[Goblin]
[Class: PaleBorn]
Kai gulped.
Under the dim flicker of the hallway torch, he got his first real look at them.
Classic goblins—short, grotesque, draped in scraps of what could only generously be called clothing. Their wiry green frames twitched with energy, their jagged teeth glinting as they hissed and shrieked in his direction like gremlins on a sugar bender.
Two of them were already scooping up the spears they'd thrown at his skull.
The third—weaponless, thanks to Kai's light-fingered heroism—hocked up a chunky wad of spit, launched it at the door…
…and then flipped him the middle finger.
Kai stood frozen for a second, mouth dangling open.
"…Did that goblin just flip me off?"
Yup. Sure did.
Goblins were Fantasy 101. He'd read about them, seen them, mocked them in memes. They were practically tutorial-level cannon fodder.
But never—not once—had he pictured standing face-to-face with a trio of real, snarling, unwashed goblin-goblins.
He blinked.
Rubbed his eyes.
Looked again.
Still there.
Big ears. Shank-happy grins. The kind of faces that screamed "disease-ridden sewer dwellers with emotional issues."
Weirdly smooth bodies, too. Like malnourished bodybuilders dipped in green paint and raised by rabid raccoons.
"…Damn...This world is not playing around."
But Kai didn't have time to gawk.
One of the goblins—the one to his right—suddenly lunged, brandishing its crude wooden spear like it was auditioning for the Goblin Olympics.
"KHAAAA!!"
Kai's instincts kicked in.
"OH SHIT!"
He slammed the door shut just as the goblin hurled its body forward.
BANG!
A loud THUD followed.
Then silence.
Then… a low, drawn-out groan.
Kai paused, cracked the door open just a hair—
—and immediately snorted.
The goblin that had charged was now crumpled on the floor, completely out cold. Mouth wide open. Tongue flopped out like a knocked-out Looney Tune. A bright red lump swelling on its forehead like a cherry on top of the dumbest sundae imaginable.
The other two goblins skidded to a halt mid-run, staring down at their fallen comrade like they'd just watched their cousin try to headbutt a train.
Kai's eyes locked once more with the stickless goblin.
The little bastard was vibrating with rage now, gnashing his teeth like a cracked-out Chihuahua.
Kai, ever the diplomat, responded in the most mature way he could:
He grinned—wide and wicked, straight out of every edgelord villain monologue—and slowly, deliberately, flipped the goblin off.
The effect was immediate.
The goblin's already bloodshot eyes somehow got redder—like someone had cranked up the rage dial to eleven.
It let out a shriek that could've shattered windows, frothing at the mouth like a rabid squirrel on bath salts, and charged.
Kai's grin vanished like a cartoon character yanked offstage by a cane.
"Like hell I'm letting that thing get near me!"
He slammed the door shut with both hands, spun on his heels, and scanned the room in a frenzy. His eyes locked onto a small side table nearby—marble bust of some pompous dead guy sitting on top like it was auditioning for a museum.
Kai didn't even think.
He dashed over, grabbed the whole thing—table, statue, and all—and scraped it across the stone floor with a screeeeeCHH that could've summoned demons.
BAM!
He jammed the table against the door just as it quaked under the impact of three very pissed-off gremlins.
Kai stumbled back, panting.
"That should hold them back for a bit."
And right on cue—
BAM! BAM! BAM!
The door trembled like it owed them money. Muffled screeches, unhinged goblin swearing, and what sounded suspiciously like one of them biting the door filled the air.
Kai exhaled hard, letting out a half-laugh, half-wheeze as he slumped against the barricade.
"And just like that… I've made my first enemies in this world."
He paused, then added dryly,
"…Fantastic."
Kai stopped. Just for a second.
His lungs were working overtime, his heart punching his ribs like it had a grudge, and his back was pressed against the barricade like it was his last line of defense—which, technically, it was.
Every few seconds, the goblins slammed into the door, shaking it like a vending machine that ate their coin. But between the marble table and Kai's not-so-lightweight self, it held.
Barely.
He sucked in deep breaths, trying to quiet the roaring in his ears. The adrenaline was burning off now, leaving him cold and jittery.
And for the first time since he landed in this messed-up dungeon trial thing, he actually looked around.
The hallway he was in… was weird.
Not dungeon-y at all.
It was long and clean. Too clean. One big ornate door stood directly across from him, while a few smaller ones lined the sides like sentinels. The walls were white marble, with gold inlays that curled in elegant patterns—fancy, regal, expensive.
Light streamed in from nowhere in particular, bright and warm, like it was a Tuesday morning in some divine palace. A massive chandelier hung from the high ceiling, crystal and gold sparkling like it had never heard the word "goblin."
And above that, covering the ceiling?
Paintings.
Actual ceiling paintings, the kind you only see in European cathedrals or anime villain lairs.
Kai tilted his head back, squinting.
There it was: a goat, perfectly centered between two towering figures—one pure white and glowing like a blessed flashlight, the other a pitch-black silhouette leaking shadows. They stood on opposite sides, and in front of them?
Two armies.
One side looked angelic—wings, halos, the full holy package. The other side looked like someone mashed every monster from Kai's nightmares into one canvas.
Kai frowned.
"Great. Bible fanfic with monster DLC."
He sighed and finally lowered his head, his neck thanking him for the mercy.
And that's when he saw them.
Two objects, lying on the ground a few feet ahead.
Just… sitting there.
Waiting.
Kai's heart skipped a beat. Then two. Then all of them, apparently, because he all but scrambled across the polished floor like a man possessed.
Two items lay ahead of him—one crude and wooden, the other sleek and dark—and above each, a faint glow shimmered as if reality itself was holding up cue cards.
[Inspect?][Inspect?]
Kai focused on the first one—the janky stick he had swiped mid-sprint. The glowing text blinked, then expanded with a smug little flourish:
[Lazzarus Spear of Grub]
[Rank: G-]
[Don't be fooled by the name. An edgelord kid named it. Literally made from the weakest stick found in the castle, with the tiniest rock imaginable jammed on top as a spearhead.]
Kai furrowed his brows at the spear like it was a fresh pile of dog poop.
Because honestly? That's exactly what it felt like.
"…The hell is this? A twig with a superiority complex?"
He clicked his tongue, frowning at the thing like it had just farted in a cathedral. It really did look like a DIY project from a toddler's tantrum session.
Hard pass.
Then his gaze shifted to the second object—and his breath hitched.
This one, he knew.
Oh, he knew it.
Something he'd seen countless times from a distance, always just out of reach. Something he'd stared at with the same intensity most guys reserved for their first crush.
He had begged to hold it. Pleaded.
And every time?
Whack.
That bald bastard Matsumoto would swat him like a misbehaving cat.
But now…
Now it sat in front of him, like destiny wrapped in steel.
[Kurozakura]
[Rank: F+]
[Forged in silence, baptized in betrayal, Kurozakura is not a blade — it is a sentence. There's an unease to it, subtle but undeniable. As if the blade remembers more than it should. And waits to be remembered in return.]
Kai stared.
It was the katana.
The very same blade that had once stood silently on the wooden bench like it owned the world. Matsumoto's prized possession. The sword Kai had gripped when he—
…well. When he ended it.
And now?
Now it was here.
With him.