Second, and this was something new for me, too, mind you...
"Looks like I'm stuffed. Fuck."
I became aware of the limit of souls I, as a reaper, could gather.
There was no way for me to gauge it, but it was probably in the 7,000 - 8,000 range. That was all I had, and I felt gathering more wouldn't be smart.
Why? This was just an assumption, but I felt it was similar to overfilling a balloon.
Either the Ahnenerbe would break or the flesh would blow up, and to us, either one of those meant death.
Sure, a little bit of overeating probably wasn't that big of a deal, but the risk was still there, and taking it wasn't the smartest thing you could do. That was why my instinct told me to chill.
Though I listened and stopped rampaging, I was still boiling inside.
"Fuck. What a buzzkill."
I'd drained everyone around me, but the battlefield as a whole still had many more prey. It was like I'd found the perfect hunting grounds, caught all the game I could carry, couldn't take any more despite there still being tons.
My only options were dropping some of what I had or ending the hunt altogether.
Anyone would be pissed off, especially when they were basically being told they were too weak, small, and talentless to carry any more.
It felt like someone was looking down and laughing at me, so...
"No. It ain't over yet. This is just my current limit. I'll get way stronger than this."
I'd run into a wall, but it wasn't the end. Techniques, states of mind, a deeper connection to the Ahnenerbe... There were many paths for me to follow from here.
If the conditions were right, I could easily pass this barrier. I'd felt that way back then, and I still do. This might be cliché thing to say, but the only limits were the ones you set yourself.
"Fuck. Just you wait. Fucking shit...!"
Still, it was true that I couldn't do much about it at that point in time. It pissed the fuck out of me, so I decided to do something uplifting.
Specifically, going around and killing everyone in sight, even if it meant wasting their souls. I mean, I'd never seen murder as anything taboo, anyway.
Even if I couldn't suck their blood, I could have a good time just tearing them apart. And fuck, if it made me feel good, so I saw no reason not to do it.
With that in mind, I began walking through Warsaw's ruins, killing everyone I came across. Man, woman, young, old — none of it mattered to me. As their blood rained down on my head, I cooled off a bit and began thinking a little more rationally.
First and foremost, this couldn't go on forever. To us, souls were fuel for our powers.
Even if I just threw a punch, it would be magical attack in nature, with power far from the norm, and it'd drain a bit of my fuel tank.
That was why I already wasn't as full as I mere moments ago. And just like I said before, my powers weren't all that costly, so I couldn't just empty and replace the contents of my tank whenever I wanted.
This made me realize that I'd have to learn to cope with hunger if I wanted to avoid this stress. Well, sure, hunger was stressful too, but it was way better than being so overfed you could barely move.
Pigs are disgusting creatures, ya know? Of course you d. I was one of the Golden Beast's Claws and Fangs, so hunger suited me better than any alternative.
Well, starving myself wasn't an option, either. It was suicidal, and I sure as hell didn't want to become anorexic.
I realized I had to find the best balance on that front. With that settled, I started thinking about what the others were up to.
We hadn't seen each other for two or three years now. Just like me, they were scattered all over the place, fighting their own battles.
We were about to be called to gather again. I had no means of knowing it at that point, but I definitely had a feeling we would.
Lord Heydrich had told us to run as wild as we wished and gather as many souls as possible. Everyone else was obviously doing the same thing, and now that I was full, they were probably in a similar state.
Everyone had a different capacity. Some could store more than me, some less, but I felt that they were reaching or at least approaching their limits. And that was why I assumed we would soon meet again.
When the time came, I really didn't want anyone looking down on me for my amount. And I didn't how I'd feel if I disappointed Lord Heydrich.
The reality of my limit pissed me the fuck off, but there wasn't much I could do. It definitely wasn't something that could be solved in a day or two.
That was why I had to find some sort of new card I could play. Something that couldn't be linked to the amount of souls I had. If you considered me a one-man army, I had to learn strategies or formations that showed I was more than the sum of my numbers.
At the very least, I had to show I'd found something like that and was making progress toward it. Vague ideas were worthless here — I needed a very clear paradigm shift I could aspire for.
