"Boss Hu Tao Teases Employee Zhongli"
The video starts playing:
Grandpa Zhongli is sitting on the toilet, calmly flipping through a book while saluting.
Suddenly, the bathroom light starts flickering—on, off, on, off…
Zhongli just sits there, helpless but clearly used to this kind of nonsense.
The camera pans outside. Our beloved Hall of Rebirth Master, Hu Tao, is standing by the switch, flicking it on and off like she's doing some light show.
The rhythm? Chaotic, dramatic, and a little too catchy—like a performance called "Dreamy Confusion."
One's having a blast, the other's stuck squatting, deadpan. Childe and Hu Tao are cracking up.
Zhongli sighs. He looks a little confused why Rui Shen would make a video that throws him under the bus like this.
"Hahahaha, Zhongli's face is killing me—so done with life, hahahaha ヾ(≧∪≦*)ノ〃"
Hu Tao laughs out loud. She's loving this whole video thing.
To think that the Geo Archon, Morax, is stuck in a bathroom prank? It's hilarious. Why didn't she think of doing something like this before?
Oh right— They doesn't have electric lights.
Even Childe wants to laugh harder, but he tones it down a bit since he's still got business with Zhongli.
Then—plot twist.
Gurgle…
Hu Tao's stomach suddenly lets out a very clear warning. She grabs her stomach, her face instantly pale.
Crap. Literally. Diarrhea!
And there's only one toilet in the Hall.
And it's currently occupied…
"Aww (>д<)!"
Hu Tao whines, clutching her butt with one hand and banging on the door with the other.
Bang bang! You've been hit by…
Bang bang! You've been struck by…
A smooth criminal!
Her knocking and dancing totally channels Michael Jackson—it's uncanny.
Inside, Grandpa Zhongli stays squatting, unbothered, turning pages like none of this is his problem.
Hu Tao, on the verge of bursting, turns into a tragic heroine, mouth wide open, eyes squeezed shut.
"Hnnng, heh, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!! (＞д＜)!!"
Truly, a stinky peach moment.
The video ends.
Hu Tao is frozen in disbelief, but everyone else in the internet café loses it.
"I can't breathe, I'm laughing too hard. The Hall of Rebirth is chaos!"
"My stomach hurts, she played herself, hahaha (*≧▽≦)"
"This video thing is genius—way better than a movie."
"Wait… is it just me or does it actually smell a little funky in here (′?ω?)?"
Everyone's laughing so hard they're basically on the floor.
Even Zhongli cracks a tiny smile. Gotta admit, that was pretty entertaining.
But alas, Hu Tao's pride took the L today.
Her face is pitch black with rage. She never thought she'd be the butt of the joke.
"Rui Shen! I'm gonna end you, you bastard ヽ(#`Д′)ノ!"
She leaps from her chair like a crow in flight and dive-bombs Rui Shen behind the counter.
She crashes into him, knocking him clean off his chair.
"Explain yourself! Why did you post something so humiliating about me (▼皿▼#)?!"
Her staff's nowhere in sight, so she grabs a fork and waves it threateningly.
She's been the Hall Master in Liyue for years, and nobody has ever dared mess with her like this.
Rui Shen gently pushes the fork away, grinning: "What if I told you the video was AI-generated? Would you believe me?"
Hu Tao jabs the fork at his cheek. "Do I look like I'd believe that? Delete it, now! (▼皿▼#)"
Okay, even Rui Shen knows that excuse was weak.
Plan B: bribe the boss.
"Deleting it is out of the question—it's a matter of principle. But how about this: no more internet café fees for you, ever. Deal?"
Hu Tao squints, thinks it over, then gives a reluctant nod. "Hmph. Smart move."
She climbs off him with a flushed face and goes back to her seat.
Sure, 100 mora an hour means nothing to rich girl Hu Tao, but Rui Shen's apology attitude made up for it.
...Still, she kind of feels like she got scammed again.
The café calms down, done laughing—after all, nobody wants to make an enemy of the Hall of Rebirth.
Now Hu Tao's done with horror games like "Silent Hill." She's had enough trauma for the day.
"Digging for Ascension" is torture too, watching other people suffer through it is plenty.
So she picks a new game: Super Mario Bros.
"So... the princess is kidnapped by a dragon, and the person saving her… is a plumber (′?ω?)?"
Hu Tao is baffled. Where's the knight? Or the prince?
Whatever. As long as it's not too scary or difficult, she's down.
She starts the game. The screen is simple, instructions are clear: use WSAD or arrow keys to move, and there's an attack key.
Looks easy. She's confident.
Mario—tiny bean-shaped dude in overalls—starts his journey. A mushroom waddles in from the right.
Tutorial says jump on enemies to defeat them.
"Come here, Mushroom Boy. Taste my glutes."
She jumps… and misses. By a lot.
Mario faceplants. Game over.
"Uh...(ー〃)"
Yikes. One life down.
Second try—jump is on point. Mushroom Boy gets squished.
She sees a question mark block, hits it, and a big mushroom pops out.
It slides across, bounces off a pipe, and hits Mario. He grows bigger.
"Okay… so now I'm jumbo. What's the point of that?"
She shrugs and keeps going.
Once she gets the hang of it, Hu Tao breezes through the first level. She figures out what each item does: mushrooms to grow, green ones for lives, flowers for fire, stars for invincibility.
She dives into Level 2, full of confidence.
Meanwhile, Zhongli has a different mission.
Hu Tao hands him the horror game "Silent Hill: PT" because she's so over it.
Zhongli doesn't really want to play. He'd rather sip tea and listen to music.
It's not that he's scared—he's lived over six thousand years. Ghosts aren't scary.
They're just… boring.
Still, orders are orders. He puts on the headset and dives in.
"Let's see what this world is hiding."
Opening screen:
"Be careful. The gap in that door... it's a different reality. I am me—can you be sure you're the only you?"
Zhongli narrows his eyes. Clearly, that's a clue.
The gap in the door—maybe it refers to all the doors leading into each new loop? Or just the bathroom door?
Parallel worlds… double identities?
He'll need to explore more to be sure.
He enters the first loop.
Clocks ticking. Radio playing cryptic stuff.
There's a bunch of wine bottles in a corner—this place reeks of heavy drinking.
On the second loop, the end door slams shut, and the bathroom door rattles but won't open.
Two cockroaches drop from the ceiling.
Zhongli watches them crawl.
His instincts tell him: every detail in this game matters.
He follows the cockroaches to the first hallway's corner, and sure enough—something new.
There's a photo frame on the ground that wasn't there before.