On days like this during the season of Autumn, where I lay down on the grass in my favorite place out of the noise of the brothel and the likes of my governess, reminiscing on the peace that comes with nature, the sound of birds chipping like I can hear them singing my name 'Violetta, Violetta, Violetta'', and the breath taking view of the lake surrounded by assorted flowers of different colors and species almost like it didn't exist, a sight for sore eyes it truly was and I never seem to meet anyone here it almost felt like a magical land out of a fairly tale that only I could see, I smiled knowing that will be impossible it was surely so because it hided it self pretty well. it was beautiful and has been my peace since I took the narrow road down the little orchard I go to pick apples and fruits for Madam Agatha the governess of the brothel I grew up in, if not I probably wouldn't have found it my self .
I have been coming here since my 17th birthday, three summers past and it helped calm my aching muscles, sore feet disturbed mind, and a raging body. it comforts me and helps with the questions that always find their way to my head, why did I grow up in a brothel? do I have any real family?, where are they do they think of me, do they miss me? is life better for them ? Why were they sudden changes or shifts in my thought patterns why are they filled with illicit thoughts, the unexplainable sensitive things that started happening to my body, and my change In interest at the activities in the brothel I watched growing up with detest started feeling less appalling.
When I watch the silk ladies almost naked with just jewel covering their lady areas dancing slowly moving to the soft tunes of the harps and violins, slow sensual rhythms, the way they move their bodies the glued eyes of the men on them and how they sling their head back and make soft moans when they are being touched sends jittery feelings down my spine, I instantly have sensitive nipples, that get hard and poke out through my gown at the slightest bit of contact or cold breeze, excitement and distraction and yet disgust at my self for enjoying such illicit activities, in summary Ambivalent emotions was the only way I could put it .
Being here helped me clear the fogginess of my mind and thoughts and reminded me of wanting more than just sinful pleasures but a life beyond those walls.
When I started feeling this way and stayed up all night squeezing my thighs and thinking of what I saw when I went in to refill the wine jars in the silk room I usually fill before the guest arrived but that night was an exception as I had to stand in for a servant who fell ill that day which meant refilling the wine jars "mid activities ".
I moved the blinds to let myself in and I stood frozen at the sight before me I knew this was what went down but never have I ever been so close I would usually scurry away but as I said I had started feeling intrigued by this type of things there was a man before me he's back facing me but naked with he's knees on the bed slamming in to one of the silk ladies behind with so much force vigorously the bed was creaking so hard I thought it might break and it seemed painful but from her screams I didn't know if it was or pleasurable he looked not so tall and had well defined hard muscles from the length of he's hair the dirty locs, the dagger marks on he's back and drawings I could tell he was a Viking soldier they were infiltrated amongst us the people of Lander before they named it Vigridsborg they took over us a long time ago and decided to settle here we are even ruled by them they are very strong and ruthless. Yes!! I manage to know something about my town history.
I managed to move my still feet and filled in the jar as fast as I could stealing glances at the silk lady and how well she was enjoying this her makeup smeared and the look on her face that of satisfaction her breast was moving in rhythm with he's thrust and I poured into the jar even more faster to get out and I face palmed my self asking why I stayed even longer than I should have.
After tossing and being unable to sleep Louisa my roommate and only friend here asked me what was wrong and when I explained to her about it she smiled at me and said
"Violetta this things are normal and it comes with age and maturity it will soon be more bearable and if you wish enjoyable". Louisa said with a wink. She is one summer older than me and she probably knew best and was more experienced so I took her word for it it was a stage that will Pass and I would be able to Control it and that I believed true.
Throughout the years I think I managed to control my raging thoughts especially when I watch the ladies down at the silk house during the period before my monthly flows it gets worse but I manage to divert my attention , a good therapy is dipping my body in this beautiful lake or lying down the grass or just swirling with my long dark brown hair set loose and and the feeling of nature beneath my feet.
I have few more seasons to my next birthday which is I'll be 21 Summers of age and Every lady should be pleased about her date of birth but not me. It just reminds me of what awaits me in the brothel. I scrub the floors to have food, a roof and pay my debts to madam which dosen't even cover a dent in what I owe and she dosen't fail to remind me. last season I reached the age to start practicing on how to become a silk lady and please a man, don't panic I still have my virtue but not for long I am being groomed by other ladies in the brothel….. Hughh!! I sighed.
Staring at the sky it then hit me it's almost time for dinner and the ladies won't be pleased if I am late. I scramble up pick up my basket and head back to the Silky Red whorehouse.
As I step in through the back door we are not yet opened and the scents of spices from the kitchen hit my nose and reminds me of the short time I have left to start cooking, few minutes Louisa joins me we Both smile at each other and i notice she has put up her red hair in braids it highlights hair brown eyes and with tiny freckles below her eyes and cheeks she is very pretty and she started working 2 summers ago, brought in as a collateral on debt owed by her gambling father and the only person not looking at me with disgust because they think madam treats me better because I work odd jobs and not participate in what is required.
We aren't best of friends but we talk and laugh and treat each other nicely .
she is supposed to assist in the kitchen because she is not here on pay like other silk ladies. we began chopping and cutting to get dinner ready before madam requests hoping not to fall on her bad side today and every other day .
The governess has very strict rules and power in these city. Many of her customers are high ranking men with love for women and they offer her favors for her services, she has an unmerciful reputation and you don't want to cross paths with her trust me I would know after trying to defile her and runaway one too many times, my increased debts, punishments and extra hours of work and the faded whip splashes on my back would have been proof.
We continued cooking in silence and weren't chit chatting as always as we had no time on our hands. I left the kitchen midway picking up the baskets of fruits leaving the rest to louissa and moving on to place them in the little bowls in the prestigious rooms of the silk red whorehouse this was only for important officials and as I double checked that all was clean and in place checking the wine and jars I then took my leave back to the kitchen. The silk girls were not allowed to eat heavy and drink only soups before their performances at night. After serving the food in the dinning hall at the center of the silk ladies rooms I had my own portion in the kitchen and desired to go take a bath at the brothel bath house. I entered my room which I shared with Louisa she didn't get the good rooms because they are only for silk ladies who can afford the rent so she's stuck with me in this tiny space.
she was just getting ready to step out into the performance hall of the brothel she smelled heavenly adorned with jewels and makeup she looked beautiful and exotic in her red under garments that highlighted her pale white skin and slender legs I got ready in my serving garments and stepped out to the performance hall to refill glasses get more lubricants and just be ready to serve.
Being in the room with all this thirsty looking men with no control reminds me of when I first got punished barely 15 summers when a man groped me on my way to serve him and I kicked him in the shin. My features had just started becoming visible and my curves will show through the already tight gowns I had which wasn't making things easier, madam was getting many request I wonder what stopped her from giving me at that time to the highest bidder it seems her plans were greater for me than I thought, which wasn't a good sign.
Since being a child I grew up here being used to this walls the sounds of pleasure and the irking sound of their laughter whine and smoke, it just didn't seem right to me and didn't look like a place a child should be in and being the only child here confirmed that. Its so sad that I might never get to experience life beyond this walls or the love story Louisa speaks about at the early mornings when we are about to sleep about her long and forgotten love. A young lad she hopelessly fell in love with before this place became her tragedy. It makes me think and wonder would I also have a Lad young handsome smart and brave hardworking as louisa's that i would love and have that dreamy look in my eyes that she has anytime she speaks about him? I highly doubt that Looking at this hungry and lustful men I highly doubt if truly noble men exist, they may be noble at day but certainly not at night especially if they hang around this sites of the town. But who are my to speak of nobility I grew up in a brothel.