VANESSA'S POV
I sat at my desk, staring out the window as the world outside blurred into a haze of colors and sounds. The classroom around me faded away, and I found myself lost in a whirlwind of thoughts. The past month had been brutal—a relentless storm that had upended my life in ways I never imagined.
My parents' sudden divorce hit me like a tidal wave, crashing down with an intensity that left me gasping for air. Articles keep being written about it, dissecting every detail, every moment. It feels like my life has become a public spectacle, stripped of its privacy and dignity. I can't escape the whispers that follow me through the halls, the pitying glances that seem to say, "I know what you're going through."
Then there's Mark. Just when I thought I could find some solace, my world crumbled again with our breakup. The embarrassment of it all stings like salt in an open wound, especially after that video made its way onto the school website. I can't shake the feeling of humiliation, the way my heart raced as I watched my life play out like a bad reality show for everyone to see.
Now, I felg lost—adrifted in a sea of uncertainty. My grades have plummeted, and the weight of it all is suffocating. I longed for an uneventful summer, a chance to breathe and gather the pieces of myself that had scattered in the chaos. I just wanted to find my footing again, to reclaim the parts of me that feel so far away.
As I drifted deeper into my thoughts,"Vanessa!" A voice pierced through my thoughts, pulling me back to reality. I turned to see my best friend, Clary Wong. "Let's go... the class has ended." My eyes wandered around the room, taking in the empty seats. "Oh!" I replied weakly as I packed up my things and stood. "Let's go," I said, feeling her wrap her arm around mine.
As we stepped out of the classroom, we were met with the chaos of the hallways. The semester had just ended, and everyone was buzzing with excitement for summer break. "One more semester, and we shall be out of high school," Clary sighed, her voice laced with a mix of anticipation and nostalgia. I took in the lively scene with a numb smile, feeling the weight of the moment.
Suddenly, a loud voice startled us. "Boo!" Clary and I jumped, turning to see Andrew, Clary's boyfriend. "You didn't just!" she exclaimed, giving him a playful smack on the shoulder. "Hey!" he protested, feigning injury. "I could punch you in addition to that smack," she shot back, her eyes narrowing. "You will need to learn how to punch first before you can do that," he teased, earning a glare from her. I couldn't help but chuckle softly at their banter. "Okay... summer! SUMMER IS HERE!" he shouted, prompting another playful smack from Clary. "What are everyone's plans?" he asked, but I noticed Clary gesturing for him to keep quiet. "It's okay... just because my summer plans were ruined doesn't mean I don't want to listen to yours," I said, trying to lighten the mood. "Hasn't he gotten back to you yet?" Clary questioned, concern creeping into her voice..."Honestly, he doesn't have a reason to talk anymore. He said everything he needed to when he broke up with me," I replied, trying to shake off the weight of his absence. Clary's eyes darted to Andrew, her curiosity palpable. "Where is he anyway? I haven't seen him since that video came out," she pressed, turning the conversation back to the subject I was desperately trying to avoid.
"Why are you staring at me?" Andrew shot back defensively, caught off guard. Clary wasn't letting up. "Where is your best friend?" she demanded, her glare unwavering. "He's at the basketball friendly matches competition in Qiyan," he answered, his tone casual. "He probably has his phone off. He does that a lot when he's at important matches," he added, and I sighed deeply, feeling the frustration bubble up inside me. "Whatever... let's stop talking about him. The semester is over, so how about we go get some ice cream? What's that new place called again?" Clary suggested, trying to lighten the mood.
"Two Scoops," Andrew replied, and Clary's brow furrowed in confusion. "Why Two Scoops?" she asked. "You both can go. I have to meet with Mr. Yan," I interjected, feeling a twinge of anxiety. "Mr. Yan? Why?" Clary questioned, her interest piqued. "He said he wanted to talk to me about something... probably my slipping academic rankings," I admitted. "You only slipped to the second position. I keep slipping. I'm not sure where I'm going to wind up by the end of the year," Andrew chimed in, forcing a chuckle from me. "You're right; it's no big deal. I can get it back anytime I want," I reassured them, trying to sound confident. "I won't hold you both any longer. I'll get going," I said, quickly wrapping my arms around Clary in a hug. "I'll be over at your house by 9," she whispered, and I nodded. "See you," I replied, turning to leave, a mix of emotions swirling inside me.
