"Wait, just a moment! A.A.!"
"Please, wait!"
Calm down. They say even in a tiger's den, you survive if you keep your wits. If A.A. loses her temper here, I'm dead for sure. That morally bankrupt elf princess wouldn't side with me even if she accused me of something. Both Erina and I called out to A.A., who tilted her head in confusion.
"What's wrong?"
Karin looked at me, puzzled. I forced myself to stay calm. Erina was already sweating like rain. I've always thought she's terrible at lying. I had to smooth this over before Erina blurted out something stupid.
"Now, Hero, listen. A woman's purity is relative, right? Isn't that so?"
"What are you talking about? Erina said she's never been with anyone but me."
"Exactly. By the golem's standards, Princess Erina might not be pure anymore."
"What?"
A.A.'s expression turned openly annoyed. Anyone would be upset if someone said, "Your girlfriend might not be a virgin." I spoke carefully.
"So, the golem's so strict it might think she's impure just for holding hands or hugging someone, right?"
"That's... "
"Purity is judged by virginity."
A deep, rumbling voice echoed as the golem spoke. Is this thing an AI? A.A. glanced at the golem, then back at me. She was smiling.
"That's right. Erina, come here. It's a bit embarrassing to admit to the priest, but Erina and I... we've never done *that* yet."
"Now, wait, Hero. We can't be sure."
"What do you mean, priest?"
"Yeah, A.A.! Maybe *I'm* not a virgin!"
What the hell is she saying? While A.A. and I were talking, Erina interrupted, sweating buckets. Both A.A. and I stared at her, baffled. A.A. looked as shocked as someone hearing their girlfriend was pregnant before marriage.
"Erina?"
A.A.'s voice trembled. Erina wiped the sweat from her forehead, rambling incoherently.
"I-I mean, I'm not saying I'm *not* a virgin... but... maybe I'm not! I mean... it could've... disappeared without me knowing! And... standards differ, right? Anyway, it's dangerous for *me* to go! That's it!"
I had to end this before she blurted out something like, "I'm the elf kingdom's biggest slut!" again. Life's a tragedy up close, a comedy from afar. If this weren't my problem, I'd be eating popcorn and watching. But if things went wrong, A.A. might start swinging her sword. I couldn't die over a slut joke.
"Hero, let's talk over there for a moment."
I pulled A.A. to a corner. I signaled Erina to shut up with a glance, and she nodded nervously. Karin just stood there, clueless.
"Hero, women have their secrets, right?"
"Yes, I agree."
"Everyone wants to look good for the person they love most. Isn't that so?"
"Yes, that's true."
"Princess Erina loves you the most. That's obvious, right?"
"Yes."
"So, Hero, think logically. Calm down. If she's refusing to go in there, it's because she's had... some history with someone else, right?"
"What?"
A.A. frowned seriously. Even scowling, her face was still stunning. I continued.
"I mean, hypothetically. Everyone has secrets they want to hide. Elves live longer than you. It's natural for Erina to have met someone in all that time."
"But..."
"Would you abandon her if she wasn't pure, Hero? She truly loves you. The past doesn't matter. Haven't you ever loved someone before, A.A.?"
"That's... "
"Hero, please be understanding. Let her keep her past hidden. She's devoted to you now."
"Do you know her past, priest?"
"I don't. But some secrets make relationships more beautiful, don't you think?"
"I guess I was being narrow-minded."
I patted A.A.'s shoulder. Erina still looked anxious but pretended to be calm. Her legs were trembling. I clapped to get everyone's attention.
"Alright, the pure one will be our Hero."
"What?"
A.A. looked confused. I replied.
"A woman who's never had sex. That's you, right? I'm married, so I can't, and it'd be rude to ask the knight about... that."
"Understood."
A.A. nodded and stepped forward. Erina tapped my arm nervously.
"What if... what if I *was* a virgin..."
"Princess, please shut up."
The golem's eyes glowed blue again. It scanned A.A. with laser-like beams. After a long moment, it spoke.
"You are worthy to open the door."
The golem stepped aside, revealing a massive door. We rushed to A.A.'s side.
"Hero, are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine."
A.A. cautiously opened the door. It swung open easily, shedding stone debris. Another staircase lay below, lit by torches.
"Who set this up?"
The skeletons suggested no one had been here in ages, yet the torches burned like they'd just been lit. We decided to descend further.
As we walked down the long staircase, casual conversation flowed. Behind us, A.A. and Erina talked.
"I'm sorry, Erina."
"W-what do you mean, A.A.? You have nothing to apologize for! It's me who couldn't face that danger..."
"I misunderstood you."
"What?"
"I won't ask about your past. No matter what, you're my other half now."
"Oh... oh..."
Erina was on the verge of tears. Please don't confess to having sex with me. My heart raced. Even if A.A. forgave her past, that was before she met A.A. If Erina said she got pregnant while A.A. was away, even a saint would draw their sword. My legs trembled slightly.
"Priest, you don't look well."
Karin spoke. I jumped, replying.
"Oh, did it show? No, it's just the light making me look pale."
"If you're unwell, I have emergency medicine."
Offering medicine to a priest was absurd, but this bluntness was Karin's charm in the game. The world's strongest hero, yet she'd gladly fight in the frontlines. The stoic knight had both a big heart and... other assets.
"I know I packed it... oh."
Karin dropped something from her pouch. A small cloth-wrapped object fell to the ground.
"A potato peeler?"
It was a potato peeler. The kind used in kitchens. Karin picked it up, shaking her head.
"It's not a peeler."
"Not a peeler?"
"It's a tool for torturing criminals. I peel their skin off layer by layer."
"Jesus..."
Crazy woman. I barely held back my curse, remembering the bloody meat in the basement. Why bring that here?
"Why bring that? This is just a dungeon exploration."
"There might be looters. I need to find out if they committed other crimes."
"So you'd skin looters here? Isn't looting just a jail sentence?"
"I have a duty to uncover any other crimes."
I decided to stop talking to Karin. She rummaged through her pouch, looking disappointed.
"Apologies. I must've left the medicine behind."
She brought the peeler but not the medicine. I shook my head. If I committed a crime in front of her, I'd end up red, not just a blonde elf. We reached the second basement level, where another golem stood.
The only differences were fewer corpses and a cleaner golem. Its specs were the same. Virginity again? As we stepped forward, the golem's eyes glowed.
"Only the pure and kind-hearted may open the door."
A.A. and Karin looked at me. Erina smirked. This was easy to explain. I nudged A.A., saying.
"The Hero's perfect for this."
"What? But I..."
"You've always loved one woman with a pure heart and fought righteously against the Demon King. I think it should be you."
Before A.A. could object, I pushed her forward.
The golem scanned her again. After a moment, it spoke.
"You are worthy to open the door."
The golem stepped aside, revealing another door—cleaner and sturdier than the last. Erina glared at me. I shrugged. Honestly, A.A. and I could've done this alone.