I dreamed of my family.
We were in the living room.
My mother was in the kitchen, humming a tune from my childhood I had almost forgotten.
My father sat in his chair, hidden beneath a rustling newspaper, trying to ignore my sister darting around the room, her laughter mixing with the exasperated sounds of my twin brother.
I wasn't there. I stood apart from them, as if watching through the other side of a mirror. Separated.
But that was okay. Just seeing them again was enough for me. I could've spent the rest of my life like this, and it'd be a better one than the life I was living currently.
Then, my mother turned to me, and before I knew it, I was in front of her. As if her warm gaze had summoned me into the scene.
"You know the secret to good food, Resh?" she asked with a radiant smile.
Her dark hair framed her face in soft waves, just the way I remembered it before I joined the army. Before my life had begun to turn to shit, back in the good days when I was too young to notice the struggle of our lives.
How each day we danced on the brink of utter poverty.
"No, Mom," I whispered, my voice thick with emotion.
Her smile widened, radiant with warmth and love. "The secret, Resh, is people. Not spices, not expensive cuts of meat. Anyone can have those. But to share a meal with people you love—that's what turns even the most humble dish into a feast you'll never forget. That kind of food makes the gloom a little weaker, the day a little brighter, and your heart just a little bit warmer."
I barely heard her words, lost in the sheer impossibility of her presence, in the way her voice felt like a blanket against the cold void I had carried for so long.
I reached for her, desperate, but invisible hands pulled me back, forcing me away from where I didn't belong.
"No! I want to stay! I don't wanna go!" I cried, wrestling against the unseen force. But it was too late.
The living room dissolved into darkness, and my mother watched me go. Her gaze was the last thing to fade. It was so utterly warm. It held absolute trust, as if she knew—no matter what—I would do the right thing.
———
I woke up with a pounding headache.
The first thing I realized was that my hands were bound behind my back. My vision swam as I tried to make sense of the darkness that engulfed me.
"Well, well."
A deep, rich voice broke through my thoughts. I couldn't see him, but I knew who he was. I could hear it in the tone brimming with arrogance and power. In the way dread seemed to rise up in my chest as he spoke.
It was Judas's monster in the dark.
The Boss.
A chuckle slithered from the shadows. "So tell me, Reshi," the voice continued, amused. "What have you done with my wife and child?"
'What?'
The words slammed into me.
My breath hitched.
'His wife and child? No. That wasn't what Mary said. She told me he was her Boss not husband.'
'Doesn't it matter?'
It didn't. No matter who this bastard was, it was clear from the way they acted. Who he was, what he had done to them, it was still the truth. Those types of scars couldn't be faked.
"I don't know who you're talking about."
The Boss ignored me, continuing as if I hadn't spoken.
"I looked into you, you know, Reshi. Wasn't hard. I've got some good clients in the army. It seems you're quite the hero, aren't you?" His tone was light, almost playful, but every word made my stomach churn.
I swallowed the sickness rising in my throat. "Don't talk about that."
He chuckled. "Oh? Why not? You were a decorated soldier. A scholarship to medical school, too. You were on your way to greatness, Reshi. That is, before your family died…murder is terribly gruesome don't you think?"
I froze. The room seemed to tilt around me.
"Reshi," he sighed, almost pitying. "Tell me if I'm wrong. But you keep hitting the same brick wall, don't you? First, it was your friends in the army. Then, your family. And now…it's going to be my family."
The words crawled beneath my skin, kindling the doubts I already held.
"Everyone you come to care about dies, and you always fail to save them. So..why not cut to the chase this time. Give them up before that happens." His voice was silk and steel. "Before you get them killed of course. You know you will. You always do."
I lowered my head, shutting my eyes closed as the doubts suddenly gained voices within my mind. My worst fears resurfacing as his words seemed to press down on me like a physical weight.
He was right. No matter what he had done, it didn't change the truth.
I had failed. Over and over again. A repeating theme throughout my life.
'And this time?' A small voice whispered in my mind.
'What's the difference this time?'
Nothing.
Sooner or later, I would fail Mary and Judas, too.
No—I realized with sinking certainty—I already had.
The Boss's voice grew stronger, feeding off the doubt curling around my heart.
"Give them to me, Reshi, and they'll be safe. Safer than they are with you. Give them to me, and I'll let them live. If I find them on my own…" His voice dropped, laced with quiet cruelty. "They'll die. Slowly…screaming your name."
A tremor ran through me. This wasn't right. It didn't make sense. If he was this powerful, why hadn't he found them already?
"Who are you?" I whispered, my throat dry.
The man snorted. "Give them to me, Reshi. Before it's too late. Before you fail…again."
A low bitter laugh tore through my throat. I could feel it now, without a doubt. That cold, draining darkness curling around me like smoke.
"Give them up. Leave it behind. Are they worth it? Do it now before it's too late."
I had always planned to let them go. One way or another, I had planned to rid myself of them. That bliss was only ever going to be temporary.
Maybe this way, they'd survive. Maybe, in a way, I was saving them from the fate that would undoubtedly await them if they stayed with me.
I turned my head away, quieting the voices of reason that tried to warn me.
"In my flat. 33AD Friday Street." Those words drained the last of my strength.
A shadow loomed closer. The Boss leaned forward, his face emerging from the darkness. His features were obscured, unreadable—but I didn't need to see them.
I could feel his smile.
———
They threw me in a van, not bothering to knock me out. There was no need. I had already given them everything they wanted.
They dumped me on the street they had captured me, their laughs haunting as they drove off.
I tried to convince myself I had done the right thing, but hot tears streamed down my face, the weight of my self-loathing crushing me.
I had done it again.
I had failed them.
Every. Damn. Fucking. Time.
I curled up on the curb, too ashamed to go home. Too disgusted to face the evidence of my weakness.
That night, I dreamed again.
I was in the living room again. But this time it was empty. There was no rustling of the newspaper, no humming, no…warmth.
Only a cold, eerie silence.
———
When I woke up, it was dark.
I forced myself to walk home. I already knew what I would find.
The door hung ajar, crooked on its hinges. The apartment was empty. Mary and Judas were gone, and the silence they left behind was deafening in their absence.
I chose this.
I started cooking. One plate. A single portion of synthetic eggs and toast. The food was bitter, ashy on my tongue. I spat it out, staring unblinkingly at the meal as it was some sort of strange alien.
A whisper drifted through my mind. My mother's voice.
"You know the secret to good food, Resh?"
I stared at the empty places where Mary and Judas used to sit.
And…after a moment, I felt something dawn on me.
A revelation as I sat there, alone.
I was at a crossroads now.
I could sit here in the dark, let the bitterness and regret consume me as I had always done, all my life.
Or—I could do something else.
Something a lesser man might call insane.
I smiled. Just a small curve of the lips, something most would've missed if they didn't know me well.
But it felt good.
Like a resurrection.