"396, 397... come on, just two more."
I'm literally exhausted, like someone sucked the life out of me.
"Come on inside now. We need to have dinner and rest more. You and Tanjirou must help prepare the meal."
Ah! This meat feels so good, I don't even want to swallow it. Back in my world, I couldn't even afford pork. Even the tea tastes good, though it's a little bitter.
"You two must be exhausted. You need to rest to regain your strength. I guess you'll both have sweet dreams tonight."
Walking through the house, I glance up at the big moon hiding all the stars around it. Such a beautiful scene. I wish I were the moon, so I could show my good side to the world. I wish that could happen.
Like the birds soaring toward the moon, I wish I were as free as them.
My past flashes before my eyes. When I was a kid, my sober dad and mom always fought. I never found peace at home. Even when I stayed outside, a bully would make me cry. When my mom passed away, my dad drank more and more. We barely had anything to eat. Even though he worked as a daily laborer, all he brought home was alcohol.
I left my home and started stealing from restaurants just to survive. I spent most of my life on the streets. Sometimes they caught me and beat me. I had no hope. I had to steal to live, and even though I begged for food, no one would help me.
To me, life in that world was a nightmare. This life, with Kenji's body, is so much more beautiful. I'm happy I woke up in this body, though I don't know what happened to him. Where did Kenji go? I hope his spirit is okay with me being here. If we've switched places, I hope he finds peace in my old body.
I spent my entire life in tears. I wish this world could give me a better chance.
"Would you like a cup of tea? I've never seen you like this before. What happened to my batchmate?"
Tanjirou approaches me, concerned. It's the first time someone has spoken to me with such sympathy.
"You must be tired. Get some rest."
I walk into my room and fall into bed. An owl hoots nearby as I count numbers. The moonlight floods the room.
Suddenly, I'm eight years old again. I see myself carrying a log in the forest. Kenji's mom is walking in front of me. So, my soul has turned into Kenji's childhood life? This might be fun.
As we walk toward home, a loud and cruel voice yells my mother's name. She runs to me and tells me to hide. I hide behind a tree as an angry man approaches, hitting my mom and dragging her toward the house. I call him Dad and beg him to stop, but he drags me too.
"Didn't I tell you to stay home until I returned?"
"But we needed wood for the fire."
"How dare you talk back to me!" he yells, hitting Mom harder.
I look around the house—it's tiny and reeks. Kenji's life is more painful than mine. His father drinks so much his hands shake. So, it's not just me with a shattered world. I'm actually grateful I'm in the best version of Kenji's life. I wish Kenji had experienced happiness in my body.
The scene changes again. I'm lying on the street, and two men are warning me they'll kill me for stealing. Where in the world am I and whose life is it?
But when I see my reflection, I'm still in Kenji's body. So, we're the same soul in different universes?
I stand up and dust myself off. My stomach growls. I check my pockets—nothing but a letter.
"Come home after I let your father be eaten by a demon!"
What a terrifying message. Is this from Mom? Why was I kicked out? Kenji never got to see how beautiful life could be.
I walk the street. An old man sees me and starts yelling. He grabs a broom and hits me.
"How dare you come near my shop? You think I forgot what you stole?"
But I needed food to live! How else could I survive? I begged, but no one would help—only hurt. I didn't choose this life. Please forgive me. I won't let this happen again!
As I blink, the scene changes back. I'm lying on the ground again—a memory from a dream. I was heading to my parents' room and saw a man devouring a body. I was so exhausted I couldn't move. He approached me, and just as I looked up, I woke up.
Damn! What a dream.
It's not just me with a painful past. Now I know—Kenji's life was no better. I don't even know why I exist or what my purpose of living . I envy those with loving parents.
What's the point of living if I can't find peace? Would it be more peaceful… if I died?