Morning sun glints off elegant tiles as the Grandmaster sips a bitter tea, clearly wishing it was something stronger. Suddenly—
Thud! Thud! Thud!
The trio appears. Feng, looking smug. Li Xiu, graceful and calm. Loki, floating upside down while sipping a luxury stamina drink with a curly straw.
Grandmaster Renzan (peering over his teacup): "So… the little rice pirates return."
He stares, then squints. His spiritual senses twitch.
Grandmaster (suddenly straightens): "W-Wait a minute...!"
His eyes dart from Feng to Li Xiu. He senses it—clear, undeniable: Their cultivation levels skyrocketed.
Grandmaster (wide-eyed): "Mid Foundation? Alchemy Level 2? What did you do—eat the heavens?!"
Feng (grinning): "Technically just rice, but thanks for the compliment."
Loki (floats by Grandmaster's ear): "They call it Baka Rice. Now fortified with the tears of jealous cultivators."
Grandmaster (ignores Loki, mutters to himself): "No ordinary place could boost them this fast… that mountain—whatever it is—it's a blessed land."
Feng (offering a rice bag with exaggerated elegance): "We bring greetings… and carbohydrates."
Grandmaster (eye twitching): "You little... fine! I'll ask! Are you ready, little rice master?"
Feng (arms wide): "We have come to escort you, O Wise Elder, to Mount Baka. As promised."
Li Xiu (calmly): "But you are not allowed to ask about restricted areas."
Loki (laughs): "Which is everything fun."
Grandmaster (serious tone): "If this rice truly has the effects I think it does… I might cry. Just once. As a man."
Feng (grinning): "Feel free. Tears are free. Rice… is not."
Grandmaster (muttering with clenched fists): "I should've charged you kids rent for existing…"
Scene: Inside Grandmaster Renzan's Pavilion – Moments before leaving for Mount Baka]
Renzan stands in front of a mirror, adjusting his robes like he's about to face a demon king… not a teenager with a rice field.
Grandmaster (muttering to himself):
"Okay Renzan… you've survived warlords, rogue sects, even that one time your pants caught fire during Lightning Tribulation. You can handle a mountain run by a kid, a sarcastic god, and a girl who keeps rejecting your cool titles."
He straightens his collar and grabs a scroll titled "How to Not Lose Dignity in Front of Teenagers – Vol. 3."
Grandmaster (reading aloud):
"Rule One: Do not beg for rice."
Pauses
"…Hmm. That's gonna be tough."
He pockets a pouch of extra spirit coins, just in case.
Grandmaster (serious):
"They may mock me… but that rice is worth it. My old bones haven't felt this light in decades. I will find the secret. I will uncover the truth of Mount Baka..."
Suddenly, a knock.
Feng (outside the door):
"Oi, old man! You done fixing your beard yet? We brought a comfy flying boat and everything!"
Grandmaster (grumbles, grabbing his walking staff like a weapon):
"They better not have painted it with glitter again…"
Loki (pokes head through door crack):
"It's got streamers this time. And a tiny banner that says 'Welcome, Rice Addict Supreme.'"
Grandmaster (deadpan):
"…I hate this generation."
Scene: Mount Baka – Entrance, glowing slightly with Level 3 development energy]
A humble yet flamboyant flying boat lands, with streamers flapping dramatically in the wind. Feng stands proudly in a new robe labeled "CEO of Rice." Li Xiu is quiet and graceful as ever. Loki is lounging midair with a coconut drink.
Grandmaster Renzan (stepping off the boat, eyes darting):
"This… is it?"
He senses the energy and instantly feels lighter—his back pain almost vanishes.
Loki (whispers to Feng):
"His lumbar disc just realigned. Watch, he's about to cry."
Grandmaster (sniffs):
"…I haven't felt this… peace since my youth."
Feng (smirking):
"Welcome to Mount Baka—where even your kidneys get spiritual benefits."
Li Xiu (bows lightly):
"Please remove your shoes. Golems mop this path every hour."
Two golems with frilly aprons and brooms nod respectfully at Renzan.
Grandmaster:
"…They mop?"
Feng:
"Yeah. One of them also sings opera. We don't know why."
---
[Scene: Tour Begins – They walk through Mount Baka]
Grandmaster (amazed):
"The air… the purity… that tree is glowing—WHY is that sheep sitting on a throne?!"
Feng (confident):
"Sheep #7 runs logistics."
Loki:
"Don't question his authority. Even I pay him rent."
---
[Scene: Passing the Lake]
They approach a serene, glowing lake with petals floating on it. A beautiful sauna rests above the surface, built from divine bamboo.
Grandmaster:
"This is…"
Feng (interrupts):
"Lake Spa of Eternal Cleansing. One dip and even your soul files a tax refund."
Grandmaster (serious):
"…I might retire here."
---
[Scene: Entering the Market Lane of Mount Baka]
There's a cozy shop selling exotic drinks. Labels read: "Ultra Cola – Refill Your Qi," "Wine of Wisdom – Probably Not Poison," and "Baka Brew – 1 sip = 1 nap."