That might've made me sound like a bright-eyed, rebellious little brat trying to go against the grain, but that sort of impudence was important, if you asked me. Honestly, anyone who didn't get this sentiment was living a pretty damn boring life.
"Man, there must be something. Come on, think, dammit. Fights aren't always about numbers. I mean, I've always beat the shit of people ganging up on me. Yeah, that's right... I'm used to this by now. That suits me way more than just fucking them up with an army on my side. It's simple, then. And if it's simple, the answer should be simple, too."
I walked and killed while mumbling such things, and the fact I couldn't find an answer pissed me off so much I was about to snap.
"Agh! Holy shit! Fuck off!"
That was when the building to my side collapsed. I let my anger take over and punched the debris with all I had.
It was about as large as bus, but that didn't mean shit to me. Damn thing shattered into pieces that flew dozens of meters away, revealing her within the rubble.
"...Ah."
At first glance, I felt I was looking at a bird.
Specifically, the kind that had a large wingspan, yet didn't seem all that heavy. Sorta like a crane.
Then, I began to think I was looking at a painting or something.
No, seriously, to me, it looked like she had a pair of wings. And where could you find women like that? Only in pictures, of course.
"Umm... You're..."
"Huh? Quit talking. Who I am doesn't fucking matter."
Thus, I was pulled back to reality. The fact she talked made it impossible for her to be a painting or a bird. She was human. I'd decided to kill all humans I met, and she wouldn't be an exception.
At least, that's what I thought, but...
"You saved me! Thank you so much!"
"...Huh?"
I saved her? How'd she come to that conclusion? I didn't get her at all, so I took a moment to think on it.
The only thing that came to mind was the debris. She was almost crushed, and yeah, she'd be flattened if I didn't blow it away.
When you looked at it like that, then sure, she wasn't wrong that I saved her. I never intended to, and I still planned on killing her, but she wasn't exactly wrong.
Honestly, that really fucking pissed me off. I mean, she was the only person besides Heiga to ever thank me. I also found it annoying that she was misunderstanding me just like that worthless sister-mom of mine.
"No, I didn't fucking help you. Hell, why aren't you freaked out?"
The fact she was thanking me could only mean that she saw me blast the shitty debris away. That was downright inhuman, so...
"Aren't you scared of me?"
"But you're SS, aren't you?"
She looked at me, stupefied. The woman seemed so obvious to the situation that I thought she'd gone nuts.
"You're a German soldier. And I'm German. We are allies..."
"..."
"On the same side."
"..."
"So everything is fine."
"Like fuck it is!"
I didn't have a patriotic bone in me, and I didn't give a shit whether someone was German or not. Hell, even in this battle, I'd killed a ton of guys who were wearing uniforms like mine.
The fact she was a woman and a non-combatant didn't matter to me, either. But that, too, was something she just couldn't have known.
"I was slightly surprised, yes, but I believe it's normal for the army to have powers we do not know about. You protect us, after all. That is why it would be very disrespectful to be afraid of you. So allow me to thank you once again... You saved my life."
"...All right, all right, that's enough. I get it. Just quit babbling."
I figured it was impossible to get her understand through talk, and frankly, I wasn't good at that, anyway.
So I decided to act. She got me all confused and made feel dumb as shit for a hot minute, but I wasn't about to let go of my original plan for her.
'She'll get my point when she's dead'
I thought as I prepared to kill her, but then...
"By the way, I can't help but notice that you're the same as me."
"...Huh?"
More words that made no sense. Even more than her previous ones, in fact.
She got me to stop before I killed her twice in a row. That was some kind record, and it made me more confused than angry. The woman, on the other hand, was smiling happily.
Then, she pointed at herself and then to me, urging me to take a better look.
"His body was white as snow and red as the blooming of a rose, and the hair of his head and his long locks were white as wool, and his eyes beautiful. Have you read the Bible? We are both children of Noah. I must say, this is the first time I've met a kindred spirit in this regard."
"Ah..."
With that, I finally realized what she was talking about, and I had to agree.
White skin, white hair, eyes that'd lost color...
All of those were traits of someone who hated all sunlight and could only live at night. At the very least, I couldn't deny she had a plight similar to mine.
Suddenly, some sort of revelation struck me like lightning.
"The same... The same, huh?"