*
*
Sitting across from Mr. Yan, I felt a mix of nerves and anticipation as he placed a glass of water in front of me. "Thank you," I said, my voice steady as he took his seat. "How are you?" he asked, and I replied, "I am fine," though my heart raced with curiosity about why I was here.
He looked at me with a serious yet encouraging expression. "I called you here to inform you that there is a chance you can apply early to Hainan University." My heart leaped at the mention of my dream university, the place where both my parents had studied and thrived. "Really?" I exclaimed, excitement bubbling in my voice. Hainan University had the best business administration courses, and I longed to follow in my parents' footsteps, at least in part.
"Yes, and guess what? Regardless of the slip in your ranking for the end-of-semester exams, you still qualify for early applications," he continued, and a smile spread across my face. "That's good," I managed to say, feeling a rush of hope. "It is," he confirmed, and I nodded, soaking in the moment. "I'll be letting you know when to apply," he added, and I felt a wave of gratitude wash over me. As our meeting wrapped up, I stood, expressing my appreciation before walking out of his office. This was the best news I'd received in a while, especially after weeks that felt shrouded in misfortune.
Reaching home, I needed a moment to myself in the car. I leaned back and closed my eyes, letting the silence envelop me. Suddenly, I heard a soft *knock knock* and opened my eyes to see Mom outside my window. "Mom!" I exclaimed, surprised to see her. "Why are you sleeping in the car? Come rest in the house," she said, concern etched on her face.
"I'm good... I'll come in in a few," I replied, trying to brush off her worry. Then, she asked, "Are you really still mad at me for the divorce?" I felt a sigh escape me. "I was never mad at you for the divorce. You and Dad can choose when to get out of your marriage just as much as you chose when to get into it."
"Then what's with the distance? We barely talk anymore," she added, her voice tinged with sadness. "Why?" I questioned, feeling the weight of her words. "I just need to know why you two are getting divorced... It's none of my business, but this change involves me too. So can you at least make me understand why?" Tears began to well in my eyes as I braced myself for her answer.
"I already told you... our love..." she started her familiar mantra, and I scoffed, frustration bubbling up. "Stop it..." I said, stepping out of the car and walking away. "Vanessa!" she called after me. "I'm going to have some rest inside!" I yelled back, determined to put some space between us.
Just as planned, Clary was coming over for our sleepover. I wanted to call and cancel, but we had something important to talk about tonight.
*
*
"Woah... did your mom make us all these snacks?" Clary questioned, and my eyes drifted over the spread of treats. I was surprised she even bothered after our fight. "I am surprised she did after our fight," I replied, feeling tears prick at the corners of my eyes.
"You fought with your mom?" she asked, and I nodded. "It's all we do these days..." I admitted, the heaviness of it all weighing on me. "I am really sorry," she said, her voice soft.
"About what?" I questioned, confused. "Everything that's happening to you... it's a lot," she replied, and I turned to stare at her, searching for sincerity. "Are you really sorry?" I asked, my voice steady but my heart racing.
"What?" she responded, feigning innocence. "It's you, isn't it?" I pressed, clenching my fists in frustration. "You are the one who uploaded the video of my breakup with Mark on the school website." The tears threatened to spill as I confronted her.
"What?" she replied, trying to downplay the situation. "Don't deny it... I already have enough proof that it's you. And I'm not telling you because I'm trying to scare you or anything... I just want to know why?" I demanded, my voice rising. "Why did you do it? Why, Clary?" I added, searching her eyes for answers.
"Why do you think?" she shot back, her tone shifting. "Don't you love being in the spotlight? So why are you acting like you don't like it this time?"