Loki:
"System unlocked drinks after we passed 100k Baka Points. Thanks to someone swindling a kind, elderly Grandmaster."
Feng (grinning):
"I call it… strategic negotiation."
---
[Scene: Li Xiu's Pill Tower]
They pass by a tall tower with floral engravings and faint golden smoke puffing from the top.
Grandmaster (recognizing the energy):
"…This is where the girl practices?"
Li Xiu (softly):
"Yes. It is restricted."
Feng (firm):
"She has her own quarters. No peeking, old man."
Grandmaster (quietly impressed):
"She succeeded in pill creation already. Hmph. She's got potential."
Bakku the disguised dragon flaps down and cuddles next to Li Xiu protectively.
Grandmaster (narrowing eyes):
"That bird… is not just a bird."
Loki (sipping):
"Let him cook."
---
[Scene: Near the end of the tour]
Grandmaster:
"Feng. I must know the source of this rice. It's no ordinary spiritual grain. I've cultivated for centuries—this helped me break through a plateau in mere days!"
Feng (crosses arms):
"Wait five more days. The princess is coming. You can visit then."
Grandmaster (frowns):
"…I can pay."
Feng:
"Still no."
Loki (teasing):
"He'll give you a tour if you bring snacks next time."
Grandmaster (sighs):
"…I really do hate this generation."
[Scene: Tour Ending – Just before leaving Mount Baka]
Grandmaster Renzan (still fidgeting):
"I must know more about this place. Just a peek into the fields… maybe behind that pill tower—"
Bakku (suddenly transforms from cute bird to elegant, mythical dragon):
"You shall not pass!"
Loki (munching popcorn out of nowhere):
"Oh ho ho! Dragon time, baby."
Feng (drops his cola):
"Bro. That's a one-day-old can!"
---
[Fight Scene – Dramatic anime vibes]
Grandmaster Renzan unsheathes his spiritual fan, summoning wind swords. Bakku spreads his majestic wings, making the sky swirl.
Grandmaster:
"I didn't come to fight… but this feels nostalgic."
Bakku:
"You were warned. Mount Baka is sacred."
They clash mid-air—energy waves rippling across the mountain. Pill bottles shake in Li Xiu's tower. Feng holds onto a cola machine for dear life.
Loki (still eating):
"Ten spirit stones on Bakku."
Feng:
"Shut up and pass me the ultra cola!"
---
[Climax – Bakku wins]
With one divine roar, Bakku smacks the Grandmaster down into a luxury bath barrel. Steam puffs everywhere. Silence.
Grandmaster (coughs dramatically):
"…I yield. That dragon… is stronger than my last ex-wife."
[Scene: After the battle – Grandmaster slurps the cola greedily, still soaked in dragon bathwater]
Grandmaster Renzan (eyes glowing, aura pulsing):
"This drink… this is beyond heavenly nectar… it's divine soda!"
Feng (arms crossed, sipping his own cola):
"Right? We call it Baka Cola Classic. Only brewed once every 10,000 years… or, well, whenever Loki feels like it."
Grandmaster (shaking the empty bottle):
"I want more. A lifetime supply. No—a daily supply!"
Feng (grinning devilishly):
"Hmm… tempting. But good things come with terms, Old Master."
Grandmaster (pauses):
"What terms?"
Feng:
"Become… my assistant."
Grandmaster (chokes):
"ASSISTANT?! I'm a NASCENT SOUL REALM EXPERT! People bow when I yawn!"
Loki (munching spirit chips):
"Bow a little lower, you might find more cola under the floorboards."
Feng (mock serious):
"Imagine this—endless cola, secret meals, divine rice, early access to new releases and the chance to be part of something... 'bakarific'."
Grandmaster (sweating):
"…Do I at least get a badge?"
Feng:
"A golden one. With your face on it. It'll say: Certified Mount Baka Cola Officer – Level: Addicted."
Grandmaster (sighs, but glowing inside):
"Fine. I'm in. But only to protect the recipe and—"
Feng:
"Too late. You're listed in the system as: Mount Baka Assistant: Nascent Soul Realm. Welcome aboard."
[System Notification]
New Personnel Registered: Grandmaster Renzan – Assistant (Privileges: Market License Holder, Cola Tester, Emergency Battle Protector)
+20,000 Baka Points
---
[Li Xiu walks in, holding her newly crafted pill]
Li Xiu (calmly):
"I finished my pill, Brother Feng."
Grandmaster (jaw drops):
"She made a Level 2 pill? In this short time?!"
Feng:
"Yep. She also has her own pill tower now."
Grandmaster:
"That talent… she must be my disciple!"
Li Xiu (blinks):
"Do I have to follow you around?"
Grandmaster:
"W-Well, not exactly…"
Li Xiu:
"Fine. I'll be your only named disciple. But I'm free to do whatever I want. And I'm not calling you master unless I'm being sarcastic."
Grandmaster (emotional tears):
"That's more than I ever got in 300 years."
Loki (whispering):
"Poor guy just wanted some soda and company."