" Yes. I believe this must be a blessing from the Lord. May I ask your name? Mine is Claudia Jerusalem."
"I... I'm Wilhelm."
Then, I realized that she would be useful.
"I'm Wilhelm Ehrenburg. Yeah, I'm your savior, all right."
Thus, I decided to make use of her. It was my right as the savior and her duty as the saved.
"Come with me. We're leaving."
Warsaw continued to burn as the idiot took my hand, not questioning me for even a split second.
That was my meeting with this numbskull of a woman — Claudia.
Claudia Jerusalem was a nun. And she was so pious you could almost smell the church wax on her.
To be frank, her clothes and mannerisms were a dead giveaway, but I couldn't notice 'cause everything else was more important in my eyes.
You might wonder why a nun was on the battlefield in enemy lands, but there was nothing weird about that.
War isn't all about killing, ya know? Sure, that was the main deal, but that was exactly why they had to make sure the bullets keep flying no problem.
You needed someone to care for the injured and keep the food going. Stuff like that was too much for your average grunt, and honestly, everyone preferred to be looked after by a good woman instead of some bearded meathead.
And that was why it was the woman's job. But it just so happened that most normal woman didn't last three days before breaking and making a run for it.
What kind of woman did they need, then? Not even a question. There's a reason why people often see nurses as angels. Anyone writhing in hell needed salvation. And obviously, only the Holy could provide that service.
That was Claudia's job. If you ask me, it seems fucking insane that someone would ever do it willingly, but it makes sense, doesn't it?
She'd belong to the Warsaw Garrison, Army Nursing Division, but she'd been with me ever since we'd met.
Well, to be clear, I basically forced her to come with me. If you wanna know more about Warsaw, just look it up yourself. Shit went on for some time afterward, and I'm sure Claudia had lots of work, but I didn't give a fuck about that.
After all, we were told to gather. If Lord Heydrich called me, there was no point in staying in that shithole. And honestly, I was getting bored of army life.
Anyway, I had Claudia come with me. Again,I pretty much forced her, but she didn't resist all that much. I was her savior, after all.
Now, for the meat. The reason why I was fixated on her was simple. I was gonna consume her.
Remember how I needed a paradigm shift? A breakthrough to pass the wall? She was basically a sacrifice to help me.
The amount of souls we could gather depended on the person. Back at Warsaw, I realized my limit and understood that I couldn't pass it at that point in time.
Still, I couldn't just accept it and twiddle my thumbs. Like, come on, I couldn't let myself fall behind those with a larger capacity.
I mean, I really didn't want to disappoint Lord Heydrich.
To me, battles were never just about numbers. I didn't want that to end up being some pathetic excuse for when I lost, so I had to have a clear plan.
That was where Claudia came in. To put it simply, I decided to focus on quality instead of quantity.
There's nothing complicated about this. People were different. They looked different and had things they were good or bad at.
So, I figured the same thing applied to souls. Getting a bit of jet fuel was better than just stuffing your tank with some shitty oil, after all.
I wanted things likel efficiency, explosive power, density, and precision.
Let's assume it took a hundred shitty souls to get a night of bloodstained roses running at "one hundred" power. Now, imagine how great it'd be if I could use only a few percent of a single soul to create a night of bloodstained roses running at "one thousand."
Of course, high quality souls would probably take up capacity proportional to their quality. You're saying that'd effectively make capacity the most important thing again? Yeah, don't think that's the case.
Why? Adaptability. Familiarity. The soul's ability to dramatically change when I was the one wielding it.
Basically, I wanted a soul that either I could handle well or became something great for me alone. Those were the two patterns I predicted, but I figured the result would be more or less the same regardless.
That's how human relationships work, don't they? I'm probably the last woman who can say this, but to normal people, a stranger's life can't even compare to a family member's.
And that's basically what Claudia was. She fit both of the patterns I mentioned.
I defined her as a soul that was really damn compatible with me.
The reason for that? Intuition. Probably not something you'd take seriously, but it's pretty important. I trust my sense of smell.
Though, if you really want a reason, I guess I was sympathetic of her as a fellow albino.
There was one more thing, and, well...
It's pretty complicated, so let me talk about it in detail.