I wasn't the kind of guy who believed in fate.
Or reincarnation.
Or good luck, for that matter.
My life? I lived a decent enough life — the kind that didn't make headlines, but also didn't show up in crime documentaries. The kind where your neighbor's dog has more going on.
A 33-year-old bachelor, working from home, occasionally visiting the gym, but only when guilt outweighed laziness. I had my routines, my odd little pleasures: late-night gacha pulls I always regretted, reruns of comedy anime from a decade ago, and the holy grail of comfort food — mango float. Homemade, of course. My version was 70% cream, 30% regret, and 100% worth it.
Most of my day was a cycle of muted Zoom calls,
overcooked microwave dinners, and finding new excuses not to clean my browser history. Occasionally, I'd wonder what it would feel like to live in a fantasy world. You know — swords, spells, elves, dwarves and dragons — just like the ancient worlds I watched in movies. I'd swing an umbrella around pretending it was a wand, chanting "Expecto Patronum" at my laundry pile, imagining I was battling a bald villain with no nose. Maybe, if I was lucky, I'd even get some romance.
Then I'd stub my toe on the bedframe and remember why I wasn't cut out for adventure.
That's why when it happened, I didn't process it immediately.
Death, I mean.
It was a perfectly ordinary day. I'd just left a weeb store, feeling good with just a little guilt after finally buying a limited-edition PS5 game I absolutely didn't need. Some kid inside had been rolling a huge plastic Poké Ball around like it was a dodgeball.
"Pikachu, I choose you!" he yelled, and tossed it into the air like a beach ball.
I turned to look — wrong move.
The ball bounced off a shelf, smacked the edge of a ceiling fan, and launched straight into my face.
"Yo, heads up!" someone shouted.
Too late.
CRIT.
And just like that… my gacha streak ended. Permanently.
There was no light.
No tunnel.
Just the sound of something indescribable in the darkness.
And then… a voice. Calm. Ancient. The kind of voice that made the hairs on my neck stand up.
"Finally ###### the #### ### come."
The world didn't fade in — it compressed around me. I wasn't falling or floating. I was being shaped, like clay forced into a mold I didn't ask for.
Pressure. Warmth. A heartbeat. Muffled voices. Sounds like plastic rustling in water.
I couldn't move.
I couldn't speak.
But I could feel. And that was the most terrifying part.
Am I… being born? Was this it? Reincarnation?
The weird part? I wasn't that scared. Just confused. And mildly annoyed.
I didn't remember seeing a magic circle. No evil truck-kun. No goddess offering me cheat skills. Not even a generic blue menu screen like in those web novels I read.
This is not how it's supposed to go. Maybe this is just a dream… I tried to calm myself. Just go with it.
Then — light. Blinding. Like someone aimed the sun directly at my eyeballs.
Voices. A laugh. A cry.
Something wrapped around me — not like arms. More like string? No, smooth… hard? I couldn't tell.
And then I heard it.
"Aah… ooo…"
The sound came from around me.
A baby...
…Wait. I'm the baby?
I forced my eyes open. I could feel movement. I was swinging gently. Like being cradled.
I heard voices. They called me Lyra. Said I was such a beautiful angel.
Then I saw them — two faces staring at me like I was the most precious thing in the world.
My mom. My dad. Probably.
A warm family. Loving parents. Peace
Not bad, right?
Could've been worse.
But then it hit me.
Like, really hit me.
BANG!
Something cracked in my brain. Not physically, but spiritually. Like a brain lightning bolt.
This should not BE REAL. I was a full-grown, healthy, perfectly average man — and now I was reborn as a girl??
HOW am I supposed to process marriage now?
What if some muscle-bound fantasy man decides to slam me onto a bed and start doing the unholy stuff that should stay between consenting adults and fantasy tags?
Am I going to be violated by another man?!
Whoever cosmic bastard whom running the reincarnation logistics did this to me, I hope you get reborn as a pretty elf girl in a prison full of lonely dudes or ogres.
May you be lovingly violated every day until you regret the concept of reincarnation....
The world spun. My vision dimmed. Maybe it was the mental shock… or just emotional trauma.
I felt so... tired.
A heavy drowsiness pulled at my thoughts, blurring the curse I just unleashed into the universe. I couldn't even hold on to the last insult properly.
My consciousness faded like a power outage.
(Unknown to me... some spell had already started working.)