seeing them kiss. The first two months I'd cry and cry. The funny thing is he never even noticed my tears. The third month it felt like we were roommates more than anything. There were no more tears, but there was also nothing else. Just numbness. Constant thoughts of what if. What could have changed, why did it happen, was it me. And then one night laying there by his side while he texted her, it all clicked. It's time to leave.
"Let's have sex." I blurted it before I could stop myself. He dropped his phone and had one of the funniest bewildered looks on his face. I couldn't stop myself from laughing.
"You're acting so weird. What is going on with you?"
"Let's have break up sex and call it quits."
"You're funny. You kinda need to break up to have break up sex."
"I know. This is me breaking up with you. Do you want to have sex?"
"What the fuck Nil, that's not a funny joke."
"I'm not joking. You know it and so do I that we've grown apart and you already have someone else so let's break up. But call me selfish. I want one more time where you belong to me before I let you go for good."
"God is she what this is about? Don't overreact. We're just friends."
"You're funny. Even if that were true, you're no longer the man I love. Before you interrupt me, no there is not anyone else. Even if there was, it wouldn't matter anymore. We've drifted so far from where we were happy and we both let it happen. So take all that anger of lack of control in this situation and let's have sex."
"You want sex. Fine. Take. It. Off."
You see, I'm not gonna lie. That sentence coupled with his angry face was hot as hell. Call me crazy, but hey I've held back this whole time we've dated. You see I am what you could say, kinky. Whereas James is not. He usually is the caring and gentle type. Now there's nothing wrong with that, after a long day that's the type of sex I'd want. But sometimes when I'm pent up, I'd love to have rough sex. Spank me, choke me, pound me as hard as you can, but James never wanted to try that. So I had let it go and only got over it by reading about it in my spicy romance books.
Now back to the best night of my life. After I was thoroughly stripped, he flipped me onto my stomach and with only a few thrusts of his fingers, he shoved his full length in. It hurt, but god did it turn me on. I couldn't hold it back.
"Please. God please spank me!"
"Oh, the little whore wants to be spanked. Fuck it fine if that's what the bitch wants."
One, two, three… Fuck I think I'm going to burst. My ass was stinging and completely red before he turned me and threw my leg over his shoulder so he could go deeper. And like that we both came several times and tried several different positions. The sun was already starting to peak over the horizon when we finished our breakup sex session.
As we laid there, he turned to me.
"Let's stay together."
"What?"
"I'll stop with her, but let's stay together."
"Well proud of you to admit it and glad the sex was good, but just because the sex was great doesn't mean all the other problems were magically fixed. I should start getting myself and stuff together."
"Why can't they be fixed? Why can't we try again?"
"Why couldn't we do that before things got this far? Look it's gonna be a change, but we're both gonna be fine. But I'm not staying with you. You hurt me and didn't respect me enough to end things or fix things before going to someone else. And I'm not innocent. I should have respected myself enough to stand up and set boundaries. We both need to work on ourselves, but I know that I can't do that with you. So thank you for teaching me many things and one day I know I'll be able to forgive you, but today is not that day. So I'll gather my stuff today and be out of here before you get home."
"Nil, please. It's just so sudden."
I gave him a look that said it all. Boy this was not sudden at all. Instead of saying anything else, I got dressed and walked to the bathroom to wash and get ready for the long day of packing ahead of me. I said enough, it's time to act. Now where to start. I'm gonna need a place to stay and someone to help me move. And I've got the perfect person in mind to help me with both problems. Sarah Wells.
After several hours of me ignoring him, James finally left for work. I was actively packing a box when I heard a loud truck horn blaring down the street. That could be only one person. My best friend. I walked to the doorway to watch Sarah jump out of a giant moving truck and come bouncing up the driveway with two cups of coffee and a sign that said "Hooray the loser is finally gone!" I couldn't help the smile that came to my face. Only Sarah could be this happy during a time like this.
"Here you go."
"Thanks." I said as I grabbed the coffee cup and took a swig just to spit it out again.
"What the fuck. That's just straight alcohol Sarah."
"Oh hun I know. I was the one that put it in there. Don't worry, mine is just coffee."
"Great, I wasn't worried until you said it." She just shrugged her shoulders and walked inside making sure to prop the sign somewhere James would see it when he got home. I just shook my head and chuckled. She may be crazy, but that's why I loved her. After following her in we quickly got to work packing boxes and putting them in the truck.
"Are you sure it's alright I live with you for a bit?"
"Am I sure? Girl I've been asking for a girl sleepover for how long now? You should be more worried about me letting you move out later. Maybe I won't. I'll just lock you in the basement."
"Sometimes you say things that really make me second guess my life choices."
"Pshhh, just get in the truck." And so I did.
After moving in with Sarah, I threw myself into my work. I actively moved up the chain in the cyber security department.