Everything came to be. His sensations were wet and cold to the touch. He could hear it, the high-pitched chirps outside his window still. Gusts of cold wind blew through his open window once more, sending a shiver down his spine. He reached for his body, trying to pull the blanket over, but realised there was nothing.
He opened his eyes. With a quick flick of his finger, the room grew ever slightly warmer as he turned away from the window, catching up on the sleep that eluded him on the weekdays.
But a knock had interrupted his dozing plans. "Lucius! It's Jasper!"
"Ugh!" he turned, trying to get out of bed, but his foot got hooked on the bed frame and he crashed out, "Ack! Wait! Wait!"
He quickly regained his bearings, rushing down the stairs with his normal robes before opening the door.
Jasper simply stood there. A blue overcoat complemented his blue eyes, and inside was a thin white shirt with a necklace of a small relic that hung around his neck. He raised his eyebrow with an unamused face, "Nice."
"It's a weekend; spare me some slack."
"Yeah, yeah." Jasper strolled in without hesitation. He gathered the dirty laundry and furled them up, hugging them in his arms as he dragged a large barrel out beside the mansion's porch, handwashing every single dirty piece of clothing and bedsheet as he had routinely done.
Lucius groaned as he sat on the porch, looking at the sombre remains of what was their magnificent garden. He stared at it, his head in his hand as his eyelids grew heavier. His vision blurred as the chirping and whistling from Jasper blended into white noise, droning in the distance.
"Lucius!" he heard from behind his head. It almost sounded like his brother Parkel, "You ready for school?"
He remembered it all. When his family sent him to school for the first day. Everyone is hugging and smiling. "Lucius, my son. Remember to hold back, or else the students might just die!" His hearty laugh lived on in the annals of his mind.
He couldn't remember what he replied, but Baruta simply patted his back and told him, No pressure. That there were no expectations in the first place. Thornes were never in first place in the school anyway.
Everyone was happy, and the flashing memories of his time enjoying school life because of that… Because he didn't need to worry about reputation, because he is already in the best family, he didn't need to prove himself because he was already proven via his family…but above all, he did it anyway, not because he needed to, but because he was too good…
A tear dripped down his cheek, blurring the horizon he stared into. His sights were locked on the tallest clock tower in the distance, with a bell that finally rang. A grim reminder of the existence of the dungeons beneath it.
But in reality, he was tired of it all, having tried to forget the pain, forget the struggles… All the guilt, the drugs, the alcohol, the pain. Everything just kept going wrong, and his pain still didn't go away.
Lucius frowned as he knocked his temples, drowning his memories back in the sea of thoughts.
Time passed as he simply sat there, doing nothing. The seconds turned to minutes, turned to hours, in which Jasper finally walked out from behind the mansion as he smoked the time away. He groaned as he sat down beside Lucius.
He grabbed the fresh cigarette off Lucius' lips and threw it into the pile where the rest were, "tone down on the cigarettes."
"…"
The clouds shaded the sun's rays, casting shadows onto the large mansion's porch.
The air smelled damp, like the rain was coming. In the distance, the sound of countless birds flying off as clouds of black hung above the city.
Lucius stared at the pretty birds, flying off into the distance without a care in the world, "I would pay to be a bird right now."
"Heh… Those dumb things?"
"Those carefree things…"
"Come on, Lucius. You are free to do whatever you want, you don't have to force yourself into this predicament you are in right now."
"What's that even supposed to mean anymore?" Lucius' voice was quieter this time, the words tasting bitter in his mouth, "I'm the last one… This whole history of the Thornes ending with a single shitty, bratty boy. I carry this name, the expectations, the legacy… I don't even know what these legacies are." He drifted off, "How can I possibly be free?"
He took a long breath, his eyes clouded, distant. "I tried... to forget. Maybe that's why I drink, why I take whatever I can to feel something, anything. To remember the good times. Or forget the bad ones." He chuckled softly, but there was no humour in it. "But all I do is drown in it. The more I try to escape, the more I'm haunted by the fact that I couldn't save them. I'm strong, but it didn't matter. Not when they needed me."
Jasper sighed, tossing the cigarette aside and wiping his hands on his coat. "Look, Lucius, I know this sucks. I do. You're carrying all this weight on your shoulders, but…" he paused, glancing over at the ruins of the garden and the distant horizon, where the clock tower stood tall.
Jasper leaned forward, hunching over as he looked to the mossy stone path of the garden, "You know."
He continued, "You can sit here all day. Sulk about the past, drinking your stupid alcohol and smoking your cigarettes. But there are still people down there. In the depths of those dungeons."
He paused, trying to find his next words, "People are dying because there is no other human competent enough to guide us through the deeper floors anymore. And you just sit here? Sulking? It's been months, Lucius. I-"
"I've… had enough." Lucius stiffened up, meeting Jasper's gaze with a single tired look of resignation, "I'm done."
Jasper tensed up. His hands balled up into fists but he pulled his arm back, "Bull fucking shit. You think you have a choice? You get to just quit because you're hurting? That you're the only one hurting?! Families are dying down there trying to earn a living, simply because there is no one to guide them."
Jasper stood up, looking to Lucius with a sign of frustration, but averted his eyes, "Even as we speak. The Celestes are down there. Soldiers for the Celestes and Larks losing their lives for some stupid relics they don't even get to absorb."
Lucius opened his mouth, the words hanging on the tip of his tongue, but the sound of vibration made him swallow them. It came from Jasper's pager.