"Ahhh, it's annoying, you know... how you always act like you don't care but are actually enjoying being the center of attention..." she added, each word cutting deeper. It was clear she didn't feel remorse; instead, there was a resentment in her gaze that left me feeling more alone than ever..." Topping the class, excelling in everything, dating the campus crush—Clary's words echoed in my mind, each one a dagger piercing deeper into my heart. "You, you, you... it's always about you," she spat, her voice dripping with resentment. I felt the tears spill down my cheeks as I realized how long she had been holding onto this bitterness. "So all this time, that's how you felt about me?" I managed to choke out, my voice trembling. "And posting that video was your way of getting revenge?"
Her accusation stung, and I couldn't believe she was trying to shift the blame onto me. "How low is it for you to make this my fault?" I shot back, anger rising within me. "I am not to blame for your insecurities or your belief that I'm overshadowing you. That's your own struggle, Clary, not mine." My heart raced as I stood my ground, feeling a mix of sadness and frustration. "I'm glad this came out; now I can cut you off for good."
"Get out of my house!" I yelled, the words escaping my lips like a desperate plea. As she walked away, I felt a rush of emotions—anger, betrayal, and a deep sense of loss. "Ahhhhhh!" I screamed, my frustration spilling over as I knocked the vase from the table, shattering it into pieces.
"Vanessa!" Mom's voice broke through my chaos. I saw her watching Clary leave, concern etched on her face. "Did you two have a fight?" she asked, and vulnerability washed over me. Tears streamed down my cheeks as I reached for her, craving comfort. "Sweetie, what's wrong?" she asked softly, pulling me into her embrace. And in that moment, all the pain, frustration, and heartbreak came pouring out as I burst into tears, feeling safe in my mom's arms.
*
*
Clary and I had been best friends for ten years—no, we were past the friendship stage; we were sisters, soul sisters, who looked out for each other and shared everything. We were so close that everyone thought we were inseparable. So how could I have spent so much time with her and still not know how she truly felt about me? Was I really that self-centered? Did I get so lost in my own world that I failed to notice the people around me? I mean, I couldn't even see that something was off with my parents' relationship. I didn't realize Mark was struggling with basketball and his personal life. And now, I had completely overlooked that Clary felt like a support character in my story.
As I laid on my mom's lap, her fingers gently running through my hair, I whispered, "I'm sorry, Mom." Her voice was soft but curious as she asked, "Why are you apologizing?" I took a deep breath, feeling the weight of my emotions. "I'm sorry I've been mean and distant. I'm even more sorry I made all of this about me and didn't stop to think about how you were also feeling."
"Ah, sweetie," she replied, her voice filled with understanding, "you were right as well. This whole divorce isn't just about me and your dad; it affects you too. You had every right to be angry at me and to ask for an explanation. And I'm sorry my explanation didn't feel authentic enough for you." As her words sank in, tears rolled down my cheeks, a mix of relief and sorrow washing over me..."No...l. I think I just wanted to hear what would comfort me, not the truth I needed to face..." I whispered, my voice trembling as she enveloped me in her warm embrace. "It's okay, sweetie... you didn't do anything wrong. You just reacted like anyone would have... it's okay," she reassured me, and I clung to her tightly, seeking solace in her presence.
In those moments, I realized that sometimes we search for reasons, believing that understanding them might somehow ease our pain. We cling to the hope that if we can uncover the 'why' behind our suffering, it might lead to healing. But I've learned that this isn't always true. Sometimes, those reasons can hurt even more than the initial wound. They can reopen old scars, reminding us of what we've lost or what we cannot change. In those instances, it feels like we're merely piling on more grief instead of unraveling the pain we carry.
*
*
After following Mon's advice and taking a long, refreshing shower, I settled onto my bed and began scrolling through my inbox, looking at all the desperate, unanswered messages I had sent to Mark. Not a single reply. Just then, a notification popped up—he had posted something on his Moments. Curiosity piqued, I clicked to see what it was.
It was a photo of him and his teammates, all out for drinks, tagged with #brothers4life. Corny, right? I zoomed in on his face, and my heart sank. He wore the brightest smile, radiating happiness, and it stung. Tears filled my eyes as I realized he was out there enjoying life, while I was stuck here, feeling foolish for grieving our breakup. In that moment, I knew I had to take action. I blocked his contact, letting out a deep sigh. Hopefully, this was the first step toward completely wiping him from my mind. Because honestly, WHY NOT ?
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