The morning sun painted the cathedral walls gold as High Priest Roland unfurled the ancient scroll with trembling hands. The parchment smelled faintly of campfire smoke – a detail no one noticed.
"Behold!" His voice echoed through the hall. "The Black Scripture foretells it! The Demon Lord shall rise in seven days!"
Gasps rippled through the congregation. Knights clutched their swords. In the back row, a certain E-rank adventurer yawned loudly before remembering to feign terror.
I really outdid myself with that handwriting, Satoru mused, watching the chaos unfold. That "ancient" ink stain took three tries to get right.
The guild hall buzzed with nervous energy when Satoru slouched in. Adventurers huddled around the job board, whispering about the prophecy.
"Oi, Twig!" A hulking warrior slammed a tankard before him. "Fetch me a refill!"
Satoru blinked owlishly. "S-Sure thing!"
As he reached for the mug, his fingers "slipped," sending ale splashing across the warrior's lap. The liquid shimmered gold mid-air.
"WHAT THE—" The brute stared at his now-gilded trousers. "THIS TASTES LIKE—" Clink. His teeth knocked against golden fillings.
Chaos erupted. Satoru melted into the crowd, whistling.
Trumpets blared. The guild doors burst open to reveal Lumina, the Hero, her golden hair catching the light like a cheap novel's protagonist.
"I heed the prophecy!" She thrust her sword dramatically. "I shall defeat the Demon Lord!"
Satoru clapped louder than anyone. That's the sword I left in that cave last week, he noted with pride. The "ancient" inscription reading Chosen One had been particularly inspired.
Their eyes met. Lumina's gaze lingered just a second too long.
"You there!" She pointed at Satoru. "Join my party!"
The guild fell silent.
"Who, me?" Satoru pointed behind himself. "No no, I'm just—"
Guildmaster Elise shoved him forward. "Take him. He's useless, but he's cheap."
The "goblin extermination" should have been simple.
But the creatures waiting in the forest wore crude armor. Their eyes glowed crimson. One casually uprooted a tree.
"Since when do goblins have demonic enhancements?!" Garrik the dwarf bellowed, barely parrying a blow that cracked his shield.
Lumina's sword flashed. "Shin, stay back!"
Satoru obliged by tripping over his own feet. "I'm so scared!"
Let's make this interesting, he thought. A subtle finger twitch adjusted reality:
Lumina's wild swing "miraculously" cleaved three monsters
Sybil's fizzling fireball suddenly exploded like a meteor
Garrik's failed block somehow became a perfect counter
When the dust settled, the party stood victorious – breathing hard, weapons dripping with black blood.
"That was... lucky," Sybil muttered, eyeing Satoru suspiciously.
He responded by sneezing violently into his sleeve.
Deep underground, crimson-robed figures huddled around a scrying pool.
"Did you see? The Hero's party survived the corruption beasts!"
"No." The cult leader's bone mask gleamed. "He survived. The one who moves wrong."
The pool's image zoomed in on Satoru – currently pretending to vomit behind a tree while secretly sketching plans for a "legendary" dungeon.
"Find him," the leader whispered. "The Shadow God walks among us."
By campfire light, Lumina studied her "Chosen Blade." The engraving seemed... fresher than expected.
"Shin." She caught him tossing dice alone. "We survived because of you, didn't we?"
Satoru blinked. "Huh? I just cried and hid!"
Lumina opened her mouth – when a bloodcurdling roar split the night.
On the horizon, a black-armored figure emerged. The Demon Lord's hollow eyes burned with familiar amusement.
Right on schedule, Satoru thought, already drafting tomorrow's "prophecy" in his mind.
As Lumina shouted orders, he "accidentally" dropped his notebook. The open page read:
Day 2 Observation: Hero still oblivious. Maybe add a dragon tomorrow?