"Right, duty calls… Probably the casualties after the recent dive." He slid the pager back into his coat's inner pocket, dusting himself off. Then, looking to Lucius one last time: "Make up your mind soon, Lucius."
Jasper turned and walked away. His footsteps grew faint, his figure shrinking into the distance.
As he willed it, tiny fragments popped up in front of him, slowly conjoining into a small amulet that hung itself from his neck. It took the shape of a tiny bipedal being, slouched like a tired sloth. As it finished forming, its quasi-arm lifted, pointing toward the abyss.
"For fuck's sake…"
Each passing second, the memories grew stronger. The anger rushed in all at once.
"FOR FUCK'S SAKE!" He tore the amulet from its chain and smashed it against the ground—but it simply turned to dust and disappeared.
He stood there, breath ragged, sinking his head into his hands.
"…Sorry, Mom… Sorry, Dad… Sorry everyone… I'm not strong enough to do this…"
He slipped his hands into his robe's pockets to shield them from the cold, only to run his fingers across a vial of glass. His mind already knew what it was. His body was already craving it.
A small glass of transparent liquid. His thumb traced its edge. He tried to resist it, but his body couldn't forget the pleasure, yearning for that numbness again.
He quickly scanned his surroundings before rushing back inside.
His elbow itched. That familiar feeling of ecstasy welled up again. The memories of him and his family laughing, smiling… He just wanted to see it one more time. That's all he needed.
He rushed to his room, tied up his arm, and braced his elbow with the prepared syringe.
But for a second, the syringe hesitated. A single thought surfaced.
What am I doing…
Jasper's voice echoed in the canals of his ear. "Make up your mind soon, Lucius…"
But the thought was brushed away as the craving took over. He drove the syringe into his elbow without a second thought.
He leaned back, sinking into the chair's backrest as the world around him began to float. The headache dissolved into pleasure. The grayscale world turned colourful again.
It felt like home.
. . .
At the same time. The Hollow Gate Square, Centre of Eryndor City
Jasper stepped out. The clouds got darker, and the temperature dropped. He stopped for a little while, taking a deep breath as he tried to mentally prepare himself for what was to come.
The pager started ringing again, urging him on.
"Yeah, yeah. I get it." Jasper started jogging, as the pager rang even louder this time.
The thuds of his boots turned from impactful to splashes as he stepped near the hollow gate square. Puddles of blood stained the cobblestone ground. The square was in chaos, screams of the dying and the pained mixed with the clatter of medical equipment and teams.
The rain started pouring. The puddles of blood were turning into pools, filling the tents. Jasper could only stand there, overwhelmed by the pandemonium and suffering. Healers shoved past him and the crowd ahead, rushing to the slew of casualties lying in the rain.
He looked down, stepping over the discarded bandages and the murky pools of crimson.
Then he saw her.
Seraphina curled up by a stone pillar. Her hands were trembling as she clutched a knife to her thigh. A fresh cut already dripping with blood, staining the fabric. Her breathing was ragged as she hiccupped.
Jasper quickly approached, crouching beside her. He forcefully unhanded the knife before she could make the next cut. The blade clattering into the wet cobblestone, but she barely reacted, only blinking at him with red-shot eyes.
"Come on, Sera, not this again." He muttered, inspecting her to make sure she wasn't hurt from the dive aside from the cut.
She hitched on her breath, "I-I couldn't save them."
Jasper gripped her shoulder, "You can't save everyone, Sera."
"I used to." She looked past him to the stretchers in the distance and the countless dead bodies lined up in front of the tents.
Jasper eased up, sitting beside her as he put her back, "It's not your fault you were in the rear guard… Besides, we're humans at the end of the day, we can't solve everything."
"Lucius would've swept it…" She turned her neck slightly, resting her head on the stone pillar. "I watched the recordings. He was stronger than the family heads. He could've destroyed the entire floor—wherever he was…"
Her voice shook.
"Oh, come on. Don't compare yourself to that monster. He's a once-in-a-generation talent."
"It's not that—" Seraphina let out a shaky breath. Her fingers curled as her nails dug into her thighs. "I felt them die, Jasper. I watched them struggle, scream, squirm… I should've—"
"Should've what?" Jasper cut in. "Been stronger? Faster? Made some perfect call that saved everyone?"
He groaned and stood. Leaning down, he offered her a hand. "You're not Lucius. You're you. Seraphina Celeste. Still one of the strongest and brightest this generation's seen."
With a firm tug, he pulled her up.
"And despite all this, people still made it back. Because of you."
Seraphina leaned against the wall again, rubbing her hands together, trying to warm herself. They still trembled.
Jasper exhaled, eyes rising to the overcast sky. The smell of blood and iron lingered in the air. "You think Lucius doesn't know these feelings?"
He chuckled. "He just hides it better—"
"Lord Jasper. I've been looking for you."
An attendant bowed. His armour was bloodied, clearly fresh from the expedition.
"Shoot."
"We have a situation, my lord." The attendant's eyes flicked to Seraphina before settling on Jasper. "The Celeste Forward Recon Team is trapped. Their last transmission was a distress call."
Jasper straightened. Seraphina was already moving.
"Which floor?"
"The Fourth, my lord."
A beat of silence.
Jasper's brow furrowed. Not confusion. Certainty.
"Pardon?"
"The Fourth, my lord."
"But…" Jasper paused, "There is no Fourth Floor."