So it has been almost an year, I have learned I am gonna have a cousin. My brother hasn't stopped telling me about the baby. According to him, he wants a brother and he will hit him as that's what brothers do. Although I am his sister so he won't hit me. Of course, Mummy heard him and he got quite the tongue lashing about not hitting the baby and stuff. What a complete idiot, then again that's how kids are.
Honestly, I have taken quite a liking to him. He also told me that if we have a brother he's gonna teach him how to fight. Seriously!
I am the only one in this family who has white hair, instead of finding it odd, in there opinion my name suits me, as my silver hair and moon like eyes shines the same way moonlight or chandni does, but I am nothing like the pleasant and beautiful moonlight. I am the dark cloudy sky with new moon. I don't get why they loves me so much, I don't seem to grasp why they cheer me when I crawl or try to speak. Such a lovely family, never, never would I tell them what a cold blooded assassin I am. I'll give them a normal life instead, I'll pretend if I have to, I'll shut up if I have to, I'll change if I have to but I swear I'll act normal for their sake. If I won't be myself it should be fine, truly. That's the least I can do for them besides I was never meant to be here, I was meant to die. This life is simply not the one I deserve. In my previous one I took so many lives, destroyed so many families, committed so many sins I never atoned for. And despite this I get to live a normal life. If a God truly exists why give a second chance to a monster like me! Why?
Well life like a baby is easy all I gotta do is sleep, eat, cry and repeat. So here I am lying on the bed staring at literally nothing. I hear someone opening the door, defiantly my brother. Yup! That's him.
"Shhh.. Chandni don't make any noise. If Mummy or Aunt will hear you, I am gonna be in trouble. Okay, good girl."
I bet he is avoiding doing his homework.
"Your life is so easy."
Yeah cause I am a baby, ya know!
"All you have to do is lye down whereas I-I gotta study, ya know it's hard to be a six year old, really, it's really hard to learn how to read and write, I wanna play but I need to do my homework first, it's soo hard!"
"KUUUUUUSSSSSSSHHHHH!"
Oh Mummy is here, I kinda saw that coming, all I am gonna say is you're in hot soup big bro. Best of luck!
"I came to take a pencil."
"Lier! Quit whining already, you would have finished it by now. Come on!"
"Aaahhh! Mummy please let me play first. Let this kid live his life!"
What a dramatic phrase.
"Just do it."
Guess what fifteen minutes later it's finished! I really can't understand kids I mean a whole tantrum just for fifteen minutes! Jeez! Well, I was never a kid. When you live in orphanage you grow up fast. Food was always short. Water was always contaminated. Clothes were always torn. Surroundings were always dirty. Hygiene was always absent. Funds were always empty. Honestly, the country didn't have a choice, what good can you expect from a place always at war. That's what my home was like, always at war. I can't blame the higher ups, peace was never a choice. Either we had to die as their servants with regret or die protecting our country with pride. We choose the latter one. I am proud of the choice we made. But this resulted in poor living conditions and the first one to suffer were us, orphans. During the war number of orphans increased and the funds decreased. This was the reason we all ended up doing some odd jobs, some started making clothes, some started cleaning, some started selling things, some started making weapons and in rare cases some ended up in battlefield. I was one of them. Though my reason was a little different, I wanted to make some change. After the war I started assassinating the targets. I was one of those who did the dirtiest work. My hands always had blood spots. We did everything spied on our people, stole from others and assassinated the worst kind of people existing. Hesitating was never an option cause this meant instead of your enemies your comrades die. So I never did. I didn't hesitate even for a second cause this is what you become when you are an assassin. Even I used to wonder what's the difference between murder and assassination, but there is a huge difference. Murder is to satisfy the desire of killing while assassinating is choosing people close to you live instead of the other. Assassination is done in order to save the people you love. That's why I have my pride as an assassin but still there are these dirty things I did and I knew I had to atone for it. I did take life to fulfill my desire of letting people close to me live. I choose this. The responsibility of their deaths still lie on my shoulders. Then why? Why did I get this lovely family? Why? Who gave me right to choose who should live? Then why?
"Mumma! Chandni is crying, shhh... don't cry, um.... see this teddy is so cute, don't... cry.."
I didn't realise I started crying.
"What happened?"
Stop it!
"She just started crying all of a sudden."
Stop it!
"Shh... mumma is here."
Please stop! Why! Why! Why, do you care! Leave me alone! Stop this nonsense! I would rather stay in darkness then seeing a family shatter because they were unlucky enough to have me as their daughter! Just leave!