Chapter Four
Izzy:
The morning light filtered through the blinds, soft and muted, casting gentle shadows across the room, I lay beside Carl, my head on his chest, feeling the steady rhythm of his heartbeat beneath my cheek, it was comforting, But there was heaviness, a question in the air that I couldn't ignore, last night had been... something I hadn't expected, something I didn't know I needed until it happened, And now, lying here with him, I could feel that fragile thread between us, pulling me in one direction and pushing me away in another.
I wanted to stay in this moment, to forget everything else and just be with him. But my mind wouldn't let me. It was too loud with all the things we hadn't said. The things I didn't know how to say.
His fingers brushed gently across my shoulder, and I shifted, realizing he was awake, I could feel the tension in him, too, he was thinking about something, I could always tell when he was lost in thought, it was like there was a wall
he put up, and no matter how close we were, there were still parts of him he kept hidden.
"Hey," Carl's voice was low, rough from sleep.
"Hey," I replied, still feeling the lingering weight of everything we hadn't addressed. But at this moment, it felt like we didn't need to talk about it just yet. It was enough that we were here, together.
He shifted slightly, looking down at me. "I didn't expect this," he murmured, his fingers tracing idle patterns on my arm. "I didn't expect to feel like this again."
I closed my eyes, a part of me wanting to ignore the truth in his words. But I couldn't. Not when it felt like everything between us was unraveling, slowly but surely. I had been trying to keep my distance, to protect myself, but being here with him, feeling his warmth against me, it was hard to ignore how much I had missed him.
"Me neither," I whispered, my voice barely audible. "But I'm glad it's happening."
I could feel him stiffen a little like he was waiting for me to say more. But I didn't know what to say. I didn't know if I was ready to say all the things that were building inside of me, the things I had been holding back for so long. And yet, there was something in his eyes that made me want to open up.
The silence between us stretched, thick and heavy. I could feel his breath on the top of my head, his chest rising and falling with every breath. It was like we were both waiting, but neither of us knew for what.
Then, I broke the silence.
"I don't know what this means, Carl," I said, my voice trembling ever so slightly. "I don't know where we go from here."
I felt him tense, his muscles tightening under my fingertips. But he didn't pull away. Instead, I felt his hands move to my face, lifting my chin gently so that I was looking into his eyes. He was searching my face like he was trying to find the right words.
"We take it one step at a time," he said, his voice soft but firm. "We don't have to figure it all out right now. Let's just... be honest with each other. That's a good place to start."
His words hung in the air between us, and I let them sink in. I had to admit, it sounded like a reasonable plan. But could we really be honest with each other after everything? After the distance, the silence, the lies we'd both told ourselves?
I wanted to believe him. I wanted to believe that we could start fresh, that we could fix what had been broken. But the fear still lingered, gnawing at me from the inside.
"I can do that," I whispered, my voice barely audible. "But I need to know you're here. Not just... physically here, but emotionally. I need to know that you're all in. I can't keep doing this back-and-forth with you, Carl."
I saw his expression shift, his brow furrowing slightly, but his hands remained gentle as he held me. His eyes softened, and I could see that this was hitting him harder than I had expected.
"I'm here," he said, his voice thick with emotion. "I don't know if I've ever been more here in my life. I was scared, Izzy. I was scared of losing you for good, and I didn't know how to fix it. But I'm done with that. I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere."
His words did something to me. They hit deep, cutting through the walls I was building around myself. I could see the truth in his eyes and feel the sincerity in his touch. It wasn't the easy fix I'd been hoping for, but maybe it was a step in the right direction.
"I don't know how long it'll take," I said, my voice quiet and steady. "But I'm willing to try. To figure it out. If you are."
His gaze never wavered, and for the first time in a long while, I felt like we might actually have a chance. We weren't perfect, we weren't fixed, but maybe we didn't need to be. Maybe we just needed to be here, with each other.
"I am," he whispered, leaning down to kiss my forehead softly. "I'll do whatever it takes."
I nodded, my heart pounding in my chest. There was so much uncertainty, so many things left unsaid, but in that moment, I was willing to take a chance. To believe that we cou
ld rebuild, even if it meant starting over. Together.