"How long have you been there?" Tessa's heart was racing, her head hurt, she felt like she was in a fog. Jax had let out a huge confession and she needed time to process. Her heart ached, her chest felt tight, she wanted to close her eyes and pretend this day never happened. She let out a breath and counted to ten, she wiggled her toes and shook out her legs and arms. She didn't care how weird her movements were, she needed to shake off the tension she felt when Ash was near and relax her muscles a bit. "Long enough to know about a letter and the sweet departing words said from a lover." Ash walked into the living, he stared at Jax with curiosity but also letting him know that he was claiming Tessa as his and only his with his stare. Ash made his way over to Tessa, grabbed her by the nape of her neck and landed his lips on hers. The kiss was quick but he was also letting Jax know that he was in Tessa's life now. "Now my little human, shall you start explaining to me who I need to take care of? Let them know that you are mine" He stared at Tessa with such intensity it was suffocating. She needed to breathe, she felt tiny pin needles all over her skin. She pushed Ash away and took another drink, she was too anxious to feel the affects of alcohol. "I guess am not the only one keeping secrets. I thought he was just a friend Tessa" The accusation in Jax voice hurt deeply. Two years had past and neither one had mentioned what they did and what it meant. "Jax, please, you have no right. Not after everything you just told me." Tessa paced the living room, the bottle of whiskey swinging from her hand. "Did that night not mean anything to you than?" Tessa stilled, she turned to look at Jax and noticed that glimmer of hope in his eyes. The pleading look of something, maybe an expectation, maybe a declaration of love. Tessa wiped the tears from her face. "That night never should have happened. I was vulnerable, I wasn't in my right mind. I had just buried my daughter, my marriage was over and I had just gotten an apartment on impulse. I know what I did was wrong, I became a cheater. But I also used you to escape and that's not fair to you Jax. You deserve someone who will truly love you." Jax smile was sad, he looked defeated and tired. "So that's it? You weren't even going to try to see if we worked romantically? Were you ever going to tell me you didn't want me?" Tessa continued pacing. She noticed that Ash had moved and was now perched on the sofa, he's expression was unreadable. She looked at Jax and noticed that he moved to the sofa as well, she could see the rise and fall of his chest. His fist clenched at his knees. The internal war in his mind was far greater the one she was having. She didn't want to break his heart but she knew he needed to hear the truth, but she was scared that she would lose his friendship. Once they have this conversation, their friendship and the bond they have would be shattered forever. She approached him and knelt down before him. She grabbed his hands and leaned in to look into his eyes. "Jax, I'm so sorry I crossed that line with you. My feelings for you have always been the same, I love you as the best friend that you have always been to me. You have done nothing but love me from afar and I knew that, I know you still do. I gave in in a moment of weakness, in a moment where all I wanted was to forget who I was. I'm so sorry that I did this to you, to us. I understand if you never want to speak to me again, I understand if you need your space and time away from me, from us. Please know, that I do love you as the person you are, but I know that romantically you and I would not work. We have know each other since we were 5 and 6, we have been through so much together. I don't want to lose you, but I understand if I have to let you go for you to heal. I just hope that you dont hate me for using you, for making you believe that we could be something more after that night. For that, I am truly sorry." Tessa wept opening, her heart was breaking for her friend. She knew that her words had hurt him deeply, she just wasn't sure how deep of a wound she had caused. The room was silent for what felt like eternity, Jax wiped at his tears. He knew that night was a way for her to escape, he knew that even know he slept with his best friend's wife, her heart would never belong to him. A small part of him wanted to believe that just maybe she would feel different, but when she acted like nothing happened the next day he knew she regretted it. Tessa was the ray of sun he needed when his world went dark, knowing someone for so long became like a lifeline, they became a part of you. Letting her go was the only option he had. He placed both his hands on the side of her face and tilled to place a kiss on her head. He breathed in her scent, he brushed her hair behind her ears. He watched as she looked at him thru tears, this was goodbye. He got up without a word and slammed the door on his way out. Tessa let out the sob that she had been holding. She curled up on the floor and cried a river, she felt arms around her and was placed in her bed. Ash, she had forgot he was witness to the downfall of her years long friendship with Jax. She knew she would need to explain things to him, but right now her heart and head were heavy and she didn't have the strength to go on. She had lost a friendship over a moment of weakness, she used Jax that night to forget all the bad. She messed up, she knew she had the moment Jax hands were no longer offering comfort. She knew the minute they kissed, she knew the moment her hands started wondering to other places. In that moment, she knew, but at the same time she wanted to be someone different. She didn't want to be Tessa Monroe, the wife, the mother, the daughter in law to a family that always seemed to have their secrets. She was Tessa Cage in Jax's arms that night. She was a lover, not a cheater, she was carefree, not a dutiful wife, and she was wonton, not the respectable mother.
