[Opening prologue: opening inner monologue of the mc]
"I've always wondered — was it always like this? Was it a dream, a lucid one perhaps? Or a hallucination?
I face a dilemma whenever I try to figure out whether to call that event a nightmare… or a dream — a blissful one at best.
Since I was stuck in a dreadful phenomenon, I'd like to call it a nightmare.
But on the contrary — I found the love of my life in it.
That made me forget the seriousness of the situation.
Or rather… it made me calm.
And that's why I'm tempted to call it a dream.
Everything felt strange — like I was trapped in a deep sleep I couldn't wake up from.
It sounded stupid, even ridiculous, to think about something so unnatural.
But I couldn't help it — I felt like I was going insane.
It was like being buried deep inside my subconscious.
And oddly enough, that felt like the most rational explanation.
But then… my whole life — from birth until that point — started to feel questionable.
And my heart and brain? They turned on each other.
From the bottom of my heart, I tried to accept things as they were.
But my brain refused, constantly insisting everything was irrational, impossible, unreal.
If I listened to my heart, I felt a little delight — and a little sadness too —
Because, deep down, I wanted the anomaly to be real.
The reason?
Her. And only her.
Not because of the phenomenon itself — but because she made it bearable.
I had mentioned before how I felt a strange calm during the chaos — because of her.
That's why I wanted my heart to lead,
Because if it did, maybe I'd be happy.
And honestly, my heart made sense.
Everything felt real.
Yet I still hovered in that middle ground — stuck between intuition and logic,
Because my intuition sided with both… and neither.
Siding with my brain was complicated — especially since my intuition partially agreed with it.
Trying to figure out where this 'dream' began…
That was the hardest part.
There were a few possibilities:
1. If I've been stuck in this "dream" from the very beginning —
As in, even before my past trauma —
That would mean losing her, entirely.
And this so-called dream would be a nightmare… or maybe a mix of both,
Since I was trapped in two layers of trauma.
But I discarded that theory.
Because I only started feeling unreal after the phenomenon occurred.
It was only then that I began to question my existence —
And I still don't know when or where this dream truly began.
2. If I were to wake up during my ongoing trauma…
That would be the worst outcome.
And honestly, I'd rather stay asleep forever than let that be true.
It felt like my brain was confused by its own logic,
And my intuition? Even worse — a mess of contradictions.
But my heart —
It was stubborn.
Its reasoning held a strange kind of clarity,
Though it still seemed unlikely.
Meanwhile, my brain had all the rational points…
But they only contradicted each other.
But now, looking at the circumstances and placing both possibilities side by side… I'd rather wake up and hope for my brain's plausibility to win and lose her as if she were just a fragment of my imagination than lose her literally for the rest of my life."