The arrow quivered in the bark beside me, feathered in green and silver.
I turned slowly, already bracing for the next shot, but what emerged from the treeline was… not what I expected.
Three figures stood atop the slope, lit by golden sunlight and their own blinding confidence.
The first was an elf woman with sharp cheekbones, shoulder-length leaf-blonde hair, and a green tunic that screamed "forest aesthetic." She held a tall longbow and struck a pose like she was starring in her own novel.
Next to her was a man who looked like a brick wall with legs—taller than me by a head and built like someone who ate boulders for breakfast. His axe was bigger than his head and strapped across his back like it was just an accessory.
And between them…
The "leader."
You could tell by the cape. Gods, he had a cape.
He wore gleaming silver armor with gold trim, a sky-blue scarf flapping behind him dramatically, and hair that somehow caught the wind even though there wasn't any wind. A perfect jawline. A stupidly shiny sword.
He radiated self-importance like body heat.
"Villain!" he declared, pointing at me. "Stand down and surrender your cursed weapon!"
I blinked. "…Are you talking to me?"
"We saw your dark aura," the elf said sharply, nocking another arrow. "No one with stats like yours walks these roads for noble reasons!"
I frowned. "Stats? You can't even see mine."
The big guy growled. "You were skulking around our village."
"I was… walking." I held my hands out. "I literally haven't done anything."
"SILENCE!" the caped leader yelled, his blue scarf fluttering like it had dramatic opinions. "You dare lie to Sir Kaelrith of Solglade?"
I blinked again. "I have no idea what a Solglade is."
"ENOUGH!"
The elf loosed an arrow.
I sidestepped.
It missed by a meter.
I sighed and let my HUD scan them.
[Name: Kaelrith of Solglade]
Level: 4
Strength: 7
Agility: 5
Intellect: 3
Luck: -1
Special Skill: Heroic Pose (Cooldown: 3 minutes)
[Name: Varn, Axe Knight]
Level: 6
Strength: 10
Agility: 2
Intellect: 1
Special Skill: Loud Grunt (No effect)
[Name: Lelyra, Forest Ranger]
Level: 5
Strength: 4
Agility: 7
Intellect: 6
Special Skill: Nature's Complaint (Makes small animals uncomfortable)
I squinted. "...What the hell am I looking at?"
"Kaelrith, now!" yelled Lelyra, drawing her dagger. "Distract her so I can aim for her kneecaps!"
"I will blind her with JUSTICE!" Kaelrith shouted.
He charged down the hill with a battle cry that sounded like someone trying too hard to impress their horse. His cape flared. His sword gleamed.
I sidestepped again.
He tripped on a root.
CRASH.
His armor clanged like a dropped piano.
Lelyra shot another arrow. It hit a bush two meters to my left.
"I just watched you hit a tree five seconds ago," I said flatly.
"I meant to do that!"
Varn came last, roaring as he charged. He raised his axe with both hands and swung downward.
I caught the haft mid-air.
Stopped it.
With one hand.
He stared.
I yanked it sideways, twisted, and sent him sprawling face-first into the dirt.
Kaelrith staggered upright, holding his sword again. "You may have bested my allies, but you will not—"
I kicked him in the stomach.
He flew backward, crashing through a bush and disappearing in a chorus of snapped branches.
Lelyra gasped. "You brute!"
"I didn't even use my dagger yet," I said.
"Then taste my wrath!"
She charged in, leaping—agile, to her credit—but I just turned, caught her by the back of her collar mid-air, and dangled her like a confused kitten.
She flailed. "Unhand me, you soulless tyrant!"
"I haven't even drawn my weapon."
"I SHALL NOT YIELD—!"
A sudden voice cut through the chaos.
Calm. Sharp. Low.
"Stop attacking innocent people."
It was like a sword cutting through wind. Every head turned instantly.
A fourth figure stood at the edge of the clearing, and everything changed.
She wasn't tall, but her presence expanded like gravity. She wore a long black coat with dark steel armor underneath, etched with glowing runes. Her hair was dark, tied back in a braid that fell to her waist, and her eyes—storm-grey and unreadable—locked instantly onto me.
Not them. Me.
And I felt something shift in the air.
Power.
Real power.
She stepped forward.
"Stand down," she said again, her voice quiet but final.
Kaelrith tried to rise. "But Captain—she—"
"I said stop."
Kaelrith flinched and went silent.
Lelyra squeaked. Varn whimpered from the dirt.
The woman looked me over, head tilting slightly. She didn't activate a scan. Didn't reach for a weapon. But her eyes were weighing me like scales.
"You're not from here," she said simply.
I met her gaze. "Nope."
"Then we're going to talk." She turned her head slightly, not looking at the others. "And you're all going to apologize."
"…What?" Kaelrith croaked.
"Now."
Lelyra scrambled to her feet and bowed so fast she almost fell again. "Apologies, noble traveler! We, uh, deeply regret our totally unprovoked and misguided attempt on your—um—life."
Varn just grunted. I assumed it was apology-adjacent.
Kaelrith was still wheezing. "She… kicked me."
"Then maybe next time," the woman said, "ask questions before attacking the most dangerous person within ten miles."
They all froze.
"…You can see my stats?" I asked.
She smiled slightly.
"No."