"What is talent?" I asked my inner self as a rhetorical question.
After I gained consciousness, I found myself stranded in a land where water droplets fall rapidly.wind blows at an incredible speed, trees move due to the winds, and I, who is standing there, watching the water droplets fall one by one.my eyes slowly turning red due to too much water got in my eyes.
I kneed down while I continued looking at the blue sky.In other words, I'm exchanging glances with the sky i guess.As i continued looking at the beautiful sky, i realized the fact that i'm losing the eye contact competition with the sky, because, some kind of liquid fluid came out of my eyes, one by one.
But, why am I doing those though?
To that question, I have more questions than the answer to that question.People will think i'm psychotic since i'm doing such a thing with no motive.However, it's not me, but rather my subconsciousness.
I touch the ground after having millions of thoughts, but it doesn't last long….
I immediately lost consciousness…
From the moment I first cried when i was born, I've never cried again.I grew up thinking i am have a power so called "talent", but never have i realise it's all a myth for me.i thought to myself as if i am some kind of genius who could figure out how the universe started, when i turned 13, i finally get to learn what i really wanted to know and not what i not wanted to know.it was physics and i knew that subject could potentially change my life temporarily or forever.
But, sometimes people are right, because they always say that i'm no better than bird in a cage who's trying to find a way to create the cage.And of course, as a young boy who thinks he's a genius neglected them all and kept on trying
But, what am I actually trying for? Popularity? For people to praise me? To advance humanity's technology?.I have no idea and only one thing i have in mind.
It is for the person who has given me the power(talent) to do so.i tested multiple experiments to see if they work and as a gratitude for the person who has given me the talent i needed to do this.
At least I thought I had talent, but I didn't…because, as i grew older, i realized such as "talent" do not existed.Because people were born in a hospital and everyone was born that way.What makes a person thinks he has talent is for his surroundings to praise him.Therefore, i believed "everyone are born the same way and what changes them is their surroundings and nothing more".
'However, has no one ever thought about that?"i questioned to get an answer or figure out the answer.if i am the only one then, am i only one who's living or am i the only one who's not living?
I started to doubt my existence and many other things."Ahh they're all bullshit, why does it matter if i exist or not either way?"i smirked."I think therefore i am" yeah that's the quote i needed.I am currently thinking this only because i exist or i'm living.
Almost forgot to mention that I also learned philosophy at a young age that I found meanings in life and reasons to live on.My mom blamed me for learning such a useless thing, but I knew she couldn't understand me, no one could.
The books I read are also written by those who are mentally ill, so particularly, this could explain why I'm different from every possible kids.Yes "kid".i'm entering 15 this year.
I'm a type of kid who lives by philosophy, therefore, I suffered,I felt pain, and many mental damages which cannot be cured like physical damage.
After all those thoughts that had no answers to it, I finally regained my consciousness.my vision became clear and found myself back in my room.i wake up, and instantly my mom break through my room's door and "ughh i'm glad you're okay my lovely son" she said with a tone that resembles the first ever angel that god created.
"Ahaha, i'm all good mom, it was just that I'm a little tired from my school work that caused it."I replied.she smirks without speaking any useless words anymore.i extended my hands up around my mom's waist, going for a hug and she played along.
However, the reply to my mom wasn't the real answer, because i, myself don't know the answer to it either.Maybe my subconsciousness might do, who knows.i'll eventually find the answer either way so i am not too worried, But..i feel a little cold…"ahhh mom i'm cold as a polar bear right now"i yelled, destroying the hug.My mom went to change the temperature of my aircon to increase cause it's too god damn cold and i just came back from the rain and i literally stood there for hours i think.
I and my mom talked for a bit and eventually she left the room after telling me to let me rest peacefully with no worries.Of course i'm NOT sleeping, because i just slept a few minutes to be exact and i have no reason whatsoever to rest, only because i have things i wanted do and not wanting to waste my precious time on resting or also known as doing nothing but wasting your time.
I get up from my bed, heading towards my table where i usually study or test things i wanted.However, this time felt different.My body felt heavier every step i take and with that i know i'm not reaching the table before i die, so i just head back to bed and went for a cosy sleep while glancing at the window in front of my bed, or looking at the rain to be specific.
I fell asleep as I continued thinking non-sense…