Yamete Kimochi woke up with his face pressed against the ground, which had apparently decided to switch its texture from grass to green office carpet overnight. In front of him, GLich-chan was happily playing with error messages like playing cards, stacking them into a house of cards that collapsed every three seconds.
"Good morning, Sleeping Beauty!" GLich-chan twirled, kicking scattered error notifications aside. "Great news! We've got an exciting quest today!"
Yamete rubbed his still-sandy eyes. "If it's another bridge-fixing quest, I'd rather jump into the void."
"Even better!" GLich-chan rubbed her hands together eagerly. "We're gonna slay a monster!"
A quest window popped up:
[New Quest: "Defeat the Glitched Golem"]
- Description: Somehow, a frustrated programmer slipped a secret boss code into this game. Now the creature roams the Glitched Forest, consuming memory and causing stack overflows.
- Reward: New cheat skill! (Assuming it doesn't crash again)
Yamete frowned. "What's a 'stack overflow'?"
"Imagine the monster as that one coworker who keeps asking 'where's the save button?' until your computer explodes."
"...I hate that."
---
The journey to the Glitched Forest was eventful:
1. Yamete tried to summon his sword from inventory but got a glowing rice spoon instead.
2. GLich-chan sneezed and accidentally activated night mode for the entire area, turning everything dark purple for five minutes.
3. A 90% transparent rabbit jumped through Yamete's chest, making him gasp as if he'd been stabbed.
"Can we be serious for once?" Yamete asked while trying to detach the spoon now stuck to his hand.
"Nope~" GLich-chan sang. "But look! The boss is right there!"
Behind trees that sometimes resembled Windows 95 logos, a massive shadow moved.
---
The Glitched Golem was no ordinary monster. Its body consisted of:
- 40% normal 3D golem model
- 30% running error code
- 20% missing textures (gaping voids in its form)
- 10% misplaced HTML tags
The creature roared, sounding like a dying 56k modem.
Yamete pulled up his cheat menu with trembling hands:
1. Freeze Value (3 seconds)
2. Damage Boost (5 minutes/day)
3. Item Dupe (50% corrupt rate)
"Pathetic options," he muttered.
"But enough to start!" GLich-chan gave a thumbs-up. "I'll support from here!" She hid behind a suddenly materialized rock.
---
Yamete charged while activating "Damage Boost". His spoon-sword glowed red.
'Slash!'
The spoon pierced the Golem's shoulder... then got stuck.
"WHAT?!" Yamete yanked at it, but the weapon model was now locked inside the monster.
The Golem looked at the spoon embedded in its shoulder, then at Yamete.
Slowly, the monster plucked out the spoon and... ate it.
"THAT WAS MY INVENTORY—"
The Golem chewed happily before spitting out an error message:
'Critical Error: Spoon.EXE has stopped working'
GLich-chan shouted advice from afar: "Try another cheat!"
---
Yamete activated "Freeze Value" on the Golem's HP.
For three precious seconds:
- The Golem froze
- Yamete bashed it with a rock
- On the third hit, the rock turned into a goldfish
When the effect ended, the Golem was furious. Extremely furious.
The monster began spewing random lines of code from its mouth, including:
- NullReferenceException
- MissingNo. has appeared!
- Please update your graphics driver
GLich-chan suddenly appeared on Yamete's shoulder. "I've got an idea! Duplicate something useful!"
---
Yamete picked up another rock and activated "Item Dupe".
'Poof!'
Now there were two rocks. One normal, the other...
"Why does this one have a face?" Yamete stared at the rock now sporting cartoon eyes and a smile.
GLich-chan cheered. "Random encounter! It could be a friend or foe. Just throw it!"
Yamete hurled the Headed Rock.
'CRASH!'
The rock expanded mid-air before hitting the Golem and...
'Blue Screen of Death'
The Golem's entire body flashed blue before beginning to crash piece by piece, starting from its feet.
GLich-chan yanked Yamete's arm. "RUN! IT'S GONNA EXPLODE!"
---
They sprinted away just as a massive shockwave rattled the ground. Yamete turned to see the Golem explode into millions of pixels before being sucked into a small vortex that announced:
"Defragmentation complete."
Quest updated:
[Quest Complete: "Defeat the Glitched Golem"]
- Reward: New Cheat Unlocked - "Clip Through Walls" (Duration: 1 second, Cooldown: 1 hour)
Yamete collapsed onto the ground. "I hate everything."
But GLich-chan was already dancing around. "So cool! Now you can clip like a speedrunner!"
In the distance, the sound of a 56k modem resurfaced.
Yamete looked up. "What's that?"
GLich-chan froze. "Uh oh."
From the pixelated mist, two glowing red eyes emerged.
Yamete glanced at his nearly useless new cheat, then at GLich-chan.
"Run?"
"RUN!"